The Sin of Job…”Woe is Me”

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This the first time I have given myself over in Lent truly allow the Lord to do surgery upon my heart and have his way in me. As it is a time of purification as the Lord draws you nearer to produce holiness.  He mentioned it would be challenging and how it has been to say the least. As he been showing me many hidden sins within myself that have been a hindrance to what he has called me to and to holiness. He has allowed many test and trials which I seemed to fail right after the other because of the same vices. I began to get frustrated, discouraged and found myself in self pity as I was thinking but Lord I have done all you have asked, I have done this..and that and this…and holy spirit continued to give reading in Job during my time of communion. As I finally realized he was pointing out one major hidden sin which was the sin of Job, the “woe is me sin”. The sin of Self Righteousness and Self Pity.

Job 32:2-4

So these three men stopped answering Job, because he was righteous in his own eyes. But Elihu son of Barakel the Buzite, of the family of Ram, became very angry with Job for justifying himself rather than God. He was also angry with the three friends, because they had found no way to refute Job, and yet had condemned him. 

If I can be honest many times I have heard of the story of job and read the last chapter but not the entire book and I never quite understood why his friends were reprimanded by God or understood why Job was severely chastised by the Lord. It was God who told Satan that he was righteous Job 2:6-22. However, as you see in Job 31, Job goes on to tell his friends all the sin’s had not committed to be worthy of this suffering he was going thru. Which sounded just like me when the Lord would reveal another hidden sin I would go on this rant within my heart regrading all the the sins I hadn’t done because it was utterly despondent  to find myself falling into sin everyday. Until, the Holy Spirit began to show me it is my Self righteousness that causes me to go into self pity when the Lord allows more suffering or reveals sin because there is nothing I can do within myself to ever be clean before him. It is Christ righteousness that makes me clean and therefore whatever he allows I deserve because he took the worst punishment which was death. Which I never have to taste because of what Christ has done.

I was humbled to say the least and really began to see the depravity of my immense pride that still lingered now in self righteousness and contending with the Lord by going into self pity when he allowed these ever fiery trials as I deserved his consolation or relief. He has been truly teaching me what it means to be a “living sacrifice” and to be yielded in “Total Surrender” which means to be a wounded prisoner of his love. Suffering with Christ and as Job finally stated “if he slay me, yet I will praise him” (Job 13:15). I believe the Lord is looking for us all as believers to come to that place of maturity that though he slays our flesh yet we will praise him! For many of us we are not willing to suffer or even surrender in suffering because we murmur, complain, get discouraged and worse go in self pity thinking we don’t deserve what the Lord is allow which will lead us all into self righteousness.

 

However, the Lord is faith and even though he is sovereign and he has divine providence over each our lives with whatever he allows which is always right and just. He is a good good Father as he has been reminding me in this season of Lent. That although this process of purification is painful and challenging he promises to restore. Always that nothing we sacrifice or endure is without merit in due time if we don’t give up. He is faithful to restore, establish and strengthen us. Just as Job, whose later days were far more glorious, joyful, fulfilling and fruitful more than the former. So my friend lets continue to endure and say yes to Jesus to whatever he ask of us, whatever he takes from us, and whatever failures we face. We say yes to you Jesus, we thank you for your righteousness that you clothe me us with and  give us he grace to rejoice in our suffering in Jesus name!

-From Jesus with Love

 

Job 31

What Can I Expect from God?

31 1-4 “I made a solemn pact with myself
    never to undress a girl with my eyes.
So what can I expect from God?
    What do I deserve from God Almighty above?
Isn’t calamity reserved for the wicked?
    Isn’t disaster supposed to strike those who do wrong?
Isn’t God looking, observing how I live?
    Doesn’t he mark every step I take?

5-8 “Have I walked hand in hand with falsehood,
    or hung out in the company of deceit?
Weigh me on a set of honest scales
    so God has proof of my integrity.
If I’ve strayed off the straight and narrow,
    wanted things I had no right to,
    messed around with sin,
Go ahead, then—
    give my portion to someone who deserves it.

