Great Faith Is Tried In The Waiting

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When the Lord says” READY, SET…..WAIT lol. As I saw this image for this blog post I just fell in love. It summed up perfectly for me not only what my walk has been like but learning that Great Faith is made in the “waiting”. You see for me I had prayed to the Lord often when I would watch sermons of the generals of the faith and read book on  great missionaries who had done great exploits for the Lord and cried out in my heart asking Lord make me women of Great faith”.  Then excited to get direction from him about the task that he had for me however, I would consistently get “be patient”, “wait” Hmm. At first when I began to follow Christ I was a lot more anxious to know my calling and excited that the Lord had called me to his services as I would wait for direction for the next step and get “wait”, then the second year “wait’, then the third year “wait”. The Lord would always provide small task here and there to ensure I was faithful, He would move me from my job, out of my apartment, back to my mothers house to ensure I was faithful and to humble me and grow me in charity, then the forth year still “waiting”. It hasn’t been easy sometimes waiting on the Lord is the most difficult thing to do but, our trust grows. So I began to have others around me began to question and not quite understand why I seemed too always  be”waiting on the Lord”. Some began to say, well you know “faith without works is dead”  as if to say that I must do something to help the Lord out rather than doing exactly what he said “wait”.

James 2:26
For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also. 

Many read this scripture out of context but, when you go back and read verse 23 Paul talks about Abraham “believing God” and it was counted to him as righteousness. It wasn’t through his faith only but, his works. So to simply believe is a “works of faith”. Its not only about action but, how well someone believes. It took work to believe what God spoke to Abraham and because he did believe it worked out his faith! So too have great faith means simply to believe greatly! Yes it is in the waiting where our Great faith is tried, tested and grown. We live in a generation who don’t know how to wait. We want everything fast, convenient and in a hurry. If there is any delay we call it “the enemy of progress” lol. We rush to to grow up, we rush to go to college, we rush to graduate, we rush to get married, we rush to have the career we want, we rush to have children, we rush to go to places, we rush to get into ministry if God calls us. We rush to clean, We rush to get things done…rush, rush, rush this little demon of rush. I tell you there are demons behind this as the Lord has revealed through still small voice ministry, a prophetic ministry I am apart of . Jesus often taught us that their are always demons that cause his people to rush. As I get this rhema often:

“The rabbit ran circles around the turtle but the turtle won the race. Gods processes are slow Don’t be in a hurry”

In our generation we have been provided with much knowledge about who God is but, many us….many have not really grown or matured in great faith. Especially in our country where we have everything accessible to us. In a book I read a while back a missionary who visited the U.S.  said Him and his brethren would gather together in a remote village to meet secretly to have bible study during their communion time the Lord would turn their water into wine every time. You see they were to poor to afford purchasing wine so they trusted and believed the Lord do a miracle and he blessed their faith. Upon finishing his message a young man came to him and said, why do you think in America we do not see miracles like that and the missionary simply said “because you guys have wine”. lol  In our country there is a tendency to get everything we need rather than relying on God to show up for what we need therefore having great faith.
We did a bible study at my small group last Friday as we went through the passages of scripture in Hebrew 11 and dissecting what is looks like to have great faith as our for fathers before us. So It was so amazing, refreshing , sobering and so convicting, To see how our faith measured up to these great heroes of faith who are now cloud of witness that cheer us on. From Hebrew 11  This is what Great Faith looks Like

