In The Waiting….

waiting

If I can be honest this week has been a little rough, well a lot of rough. Started to have those anxious feelings rise up again. Asking the Lord when Lord when, what’s next, what should I do, when will things change, where is the breakthrough, am I in your will or have I missed it? All of these thoughts and much more bombarded me this week. I had to remind myself, “Nana you have been here before. You know better than to entertain these thoughts. Don’t go down this black winding pit the enemy has set up for you”. There is a difference in being called and waiting to be sent as our pastor put it lol. When the Lord calls you and you answer that call. You then have to go through the process of waiting until you are sent out for ministry. So I find myself waiting again. It feels like my whole walk with the Lord has been just that…waiting. Having to trust in Gods timing whiles fighting against discouragement, moving ahead of God, listening to what others say, comparing myself to my peers and my flesh.

Psalm 27:14
Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.

In the Waiting….God is working behind the scenes!

Waiting a lot of times doesn’t look like your accomplishing anything because in actually most of the time that’s when God is accomplishing hidden things on your behalf. I had to remind myself this week and I am pretty sure for the rest of my life in different seasons lol. I found myself excited for the new year, breakthroughs and the promises of God to finally materialize. I just knew that direction would come immediately, I should’ve known better lol. I found myself with finances running so low, still unemployed no direction for employment, then my phone got slammed in my car door after purchasing a new phone a week prior. I was unable to see the screen make calls or answer messages. Then my car door wouldn’t open with my ignition and no money for locksmith hmmm. So have been stuck in the house all this week….so I thought to myself more suffering Lord uuugh!!  Immediately  wanting to throw a pity party..okay I did for like 2 days lol I was reminded of what the Lord had spoken to me before “Abandon yourself to my will, or you will become bitter and full of anxiety”. I thought of course Lord your right you have taught me to give thanks in everything and trust that you plan out my day. So instead of fighting this and allowing the enemy to get a foothold. I saw this as an opportunity to give thanks instead. One I will miss this season where I had hours to spend time with Jesus. So that’s what I felt the Lord wanted me to spend more time with him and in prayer.

Luke 10:41
Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

In the Waiting….The best thing to do is to sit at Gods feet

The reason I was anxious because I found myself wanting to do something, to be busy about the Lords business rather than be at home not working and nothing to show for it. At least what I thought but the Lord reminded me with this scripture. That as bad as I want to be “doing something” the best thing of all is to be in his presence and sit at his feet. That’s where my roots would become deep in Him, that’s where he lays the foundation of what he wants to do through me. That’s where he heals me of wounds, binds up my injures and cleans out my heart of any displeasing things. That’s where I learn to look like him, act like him and become him. That is indeed what we need most to be still at his feet as long as we can before we can do any “work” for Jesus.

Isaiah 40:31
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

In The Waiting….Keep doing what your doing

I have also learned that waiting in the eyes of God is not only sitting still and waiting on him but actively waiting. Being obedient whiles waiting, worshiping whiles waiting, being patience and serving whiles waiting. That was a lyric from a song the Holy Spirt has been playing during my alone time. Which is so true, that’s a prophetic word I got two weeks ago. Which I was just reminded of when these feelings and attack came my way. I began to think that I wasn’t in Gods will or I need to do something different. However, we just need to continue serving, listening and living for him steadily until he makes things clear and he says now go, this is the way walk in it. One step of obedience at a time will lead you into your purpose. Reading the scriptures I was reminded Jesus was prepared 30 years for 3 years of ministry, Moses waited 40 Years,  Joseph waited 13 years. Jesus please don’t let me wait that long LOL but, I know if it is the will of God waiting is always best because that’s when preparation takes place. The longer the preparation, the more equipped and the bigger the impact.

So Lord help me us to give thanks in the waiting. Help us to trust and know that you are working amazing things behind the scenes Jesus. Help us not to compare ourselves to others or even listen to others opinion about where we should or shouldn’t be. Give us the grace to patience and actively wait on you for its not our life anymore but yours in Jesus name!