9-12 “If I’ve let myself be seduced by a woman
    and conspired to go to bed with her,
Fine, my wife has every right to go ahead
    and sleep with anyone she wants to.
For disgusting behavior like that,
    I’d deserve the worst punishment you could hand out.
Adultery is a fire that burns the house down;
    I wouldn’t expect anything I count dear to survive it.

13-15 “Have I ever been unfair to my employees
    when they brought a complaint to me?
What, then, will I do when God confronts me?
    When God examines my books, what can I say?
Didn’t the same God who made me, make them?
    Aren’t we all made of the same stuff, equals before God?

16-18 “Have I ignored the needs of the poor,
    turned my back on the indigent,
Taken care of my own needs and fed my own face
    while they languished?
Wasn’t my home always open to them?
    Weren’t they always welcome at my table?

19-20 “Have I ever left a poor family shivering in the cold
    when they had no warm clothes?
Didn’t the poor bless me when they saw me coming,
    knowing I’d brought coats from my closet?

21-23 “If I’ve ever used my strength and influence
    to take advantage of the unfortunate,
Go ahead, break both my arms,
    cut off all my fingers!
The fear of God has kept me from these things—
    how else could I ever face him?

If Only Someone Would Give Me a Hearing!

24-28 “Did I set my heart on making big money
    or worship at the bank?
Did I boast about my wealth,
    show off because I was well-off?
Was I ever so awed by the sun’s brilliance
    and moved by the moon’s beauty
That I let myself become seduced by them
    and worshiped them on the sly?
If so, I would deserve the worst of punishments,
    for I would be betraying God himself.

29-30 “Did I ever crow over my enemy’s ruin?
    Or gloat over my rival’s bad luck?
No, I never said a word of detraction,
    never cursed them, even under my breath.

31-34 “Didn’t those who worked for me say,
    ‘He fed us well. There were always second helpings’?
And no stranger ever had to spend a night in the street;
    my doors were always open to travelers.
Did I hide my sin the way Adam did,
    or conceal my guilt behind closed doors
Because I was afraid what people would say,
    fearing the gossip of the neighbors so much
That I turned myself into a recluse?
    You know good and well that I didn’t.

35-37 “Oh, if only someone would give me a hearing!
    I’ve signed my name to my defense—let the
        Almighty One answer!
    I want to see my indictment in writing.
Anyone’s welcome to read my defense;
    I’ll write it on a poster and carry it around town.
I’m prepared to account for every move I’ve ever made—
    to anyone and everyone, prince or pauper.

38-40 “If the very ground that I farm accuses me,
    if even the furrows fill with tears from my abuse,
If I’ve ever raped the earth for my own profit
    or dispossessed its rightful owners,
Then curse it with thistles instead of wheat,
    curse it with weeds instead of barley.”

The words of Job to his three friends were finished.

 

 

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Losing My Job To Work For Jesus

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I keep hearing this statement from others “Your one of the busiest people I know with no job”and I realize how very true that is lol. I am working, just working for Jesus now. When I was let go from my job 8 months ago I had no idea what the Lord had ins tore for me. First going through all different emotions of confusion, anxiety, fear and excitement all at the same time. I remember my co-worker saying “don’t worry Nana, don’t look at this as a demotion but a promotion from the Lord”. I just knew the Lord was releasing me into my calling….which is to work for him not at all what I thought it would look like. As I walk with the Lord I am learning I don’t come anywhere close to having him figured out because many times even what he tells me to do doesn’t turn out like I expect. However, working for Jesus is the best retirement, savings, 401K, insurance anyone can ever have!