  • Faith is framed by the word of God- What promises has the Lord given to you and will you cling to it however long it takes too be fulfilled?
  • Faith is invisible you can not see it but you hope in it and then you will see
  • Faith approves our righteousness and is a gift from God but can be given back to him when we believe in his word
  • Faith pleases God
  • Faith moves under a godly fear and obeys the word God gives
  • Faith will condemn and convict those around you
  • Faith will take a leap at Gods word even when it doesn’t know the full picture
  • Faith will take you into foreign places that will become your promise land
  • Faith waits on the Lords even when it seems impossible
  • Faith doesn’t entrust in itself but on the person who gave the promise, because He alone is Faithful
  • Faith can give you a child at any age despite what the Doctors say (just saying)
  • Faith is a lifestyle…its not only what you believe but how you live
  • Faith sometimes is not always seen on this side of heaven
  • Faith continues to believe the “word” will not pass away even if you pass away without seeing the promise
  • Faith is living for Eternity
  • Faith gives itself as a living sacrifice and willing to give to God whatever he ask no matter how precious it is to us
  • Faith doesn’t yield to fear
  • Faith endures affliction or suffering rather than to enjoy fleeting pleasures
  • Faith regarded disgrace for Christ sake as greater value than the treasures of the world
  • Faith looks ahead for the eternal reward
  • Faith perseveres through the most heaviest of tribulations or trials
  • Faith is obedient
  • Faith suffers much persecution to gain a better resurrection or glory with God
  • Faith looks crazy, sometimes sheepskin, weird clothing, hermit solitude lifestyle kind of crazy lol

So what are you waiting on God for? If you say you truly believe what does your life and lifestyle say do you have faith in Gods known word or even a prophetic word he has given you? Will you continue to wait when the world, family members, friends, pressure you to move ahead of Gods timing, Will you continue to wait on the Lord or will you be moved by a bad report, or circumstance, situations or even how you feel? Will you wait on the Lord as he is growing your faith? I believe the bigger the miracle, the greater the waiting, the greater the ministry, the greater the preparation, the bigger the testimony, the greater the testing in Faith. So will you wait beloved as the Lord is refining you into a GREAT MAN OR WOMAN OF FAITH!

“The greater you wait on me for marriage (or anything) the greater your reward”

-Jesus
(still small voice ministry)

-From Jesus With Love

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The Lord is My Shepherd….and He Leads Me His Way

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The Lord put it on our hearts for us all to watch “Tortured for Christ” Voice of the Martyr’s movie which tells of true story of Richard Wurmbrandin Romania when they were taken over by the communist. Many Christians were put into prison camps tortured, and died for their faith in Jesus. Towards the end of the movie there was a young man who was on his death bed sick with TB and he was talking to Richard and said that the scriptures had never been more real until now and he is okay that his shepherd had led him to a lie in sick bed so if that was the Lords will he would accept it. He died giving his medication to Richard so that he may live. At that moment Psalm 23 I had what you would call an epiphany with that scripture. This young man truly understood what it meant for the Lord to be his shepherd when many of us Christians still struggle with that today.

I am one of them as I learn to let go and trust the Lord to lead me and lay me down wherever he wills.  Many times when you read that scripture or even look up images for that psalm you see a shepherd or Jesus with sheep in lush green pastures but it hit me that wherever God lays you down is indeed green pastures.  Alot of the time we have our preconceived notations about what the Lord should do with us, how he should do it and where he should place us but this young man understand. That in a communist prison, on a sick bed about to die that the good shepherd had led him there. It was the devils plan, an attack or a witch (especially if your African) lol. However, I believe he had finally come to peace that he was one of Gods sheep and he was in complete control of his life whether good or bad.

When the Lord led me to leave my beautiful apartment to come back to my mothers house to babysit my nieces. I never thought to consider this my pasture for the mean time. I mean there have been some valley moments be He has led me here. So in fact the Lord is saying where ever he lays you down is green pastures. In green pastures the sheep find rest, our fed, our protected, our refreshed, and our taken care of. One may ask how can sickness, suffering, not having your own place be green pasture when all around things seem so bleak. However, I realize in this place  I have been equipped, humbled, broken, healed, found my rest in the Lord, fed from his Heart, protected, refreshed and taken care of. He has led me in his way not my way.