-From Jesus with Love

Nana

 

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Grace of Thankfulness

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You know the Lord speaks in so many different ways and sometimes by numbers. I know many people have seen 111, 333, 444, 555 etc and the Holy Spirit has actually taught me what some of the meanings are when he shows his children those numbers. Numbers have a biblical meaning and shown three times consecutively becomes a love letter from the Lord to you. The number  3 is the Godhead (the Triune) so when you see 333, the Lord is reminding that God the Father, Jesus the son and the Holy Spirit are with you. Beautiful reminder he is with you. The number 4 is Gods creative works, so seeing 444 the Lord is reminding me to “work” . To be diligent or obedient if he has given me a project to do or a task. Now the number 5 is of Grace, redemption……good ole 555, to be honest I cringe when I see this, now I have learned to laugh a little, but nervous and pray lol. When I see 555 the Lord is telling me a suffering is coming, a Simons cross, a trial is coming. Since 5 is his grace  this scripture comes to mind:

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

I remember first coming to the Lord one of my many passionate prayers have been that I would live for him, I would be willing to be rejected for him, and I would be willing to suffer for him. Oh, how he has kept me to my word lol As I began to read Gods words during difficult times I realized in his eyes we are blessed to suffer for his name. As we have our own crosses he allows suffering which is a trial, inconvenience a “Simons cross” which makes it more difficult because we are carrying an additional crosses for someone, something or a situation. Simon was the man that helped our Savior and Messiah carry his cross when Jesus couldn’t carry it anymore. This man thought he didn’t commit the crime why should he help carrying this so called “dead mans cross” not realizing the very cross he carried, carried his sins and that “dead man” was the savior of the world. If Simon would’ve known he would’ve responded with such excitement and with so much (Thankfulness)

Mark 15:21
A certain man from Cyrene, Simon, the father of Alexander and Rufus, was passing by on his way in from the country, and they forced him to carry the cross.

Many believers are going through trying ties right now because we are carrying crosses for the world and our nation for God mercy and his will to be done. So fast forward I began to see 555 often about two weeks ago and the first thought was oh oh, Lord a suffering/ trial is coming lol Usually, when I see that it affects just me but this time this trial affected my whole family. The Lord had spoken through this ministry I follow and told us Holy Trials where coming and the way we can overcome is having a grace of thankfulness

My Cross:

  • My sister lost her job the same week I lost mine
  • Then last week my brother in Law and my brother lost their jobs on the same day
  • Last week my sister car broke down and now we have only one two cars in the house
  • So no I am stuck waking up in the morning giving people rides @ 5am and dropping off the kids

This all happened in one month and has been very difficult for my family at the same time we have been through worse lol. So finally my brother in law got a job but needed a ride back and forth. I thought about it and told him I could help, so I committed to taking him to work 5am, dropping the kids off at school, picking him up then picking hem up from daycare. So this week I found myself dreading getting up 5 am and not having anytime to do any projects, being just tired I began to complain to the Lord. He spoke to me “stop complaining I am preparing you for marriage” . I was like whaaaaa Jesus, haha okay I wasn’t seeing things from his perspective or having his heart to sacrifice.  This was teaching me to be a good steward of my time and giving me first hand experience what it would be like having a husband, children a family and still making time to spend with the Lord and work on all the projects he has given me. (Thankful)

Grace of Thankfulness

So during this trial the Lord kept reminding of that message of how we should be grateful and thankful in every trial. Its allows us to grow in patient, longsuffering, and most importantly trusting him. I got to encourage my family not to look at our circumstances but look to Jesus. Through this my sisters decided to do a family prayer line every week, which we did last Thursday and it was awesome. In my heart I was overjoyed in awe seeing my sisters draw closer to the Lord like never before (Thankful). Then this Monday we had a night of praise and worship at my moms house. My Brother in law came as well, everyone was so down and stressed with the loss of jobs and financial strain but the Lord reminded me again praise and worship me for what I am doing. So initially everyone was seated just a heaviness in the room but by the end of the night even my brother in law was up clapping his hands dancing and praising God. We all left that night so full of joy and thankful for all that we had! (Thankful) There is truly power in having a heart of praise and thanksgiving despite what your going through because we know God is working it all out!

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.

So we all don’t have jobs yet, nor is my sister car fixed but I know that God is with us now more than ever. I will worship God for who he is, what he has done, and what he is doing because I know he is transforming my family, transforming our hearts to transform our lives. He is so faithful!!! So what cross does God have you carrying? Know that he is suffering with you and that cross,  those trials, and inconveniences are baring much fruit for his kingdom and causing you to grow in virtue as well. When it seems unbearable ask him for the grace of thankfulness. For that is the more reason you should get some worship music and praise God even all that the more because He is Good and is working it out!!

God bless you!

 

 

 

When God Calls You To Walk On The Waves With Him

leap-of-faith

I know a lot of times we hear when God  is calling you higher that means your going deeper which is true, but a lot of times it never looks they way you envision it. You think a deeper dive in the ocean but he actually means he is calling you higher. Higher level of faith, trust, hope in him. Not only does he call you out of the boat to walk on the water but he calls you then to go deeper which requires a deeper level of trust and faith by walking on the waves with him.

