Star Gazing With Jesus

Screen Shot 2019-08-14 at 9.19.52 PM

It was another night in Taos, New Mexico now going to sleep at a new location, in a new bed, at a new place. The adjustment hasn’t been easy to say the least but, the Lord has been so merciful and gracious. Upon arriving I stopped hearing him like I usually would and also in fear of being deceived like I had been previously in my former blog post https://myheartoverflowing.com/2019/05/30/how-the-lord-delivered-me-from-a-religious-spirit-because-of-delayed-obedience/ .I had a great fall and was working my way back slowly to trusting again to hear from the Lord. The Lord was so sweet as I got here after my prayers I was thinking in my heart Lord will you restore our relationship again.  I heard in my heart “pull a rhema card”. These were the infamous rhemas Mother lare had talked about on her channel and had caused me to began my own rhema box. Which her just simply prophetic words from the Lord on index cards about 1,000 of them. So I did as the Holy spirit instructed and pulled a card and it said ” I will restore our relationship and the graces that were lost” I was like wow! If he doesn’t read your mail using those rhemas man. It encouraged me greatly.

 

However, as the days went on I found myself struggling with so much emotional torment of loneliness and hopelessness. Now away from my loved ones and having losing everyone to come here I wasn’t on the mountain yet but staying with Mother Clare and Father Ezekiel in their home. As we were in preparation in getting the Holy Prayer Mountain ready to make it livable for all who came. I was the first to arrive among everyone so I found my nights long and many times prayers drowned in tears asking the Lord for strength admits the assailment of the enemies lies and doubts that stormed my mind at times. It was even more difficult sensing the Lord but not really hearing from him so many times I found myself just going thru the emotions. Then one night after prayer I decided to get another rhema using the website link instead https://www.heartdwellers.org/rhema-page.html then it said

” Take a walk with me”

I usually love this rhema because I loooove talking a walk with Jesus its like an adventure every time I listened to this prompting when I received it. However, I was at a new place and it was 10:31pm at night…dark. Now, that still didn’t surprise me because when I was at my home in Texas there were times I got this rhema at 11pm at night once and it was cold, plus I didn’t have my glasses on. However, I obeyed and thought Lord what are you up too, he had me walk around with him didn’t say anything but I felt prompted to pray for my neighborhood. This time around however, having been deceived recently of a lying spirit I went to a “bible promises book” for discernment. I thought to ask Mother Clare or Father Ezekiel if it was okay to go outside but I thought let me ask holy spirit if this was the Lord and he gave me scriptures under the subject of “Marriage” . When I get that the Lord is addressing my spousal relationship with him as his bride so I knew it was the Lord but I was still a little hesitant.

You see at there house they have a pasture with a low loose wire fence that stops at the end of their back. Then you can easily cross over into the pasture there was a specific tree I was always pulled to when I felt down or to go and pray. So I felt the Lord was telling me to go to the tree and it was utterly dark, no lights at all. So I thought to myself “whew” okay Nana be brave. I just had the Lords supper so I had a monstrance with the Lord body inside and my phone as a flash light. I then began to put my shoes on and courageous slide the doors to the sun room and walked into the backyard which over looked the ever so dark vast pasture over looking the mountains. I crossed over the fence and mentioned for my guardian angel to escort me as well as I began to walk in this vast dark field repeatedly saying “Jesus I trust in you, Jesus I trust in you Jesus I trust in you”. Just then I arrived at the tree. Thinking to myself okay Jesus I am here what did you bring me out here for???….and all I heard was silence.

Then I felt prompted to look up and I was in UTTER AWE!! The Taos night sky was filled with a billion stars and a crisp beautiful clear sky filled with a billion shinning stars. My mouth dropped wide open in amazement at the beauty then at the love of God. I was flabbergasted that Jesus would have me in mind first off then not only that get me up in the middle of the night just to stargaze with him waaaa!! Yes our God does stuff like that he is so freaking romantic!! lol I said “hush Jesus hush” really you would have me come out here just to look at the stars with you…your so romantic and sweet Lord! I stood there just staring at the vastness of Gods glory and the beauty of his workmanship.