So where my beloved fellow sheep  has the Lord led you? What does your green pasture look like? To some it may not look like the pasture or seem so green but indeed the Lord, our good shepherd has led you there to lay for a season and even when we are in the valley we need to not fear for he is even nearer. Don’t give up because if you do you may never reach that table that he has already set, and prepared for you to sit in the presence of your enemies that you may be a testimony of someone who trusted, had faith and believed in your shepherd. When others didn’t understand where he was leading you too, you never wandered from his staff and rod.

-From Jesus With Love

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
    he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

 

 

 

But Wait Lord I Am Confused….. You Said: Trusting God Amidst Contradictions

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Psalm 37:5
 Give your way over to the Lord. Trust in Him also. And He will do it

I know many would say God doesn’t contradict himself, which is indeed very true for God is not a man that he should lie however, I have come to find out in my walk the Lord indeed allows many contradictions, many detours and many delays….why?? To not only purify our love but, grow our trust and confidence in him. Man it has been that season for me.  Being tested, pruned, tried, refined to be tested all over again. Have you ever find yourself excited writing down an amazing promise from the Lord just to find out the process was not at all what you had expected. Your first reaction is to say…..wait a minute wait a minute this is not what you told me Lord and he says ” but will you trust me through the process and believe what I said”. The Lord has a funny way of giving promises and direction without ever telling you the cost involved lol I believe he does that on purpose because if we knew the cost many of us would recoil in fear and say no. However, he gets us at a place when are hearts are open and willing to follow him anywhere and we find him ever so near when we find ourselves at a contradiction, a delay and  detours.

Many times during these “test” that come in a form of contradictions which is when the circumstance looks completely opposite from what he spoke to said or delays; when its a lot longer then you thought or you have to now wait on that promise and detour; when you find yourself veering off in another direction that you thought you were meant to go. I have come to find out in all of these circumstances it comes down to ME. What “I” thought it should look like, be or the path that “I” think would best get me there. Oh how I am learning and frequently forget its not about ME buts is all about Jesus. In these moments is when our true nature, our true murmurings of our heart come out and many times its eeky. We find ourselves frustrated, angry, bitter, resentful, complaining, discontent while the whole time the Lord is wanting to kill our nature and give us his. Which is patient, kind, makes no record of wrongs, is selfless, sacrificial and obedient.

I am reminded of people like Joseph, David, Moses, Abraham who were all given amazing promises from the Lord but, had many contradictions, detours and delays from the process to the promise (wait a minute side not that is a sermon title alright holy spirit lol) Joseph was promised to be King over all his family they would bow down to him but in the process he was thrown in prison and had various delay for 13 years until until his promise was fulfilled. David was anointed king and in the process was chased into a cave and on the run for over a year until his promise: he reigned as King, Moses was called to lead the children of Israel into the promise land and in the process had to endure with the children of Israel with their complaining for 40 years until the promise: reaching the promise land. Abraham was promised a son and in the process had to wait 10 years however became impatient had Ishmael until his promise: Issac came

So I am coming to understanding in the testing, in the breaking and in trusting God he allows contradictions, delays and detours from the process to the promise. What promise in your life has God granted you that seems to be not what you expected? That seems to be taking forever? That seems to be taking you down a direction you never imagined? Will you still trust him, that what he said he will do. (speaking to myself here lol)

Nana will you trust him and put confidence in Jesus?

My friend will you trust him?…..

-From Jesus with Love

 

 

 

 

Learning To Babysit With Jesus

 

babysitter

 

      “Each Of Them Is Jesus In Disguise”- Mother Teresa

I love that quote from above because in fact that what the Lord has been teaching me as  I am babysitting my three nieces and nephews for the past few months. I found myself feeding my beautiful nieces Elly who is 8 months, and in my heart frustrated at my circumstances and honestly resenting the fact that I seem to have no time to “work on MY stuff”.  Which is alot of ministry work I do online and as this fleeting thought crossed my mind as I was feeding her the bottle as the Lord gently interrupted my thoughts to say, “Look at her, every time you feed her your feeding me. Your holding baby Jesus”. I began to recognizes how foolish I had been these past few months. I thought about how our savior came as a baby himself and I don’t know if Mary ever had someone watch Jesus who knows. lol Maybe her cousin Rachel and imagine her being frustrated because she had better things to do thank watch Jesus. Sounds so silly but all of these thoughts came to my mind at that moment and I found myself repenting before the Lord.