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said.

My walk has been nothing short of interesting to say the least, just a few weeks ago I wrote a blog about contending with contentment at my job.  The job that I was finding difficult to wake up every morning to go to0, the job that I was complaining about, the job that the Lord was teaching me to be excellence, content, and faithful at……..well that job let me go last Tuesday. You would think I would be excited or relieved but it was such a shock, very unexpected. I think sometimes the Lord is thinking this girl doesn’t know what she wants, isn’t he so gracious lol! I woke up that morning excited in the wee hours of 4 am to spend time with the Lord and wonderful time it was in his presence, worship and reading the word before work. I was so full of joy that morning, now I had heard rumors of our positions being changed but not losing our jobs however, I went in that morning finding out we had a surprise meeting and they told us we were let go and to go home. I wasn’t sure what to think, if I can be honest inside I was keeping cool but on the inside I think my soul was jumping lol All these thoughts of doubt, fear, anxiety hit me..one of the lies of the enemy was telling me “see you woke up spend all that time with the Lord and he didn’t forwarn you, you don’t really hear from Jesus” that was the hardest lie I was trying to cast down.

OUT OF THE BOAT

You see, the Lord called me to lay down my life for him almost  3 years ago. I had intended on pursuing my own business I had at the time, my clothing and jewelry line and move to NY until I had a radical encounter with my beloved Jesus and it changed everything. So when he asked me  almost 3 years ago to live for him I said “of course, I will tell everyone about you and what you have done for me, my life is yours no turning back! I surrender all to you Jesus”. So when the Lord lead me to my job I thought I wouldn’t be there for long or so I thought a few months turned into a year, then the one year turned to two and I was anxious along the way but the Lord kept telling me to wait, Nana wait….

Psalm 27:14
Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.

ON THE WATER

So in the midst of waiting he began to change my perspective and stir my heart for him in such a way to have my life be a witness for others. That wasn’t my intention at the job but he began to show me that I was there by assignment in the midst of me waiting.  So I started to notice the Lord giving me opportunities to share him with my coworkers, to pray and encourage and he even opened the door to began a prayer meeting at the job! Which I looked forward too and enjoyed, he began to give me words of knowledge and dreams about my coworkers to draw them closer to him! Indeed he was stirring my passion to be bold and courageous for him however, he began speaking to my heart to totally surrender and abandon myself to his will. I would get this word over and over again to the point it became frustrating because I thought I had totally surrendered, I wasn’t sure what else I needed too. I kept telling the Lord all is yours, I live a hedged life because you ask that of me, I am at this job surrendered to waiting on you because you said too what else Lord. Thinking to myself I am like peter Lord, you called me to walk on the water jump out of the boat called  “Nanas idea of her life” to follow you and I did just that not sure what else I can give…oh but was I mistaken. He wanted TOTAL SURRENDER & ABONDMENT which means whatever may come, whatever you allow Jesus I am yours. I remember when I started hat job and being around other Christians friends who were called and knew their calling I was so insecure at that time and doubtful because I didn’t know mine so I went on lunch break crying out to the Lord to show me my calling please just show me and he said:

“I cant show you I have to lead you”

WALKING ON THE WAVES

So now he has lead me out the boat, on the water now even higher to walking on the wave. Losing my job caused my eyes to be fixed on the storm rather than on Jesus gaze and his hands that have been right in front of me. I knew the next step from this job would be walking into my purpose and that’s why I was so anxious to leave because I thought I was ready. But we know God is very funny and he will always give you what you ask for just not the way you want it lol That’s exactly what he has done, he has called me higher and deeper in him, not to stop walking on the water called faith, not to go back to the boat called comfortability by getting another job, no he has called me to continue to grab his hand, gaze in his eyes and trust him as he guides me step by step to walk above the storm and to walk on the waves. I have learned that that I am actually always on assignment whenever, with whoever and wherever I am at. I am a pilgrim on an journey here on this earth and that to surrender is not just a one time choice but a daily choice to say today I die that you live Jesus may I do your will and not my own. So I have been asked the question so many times what are going to do, what’s next, what are you waiting for? All I can say is that I am being led by the one who loves me the most, who created me and knows my purpose and is threading this beautiful tapestry of grace called my life and only he knows the finished work. As he is building my trust in him in a deeper way, growing a greater level of faith in me and sanctifying me for his use. Of course he has me waiting again for the next direction. As I sit at his feet I find myself wondering what he is up too slightly anxious if I can be honest but excited about this crazy adventure that I get to do with my forever life partner, leader and guide Jesus!