I then began to remember the scriptures which came to my mind when the Lord spoke to Abraham

Genesis 15:5

He took him outside and said, “Look up at the sky and count the stars–if indeed you can count them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring be.”

I felt the Lord reminding me that promise was for me too as I had come to this place in obedience following him and another scripture came to my mind that “he knows the stars by name, that HE knew me by name before the foundation of the earth.

Psalm 147:7
He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.

Just then my phone came across my hands and I didn’t realize how bright the flashlight was on my phone until the shadow of my hand covered entire trees. Something similar to the picture below but not quite lol

 

 

 

As I ran my what seemed to be now my GOD SIZED hand across the vast pasture, upon each tree then on mountain then the sky. As they all seemed to fit in the palm of my now GOD SIZED HAND. I began to feel the Lord speak to my heart as he reminded me that all of creation was in the palm of his hand.  The trees where in the palm of his hands, the mountain where in the palm of his hands and I too am in the palm of his hands. That I had absolutely nothing to worry that he indeed was with him and holding me thru this all. I was amazed and in all at the Lords mercy towards me and his loving kindness that continued to uphold me. I walked back with him after a few minutes of  star gazing with  my beloved, admiring his creation and how He just wanted to be with me to stargaze. So next time you take a walk be reminded he is right there next to you and take some time to smell the roses literally, or for a fluttering butterfly or a heart shaped cloud and look up in the night sky as you watch the starts go by with your beloved Jesus. Knowing that you he knows your name and He has YOU in the palm of your hands!

-From Jesus With Love

 

 

 

Advertisements

My Confession: My Struggles with Jealousy and Being Insecure In Gods Love

Image result for taking off a mask

Jesus began, “You have said it well, My Love. And thank you for including the struggle you have with jealousy. 

 “My dear ones, nothing will kill a church or particular body of believers as fast as jealousy. It is one of the most deadly sins, because it destroys unity and creates serious moral lapses for the sake of retaliation and competition. So many who are in the music ministry have a gift, but their hearts are far from Me. Rather, they are seeking the world’s accolades.
(still small voice http://www.heardwellers.org)

I want to be very candid and transparent in this post concerning my hidden struggles that I have had with Jealously and Insecurities in my walk with the Lord. The newest message from the Lord was posted today on Still Small Voice which is a ministry that I am apart of. Within the message Ms. Clare was very honest concerning her struggles with Jealousy as she was seeing others grow in their anointing and holiness. As I was reading all I could do was laugh because the very same things she struggles with  I do too! That is what I love about her and the ministry is that not only is she anointed but, so very open about her weakness and in-capabilities. Which immediately prompted me to do this blog to confess mine as well because some may see me writing blogs, having my YouTube channel, doing fb live prayers every week, posting words of encouragement,  and always speaking about intimacy with Jesus but, not knowing my very real weakness. Which should encourage anyone that the Lord loves to use hot messes which I am one of them lol

This past week in my alone time with the Lord he kept giving me scriptures on “Jealously” 4 days in a row.  through my bible promises book which I use for discernment  as I began to really examine my heart thinking Lord where , Lord where? At first my eyes would fall on the scripture about how God is a jealous God, so I began to think I wasnt being faithful to the Lord because there couldn’t be jealousy in my heart. (  of course not right ..oh boy lol) .You know when we try to get out of a conviction the Holy Spirit is calling out lol). After, the third day day, I was then like okay Lord you are addressing something. So Upon receiving this message he hit the nail right on the head.

“Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?” (Proverbs 27:4)

You see this past few weeks the Lord has really been showing many hidden sins in my heart that offend him as he is calling me to holiness and pureness of heart. He has began to show me that I was insecure in my love with the him. Why was I still desiring others approval or love from others and when I didn’t get I felt rejected. You would think after spending hours in prayer and worship with the Lord every morning I would come out feeling so secure about who I was in him but,  as he has made me aware “I was seeking him but, didn’t trust him”. So then a situation would occur  during the day and I would be hit with arrows of rejection because of the response I would get from others. Then a friend candidly said to me “Nana you do all these videos on youtube, you talk about intimacy with Jesus but, your not deeply rooted and ground in Gods love  that’s why you still struggle with wanting love from others.” I thought to myself wow isn’t that so true. Especially when dealing with relationship of any form we tend too look for the people in our lives to provide that love for us and they never fully fulfill that role only Jesus can. However, I was still insecure in my relationship with Jesus which affected everything else. I needed to be deeply rooted and grounded in his love for me that I could be made whole.

  • I realize when I was insecure about Gods love for me I looked for those around me to provide that security of love
  • Being  insecure about Gods love for me I began to look to others for validation
  • Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to question the sincerity of others love towards me
  • Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to love guarded not with my whole heart
  • Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to love the Lord half halfheartedly and not with my whole heart
  • Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to fear being hurt by others
  • Being insecure about Gods love for me caused me to compare myself ultimately causing me to have Jealous thought towards others

So because of the root cause of my lack of security and trust in my identity in Christ I found myself having Jealous thoughts toward a dear friend. In the most subtle ways but, of course not to God and the saints. Our thoughts are so very loud before all of heaven lol  As someone who is called to lead others this demon of Jealousy is so terrible and easily causes deep breaches of division, and not only quench the Spirit of God in ministry but ruin your soul eek! Furthermore, the Lord has made me known that laziness and jealousy goes hand in hand. Those who have are anointed by the Lord have worked very hard so many times is our lack of application that causes us to be Jealous of others. So I am glad to be exposing it and getting the darkness out!

I found myself being territorial of a fb page I was called to run. I need help so I asked her to assist me with the page however, when she began to really take over the page and do things without asking. giving suggestion. I found Jealously rising in my heart in being territorial of something that wasnt mine in the first place but it’s the Lords ( I  mean can anyone relate). Then secondly we both decided to do prayers on fb live first together then separately. We began to do at the same time and day. As time went out I would find myself seeing her prayer video but, my eyes falling on how many views and comments she got versus me.  (I mean can anyone relate) Lastly I found myself comparing her messages from Jesus to mine. As she would share what the Lord was telling her as we are both learning to discern the Lords voice. Her messages sounded so regal and wise full of authority. However my messages sounded so simple, like my own thoughts and the devils would get me to just want to give up pressing in to hear Gods voice. ( I mean can anyone relate ). lol I mean comparison is a death trap! I found these were all the issue of my heart ;however outwardly everything seemed find. Until, the Lord began to call out all this hidden sin and offenses that were going on that no one else knew about but, him. He first had me confess it to my dear friend in which I am so grateful for our unique relationship because she was so gracious and just laughed. Wheew, I thank the Lord for his faithfulness as he continues to tell me to shine the light on the dark places in my heart that others may have the freedom to do the same thing. One thing I also felt he told me was that I am unique, I have a set of people he has anointed for me to draw to himself so it makes no sense to compare. All that do will continue to be different from anyone else because of the unique souls I am called to reach. That is the same for each of us, when we began to compare it kills Gods unique anointing  upon our lives because there are people I am called to reach with my looks, my height, with my voice, with my experiences, with  my weaknesses, failures etc that they can relation too but, not to someone else.

So I don’t know if you have dealt with this or are dealing with this especially in ministry its okay lol Its just not okay to stay there I have learned that there is so much freedom in confession sins truly. It liberates you and the other person. So if you have had this struggle with someone I encourage you to open and tell them you would be amazed they may have some of the same feelings towards you as well which gives them freedom to share their weakness. So lets embrace our uniqueness and most importantly be deeply rooted in Gods love!

My Prayer for myself and for you: Ephesians 3

For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 15 from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, 16 that He would grant us according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 that Christ may dwell in our hearts through faith; that we, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— 19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that we may be filled with all the fullness of God and come to embrace our unique identity in him in Jesus name!

-From Jesus With Love