These few months he indeed has been revealing how impatience I am and can be easily angered by children nonetheless. What is so sad is that I loooove children…honestly I really do lol I know that is part of my ministry. I would love to help and love on orphaned kids. However, how can I show unconditional love, patience and grace to broken, abused orphaned kids and not to my own nieces (slap to the face) Lord help me lol. So when the Lord called me back to my moms house a few months ago I just didn’t understand. Then having me work a full time job to being released from that job to now babysitting full time 3 beautiful, firecracker girls everyday has been quite of an adjustment for sure. The Lord gave me this rhema when I asked why he called me back home.

                                                  “Charity begins at home
                                                                     Love
                                                Love until it hurts that is how Jesus loved”

Which has been becoming a reality ever day as the days pass on. I can get so anxious about my situation at times thinking Lord when, again, when again seems like I am always waiting. Now recognizing  I am still waiting because it seems I still have A LOT to learn and dying to self. You see a couple months ago I got a job marketing an online ministry which I was so excited about. Besides that I have this blog to write weekly, Thinking that watching my nieces is not “ministry work” so I would hurriedly get one ready for school, feed the others and anxiously rush to get to work online. I found myself being easily irritated or impatience when I would be interrupted ( now I am like Nana they are kids for goodness sakes that’s what they do best smh).

I found the Lord chastising me in my alone time with my lack of patience and my frustration concerning my circumstance rather than thanking him. He began to remind me once again, that He is right here with me and I am doing none of this alone unless I wanted too. So I should see him on the couch with me when I watch them play, changing the diapers with me, fixing their bottles with me in the kitchen, just so ever present with me through it all. Not only that but to see him in each of my nieces. That in Elly (10 month) I get to witness baby Jesus growing up before my eyes, that in my (3 year old) niece I get too see Toddler Jesus growing up and my (4 yearold) niece Zay Zay I get to take care of a paralysis Jesus. He indeed is in each of them, so as I serve by nieces I am serving Jesus! One day sometime last week he told me to leave my work and enter into child like grace by playing with the kids for an hour. Oh how refreshing it was! So I am learning even in the waiting the most important thing is not the destination, or even what you do but that you recognize that HE is with you. Furthermore he loves to be invited in your day in the most minimalist task to not only be with you but DO it all with you.  So will you invite Jesus to DO “it” with you you? Whatever that “it” maybe , why not let “it’ be EVERYTHING you do….do it with JESUS!

 

zay

(Firecracker #1 Zay Zay)

 

noms

(Firecracer #2 Naomi )

 

elly

(Firecracker #3 Elly Noel 10 months)

Matthew 25:45
“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

-From Jesus with Love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Tending the Sheep: God’s Preparation and Process

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1 Samuel 16:13, 17
13 Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers. And the Spirit of the Lord rushed upon David from that day forward. And Samuel rose up and went to Ramah. …….
17 So Saul said to his servants, “Provide for me a man who can play well and bring him to me.” 18 One of the young men answered, “Behold, I have seen a son of Jesse the Bethlehemite, who is skillful in playing, a man of valor, a man of war, prudent in speech, and a man of good presence, and the Lord is with him.” 19 Therefore Saul sent messengers to Jesse and said, “Send me David your son, who is with the sheep.” 20

 

This past Tuesday we had our young adults service where the pastor talked about insecure and secure leaders. She made stark comparisons between the leadership of Saul and David. There was one thing that really struck my heart, that after David being anointed king he immediately went back to doing what he was doing…tending the sheep. Then later was summoned to serving the reigned King Saul. He immediate wasn’t placed on the throne, He never showed any impatience about Gods timing , He didn’t feel that tending the sheep was beneath him now that he had been anointed king. To be frank he didn’t allow his new found title or anointing to cause him to despise returning to his humble beginnings. David trusted God in the preparation and the process. There is a lot I can learn from David.