Contending With Contenment: Blaaah!

400-girl-dragging-her-feet

 

 

Last week I had my quarterly review with my manager about my performance here at the job. Funny, just now I was going to type that I could so see Jesus sitting in that meeting room at the large round table, right next to my manager probable glaring at me as she sat across from me but the Holy spirit rephrased that and said no He was sitting right next to you instead. I thought to myself of course Nana, duh  Jesus always has my back lol. I walked away from that meeting with this scripture ringing in my ears :

Colossians 3:24
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

If I may be honest these past few weeks have been difficult. I have felt anxious and discontent at my job even though I know the Lord hasn’t told me to move yet or leave it. I just found myself praying for motivation to get up in the morning and go. You see, my manager is a believer and during the first quarter review she mentioned to me how I am so excited about Jesus and telling everyone about him which is great but my work also needs to reflect that excitement. That my passion and faith in Christ should touch every area of my life because if she was a non believer that could turn her off, your always preaching Jesus but slacking at your job. That I shouldn’t see her as my boss the Lord he gave me this job so I should do it well.  I was like WOW….I knew it wasn’t here speaking that was so the Lord lol. Then all week I kept getting the bible verse Colossians 3:44 in devotionals, bible verses of the day, finally I was like okay Lord I hear help me.

However its been 3 long months and I started getting anxious again. At work to pass time I listen to youtube, I have listened to so many sermons, worship music, play list etc. So I found myself asking the Lord why am I here, oh how I wish I could just do a job serving you, doing something I love, better yet ship me off to some country I wouldn’t mind to work for you, , I am not married, no  major responsibilities, I mean what am I waiting for Blaaah! Didn’t you say in your word:

1 Corinthians 7:34
An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.

Sooooo Lord come on! lol So at least I thought all in my mind however as I was driving to work that day unbeknown to me that. I would have my review. I felt the Lord speak to my heart that the problem is not what your doing but your discontent. I felt him say if I gave you a husband now would it make your life better….I thought for a moment to myself hmmm waking up with my hubby next to me still going to this job?…no I wouldn’t. Then he said if I gave you an opportunity to go into missions in a different country and you had been there for 2 years doing the same thing everyday would you be happy?….hmmm no might get bored, If I had you go into fulltime ministry working with people not seeing any breakthrough would you be happy….I thought to myself well may…b… okay no I wouldn’t Lord. So I felt the Holy Spirit say the issue is not what your doing its your heart. I can give your hearts desire but if your heart and perspective is not yielded to me you will get bored easily, burned out, or doing it for the wrong reasons then that’s when you become ungrateful, discontent and unhappy and you miss the opportunities before you everyday.

I recalled the conversation we had on the way to work after leaving the meeting with my manager thinking that is so true. Its is my heart Lord because it shouldn’t matter what I do if I do it as unto you then I will always find joy in it because I love you and desire to please you. If I allow myself to find joy in anything else I can make an idol of my experienced, or even emotions and unfortunately finding my identity in what I do. So I told the Lord, fine give me your perspective and change my heart. If I can be honest at work I am usually coming in almost late by the skin of my teeth because I took a longer time in the prayer closet …smh lol then I get to work, check  my Facebook for messages. Check my youtube channel respond to messages, find a good play list or what I am going to listen too by the time that’s done an hour can be gone. Then I work, in and out taking breaks a little because tired of staring at the computer which then has in turn got me looking pretty bad in front of my boss hence reflecting on my reviews. Honestly, I recall one time I was falling asleep and in the corner of my eye I saw and all white garment standing next to my cubicle then I jolted up and looked around and of course no one. In all seriousness, I believe it was really Jesus getting my attention to wake up! (LOL) Lord help me  standing there in his all white garment

So I am sucking up my pouty lip and doing my job and all things unto the Lord by his grace. I realize my job is a great place to serve, there’s people there and wherever their are people Jesus is there too lol. Secondly, no more social media activity only after I get done with my productivity 100%. Last but which is first is that now I have placed in my heart the Lord is my boss. So I am going to leave on time, in practice to become a vessel of excellence not just when I am doing the so called ” Lords work” but doing my 9-5 job which is the ” Lord work” because sometimes we can get so stuck on our future asking the Lord when Lord, when. When the Lord is actually in the now and everything we do daily is a stepping stone to get closer to the purpose he has for us and the work he is doing in us!