I found myself waking up last week feeling discouraged and impatience about my situation. Remembering the promises of God and what he has called me too I began to be frustrated still staying at my moms house and now babysitting all day. Finding myself struggling to be a good steward of my time and being able to get any work done for the Lord because of watching the kids. I began to feel like this was all that there was  because at the end of last year I found myself in the same predicament helping my other sister out by taking her to work@5 am, taking the kids to school by am and baby sitting them after-school. It was rough as I found myself grumbling and complaining in discontentment asking the Lord when….when will I do what you have called me too. Then He said

“Stop complaining I am preparing you for marriage”

I was like waaaaa lol, okay Jesus. The interesting thing is I have a heart for children and I know I am called to them. One prophecy I received is that I am called to missions and my life will be a testimony to children. I always had it in my mind to raise a lot of kids or even a orphanage. So I should’ve known that the Lord was preparing me with children ministry 101 with my nieces and nephews. Every step in this journey has been preparation. The Holy Spirit brought to my remembrance what was said at our young adults service about King David this week when I woke wanting to sit in my discouragement and discontentment. Nana, you are just now in your sheep field as David was that doesn’t take away your anointing, doesn’t take away the calling upon your life or my presence. As David went back o the sheep field after being anointed to be prepared some more so do I train my servants the same way who are called to a high calling. Find your confidence, security and trust in me and me alone not what you are doing. Don’t become impatience but trust in the field is where you are being trained. At your mom’s house is where you are being trained to “love until it hearts, for charity begins at home”, where you learn to put children before ministry, where you learn how to be patience with he little ones and teach them about me, where you learn how to manage your time and multi-task, where I am preparing you for motherhood, where you learn humility and total reliance on me. Trust MY preparation and MY process, when you do that I am forced to continuously give you more graces to do what I have called you to do.

So have you found yourself excited, called and anointed by God for a task but you find yourself going back….back too your sheep field (whatever that may look like). Back the the place of humble beginnings and it looks like you have gone backwards then forwards? Well, praise God lol Don’t get discouraged, impatience, or discontent but began to first see the lesson he wants you to learn in your sheep field and most importantly trust the preparation and process being secure that the Lord our God is faithful to finish and complete what he has started!

-From Jesus with Love

Jesus Is Waiting, Dont Stand Him Up

 

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Have you ever been stood up? Have you ever kept a date waiting or waiting on date who seems to have no respect for your time? Well, can you believe many times that’s what we do to Jesus. Many times we would like to think God is a distance, cold, judgmental, harsh, unemotional person but, he isn’t at all. Many have him all wrong! We forget that  Jesus came on earth, fully man so he has very real human needs, emotions, desires and longings that only YOU can fulfill.  A  week ago I found myself doing this very thing, I saw Jesus on a picnic table with all this food waiting on me, and he had tears running down his cheeks. Some might say wait, God has needs and desires for me, noooo but, I beg to differ even in scripture he talks about his jealous love for us and how we are His desire.

Song of Solomon 7:10
I belong to my beloved, and HIS DESIRE is for me.

You see as a bride of Christ he longs and desires to be with his bride. Spend quality time with his beloved and how it pains him so much when we neglect him for worldly things or even desires. That’s exactly what I did a few weeks ago. I found myself waking up randomly @5 am abruptly but, peacefully from my sleep. I have come to know when I wake up in the middle of the night full of energy for no reason that is the Holy Spirit waking me up because He has something to say or Jesus calling me into prayer or worship. So I had a strong sense that the Lord was calling me into his bridal chambers to spend some alone time with him. Now at the same time we have very real opposition from the enemy would love for us to be not sensitive to the Lords heart, distracted and put our attention on other things when Jesus calls us. That’s exactly what he did and I fell for it (slap hands to the face).

Instead of me immediately going into prayer and worship I thought to myself let me use the restroom real quick, then after I happened to walk into the kitchen, then I happened to open the fridge out of curiosity, then I happened to see a huge pan of macaroni and cheese my sister had just cooked that night…..I knew immediately this was a snare by the enemy because I wasn’t even hungry but that mac and cheese was calling my name. (Side note the Lord has been really teaching me on self-denial and having self control with me compulsively eating and he already revealed that was a demon of self indulgence that caused me and many others to do that…that’s for a different blog lol). So would I choose Nana (my flesh) or Jesus….and I chose Nana, thinking to myself well Lord just one little bite wont hurt. One bite turned to two bites before I knew it, it was an hour  later and I had kept the Lord waiting whiles I indulged. (another slap to face)

So when I finally went into worship and prayer, oh my goodness my heart was broken to pieces. I saw Jesus on a picnic table with all this food waiting on me, and he had tears running down his cheeks. Which broke my heart and caused me to cry as well. I knew he had been waiting for a long while and I felt in my heart he was so hurt that I chose the macaroni then him. It may seem silly to some that God would care that much in the smallest detail of our lives or even in the decisions that we make to bring him to tears but he does.  He made me to understand that He had this heavenly feast prepared for me  that would’ve satisfied my soul. Yet I chose to follow my flesh instead and indulge on something that only temporally satisfied. Furthermore, to make it more painful I kept him waiting, My God, the creator o the Heavens, the Lover of my soul, My savior called for me and I stood him up over macaroni. He then spoke to my heart how so many of his children do this on a daily bases, I then saw different images of Jesus having a date prepared and just waiting….waiting… being left all alone and most of the time being stood up, no one shows up. It broke my heart because it broke his, I had to ask the Lord to forgive me and I comforted him with my worship.

So I want to challenge you:
How many times have you made a commitment to spend time with Jesus, to go on a date with him, to give him a certain time frame, or certain hour that you designated just for Jesus? Then something comes up, you forget, you do something else a movie, social media or even worse you use that time to spend on someone else and you stand him up. You casually think to yourself, oh God understand, he doesn’t care. Wrong, wrong, wrong….you see he does. The very thought of having quality time with him came from Him. He is so much more excited to spend time with you then you are with him. YOU are the highlight of his day, the apple of his eye, His heaven on earth. In a world where its dark, where majority of the population rejects him, insults him, is angry at him, blasphemes and mocks him. He takes so much solace in hearing one person, one of his brides respond to his love and CHOOSE him from all the things in the world they can do. Do you know how that makes him feel…. it makes him feel like He is indeed Lord of your life and it heals his wounded heart. You bring healing to the heart of your God by worship and prayer. He loves to bask in Your presence, can you believe that….the creator of the universe loves to bask in YOUR presence so will you make take for him and if you have will you be committed to your time and most importantly will you choose Jesus every time when He calls?……He is waiting with excitement, don’t stand him up!

-From Jesus with Love

Is Jesus Truly Enough……Is He Really?

pouting

We hear this “Christianize” phrase often if that’s what you want to call it but, its a pretty solid question. Most believers say it, we declare it in songs…”Jesus your all we need”, “Less of me more of you”, “Christ is enough for me”. Now lets be honest how many of us actually believe that and live by that? Well that’s exactly what the Lord has been teaching me this week or should I say challenging me with that question. Asking ” Nana am I truly enough for you”? Hmmm I  love this picture honestly I imagine that’s how I look like with Jesus about half the time, Lord help me lol.

I’m so gratefully that He is so patience, tender and gentle with me even when I pout when his will doesn’t match up with my desires. You see this past week I found myself falling into anxiousness again bewildered about what the Lord was and is doing in my life.  He finally spoke to me about a job He wanted me to apply for. Finally, I thought after 6 months of unemployment with it ending today I just knew that I would apply and would get a quick response, interview and of course the job. But, no I haven’t heard anything back from them, hence the anxious thoughts began then follows the doubt. I found myself looking at my situation and being discouraged this morning. I started thinking about my lack of provision, what I was going to do, with No job, no car and if I can be honest no husband lol. Yes, I started thinking about all of it like Lord when, Lord when. I realized I had based my joy and all my emotions based on my circumstances and what I didn’t or did have rather than Jesus. How often as believers do we do that, yet we say Jesus your are enough.

 If you find completion, contentment or joy in anythings else than Jesus, He then is in fact not enough

I had the most amazing experience a few days prior where i felt power and electricity shoot through my whole body. The feeling was so amazing it took my breath away literally, then immediately after breathing in I felt like a gush of warmth, felt like Gods love and goodness wash over me. It was enough to make me melt lol Seriously, I felt as if Jesus had held his breath and blew on me, it was soooo wonderful and in that very moment. I knew why David said this one thing I inquire of and seek is to dwell in the presence of the Lord for all the days of my life. For David, Jesus became enough! He had all of Israel , all the riches  and as many concubines he could have but for King David that wasn’t enough all he wanted was Gods presence. In that very moment I realized that’s all I wanted, that’s all we were created to desire is Gods presence. I found myself in my prayer closet thinking If I had a husband in my bed, children running around, a nice vehicle outside, my dream job and amazing ministry that would honestly be NOTHING compared to Gods presence. Most importantly it would mean NOTHING without Jesus. At that very moment I didn’t care for anything else in the world but my sweet Jesus and to be in his presence for all the days of my life. I just wanted more of him and to know him more that’s it.

John 17:13
I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them.

However, night I went to bed anxious, I felt the anxiety on my back and neck. I even had a horrible restless night. I woke up feeling discouraged, tired and weary and during my alone time this morning I felt Jesus speaking to me tenderly “Nana I am here” ,”Nana I am right here” I could feel his presence so strongly.  Reminding me again, am I enough for you Nana because I am right here with you. Concentrate on my sweet presence with you in every moment and let everything else go” I began to realize how easy it is to forget Jesus’s presence, to forget that he is literally with us, living with us, walking with us doing life with us. How it hurts him when we confess that he is enough yet we walk discouragement or even discontentment when we don’t get what we want and at the time we want it. When we want more things, more love, more validation, more , more. When we have the living God walking with us abounding in his love and grace to us all yet He is not enough. So is Jesus truly enough, Are we willing to abandon ourselves to his will, whatever that may look like? I had to ask myself If that job never came, or vehicle, or family would he be enough…..and He would. We have been studying John in our bible study group and reading this passage touched my heart. A beautiful prayer Jesus prayed for all believers when he was here still in the world. He  asked the father that we may have the full measure of HIS joy within us. Isn’t that amazing and that its available to us all. So that was my prayer this morning and for you if you can relate to this blog:

Jesus forgive me for putting selfish desires, selfish ambitions and things before you. Forgive me for finding contentment based on my circumstances rather than what was done for me by your sacrifice on the cross. I pray Lord that I would abandon myself to your perfect will, that I would become nothing and you would become everything in me and through me. Humble me Lord, I  pray that I would lay die my life and worldly passions. Deliver me from the opinions of others . I pray that I would have the full measure of your Joy Jesus within me and I would find contentment and joy in you alone. May the one thing I seek and inquire of is to dwell in your presence for all the days of my life. May you be enough for Jesus name. Amen!

 

 

In The Waiting….

waiting

If I can be honest this week has been a little rough, well a lot of rough. Started to have those anxious feelings rise up again. Asking the Lord when Lord when, what’s next, what should I do, when will things change, where is the breakthrough, am I in your will or have I missed it? All of these thoughts and much more bombarded me this week. I had to remind myself, “Nana you have been here before. You know better than to entertain these thoughts. Don’t go down this black winding pit the enemy has set up for you”. There is a difference in being called and waiting to be sent as our pastor put it lol. When the Lord calls you and you answer that call. You then have to go through the process of waiting until you are sent out for ministry. So I find myself waiting again. It feels like my whole walk with the Lord has been just that…waiting. Having to trust in Gods timing whiles fighting against discouragement, moving ahead of God, listening to what others say, comparing myself to my peers and my flesh.

Psalm 27:14
Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.

In the Waiting….God is working behind the scenes!

Waiting a lot of times doesn’t look like your accomplishing anything because in actually most of the time that’s when God is accomplishing hidden things on your behalf. I had to remind myself this week and I am pretty sure for the rest of my life in different seasons lol. I found myself excited for the new year, breakthroughs and the promises of God to finally materialize. I just knew that direction would come immediately, I should’ve known better lol. I found myself with finances running so low, still unemployed no direction for employment, then my phone got slammed in my car door after purchasing a new phone a week prior. I was unable to see the screen make calls or answer messages. Then my car door wouldn’t open with my ignition and no money for locksmith hmmm. So have been stuck in the house all this week….so I thought to myself more suffering Lord uuugh!!  Immediately  wanting to throw a pity party..okay I did for like 2 days lol I was reminded of what the Lord had spoken to me before “Abandon yourself to my will, or you will become bitter and full of anxiety”. I thought of course Lord your right you have taught me to give thanks in everything and trust that you plan out my day. So instead of fighting this and allowing the enemy to get a foothold. I saw this as an opportunity to give thanks instead. One I will miss this season where I had hours to spend time with Jesus. So that’s what I felt the Lord wanted me to spend more time with him and in prayer.

Luke 10:41
Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

In the Waiting….The best thing to do is to sit at Gods feet

The reason I was anxious because I found myself wanting to do something, to be busy about the Lords business rather than be at home not working and nothing to show for it. At least what I thought but the Lord reminded me with this scripture. That as bad as I want to be “doing something” the best thing of all is to be in his presence and sit at his feet. That’s where my roots would become deep in Him, that’s where he lays the foundation of what he wants to do through me. That’s where he heals me of wounds, binds up my injures and cleans out my heart of any displeasing things. That’s where I learn to look like him, act like him and become him. That is indeed what we need most to be still at his feet as long as we can before we can do any “work” for Jesus.

Isaiah 40:31
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

In The Waiting….Keep doing what your doing

I have also learned that waiting in the eyes of God is not only sitting still and waiting on him but actively waiting. Being obedient whiles waiting, worshiping whiles waiting, being patience and serving whiles waiting. That was a lyric from a song the Holy Spirt has been playing during my alone time. Which is so true, that’s a prophetic word I got two weeks ago. Which I was just reminded of when these feelings and attack came my way. I began to think that I wasn’t in Gods will or I need to do something different. However, we just need to continue serving, listening and living for him steadily until he makes things clear and he says now go, this is the way walk in it. One step of obedience at a time will lead you into your purpose. Reading the scriptures I was reminded Jesus was prepared 30 years for 3 years of ministry, Moses waited 40 Years,  Joseph waited 13 years. Jesus please don’t let me wait that long LOL but, I know if it is the will of God waiting is always best because that’s when preparation takes place. The longer the preparation, the more equipped and the bigger the impact.

So Lord help me us to give thanks in the waiting. Help us to trust and know that you are working amazing things behind the scenes Jesus. Help us not to compare ourselves to others or even listen to others opinion about where we should or shouldn’t be. Give us the grace to patience and actively wait on you for its not our life anymore but yours in Jesus name!

-From Jesus with Love

Nana