1 Corinthians 15: 58
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

MY WORK:
I have come to realize that when you work diligently for the Lord and his kingdom you will be criticized or judged. Don’t be surprised by that. Many times I have statements with people thinking I am striving, performing, religious for the Lord or being legalistic lol. However, my passion & my diligence all come from my love I have for Jesus and sense of urgency. As believers we must understand the times we are living in and the time is so short, JESUS IS COMING and we need to be about the Lords business. The enemy is so good at getting many believers right now distracted about petty frivolous things that will bare no fruit in the kingdom. Even when I was working, the Lord would lead me ever so gently to stay up and do vidoes for him on “his” youtube channel even if it was going on 1 am saying ” work whiles there is still daylight (john 9:4)” He would wake me up in the middle of the night to pray.  He would lead me too began a blog and to be diligent about it no matter what. Then at some point had me going out to evangelizing from 3-6 everyday working for him. He now has me leading a small group in our churches young adults ministry, overseeing volunteers at my church, leading monthly outreaches, teaching on youtube, blogging, and most recently taking up piano and sketching! I love it all! Yes, there have been many times I have been weary, discouraged, honestly sometimes even sick and Jesus would so sweetly say to me ” My grace is sufficient for you, if you will do it I will provide more grace to complete it”. He did every time, it would amaze me and in those moments I came to see not only how Gods grace works but, appreciate it all that the more. I began to cultivate a closer relationship with the Holy Spirit, realizing how its Him who does all the work through us all the time. I know work to build up the Kingdom of God in every way possible, my time and my life is not my own anymore. So what work has God called you too and you have been making excuses, been scared or have been delaying, or just down right disobedient? I want to encourage you…..GET TO WORK…we need you in the kingdom!

MY PROVISION:
Wow, if that is one thing the Lord has been teaching me this year is trusting him with my finances and provision. I don’t think I ever have and I can’t say I have complete trust yet however, I know this is a soft spot for many believers. Oh, if we would all just trust him the enemy would no longer have a foot hold on many who are at jobs, places, destinations they were never intended for but they stay for security, convenience or for status. GOD WILL PROVIDE. Once losing my job I was unemployment for 6 months and the Lord kept telling me to trust him with provision to continue working for him and not to look for a job. He finally spoke to me about a job but it didn’t come thru (hence don’t have him figured out lol) .Then a week before my unemployment is about to run out I get a call from my former employer that I have a 401k that I am able to cash out….I was like waaa lol. It came right on time, then of course fear masquerading as “caution” that I need to be wise I can just use that money I should save it but I have come to know in the economy of God. Its all about giving away, sowing, giving until it hurts then the Lord will bring the increase. So I trusted the Lord cashed it out and began sowing in the kingdom in anyway I could trusting that I would sow all that I reaped. Sure enough with my funds getting low again. I got a call from a friend stating they had scholarship money from school and the Lord put me on their heart to sow into what He was doing. I was like, #HUSHJESUSHUSH yet again Lord you came thru!

I am not “vocationally working” for anyone. I have no car or any job prospects. In the eyes of many I may look like lost potential, a bum or even out of my mind lol but, I am working for Jesus. Investing all that I have in the Economy of the Kingdom which will never fail or crash. Trusting and knowing that my return will far out way my investment.  Seek HIS kingdom in all things and everything….I mean everything will be added unto. I am working every so diligently hear on this earth living for eternity. Will you too?

 

Matthew 6:33
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

-From Jesus with Love

When God Calls You To Walk On The Waves With Him

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I know a lot of times we hear when God  is calling you higher that means your going deeper which is true, but a lot of times it never looks they way you envision it. You think a deeper dive in the ocean but he actually means he is calling you higher. Higher level of faith, trust, hope in him. Not only does he call you out of the boat to walk on the water but he calls you then to go deeper which requires a deeper level of trust and faith by walking on the waves with him.

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said.

My walk has been nothing short of interesting to say the least, just a few weeks ago I wrote a blog about contending with contentment at my job.  The job that I was finding difficult to wake up every morning to go to0, the job that I was complaining about, the job that the Lord was teaching me to be excellence, content, and faithful at……..well that job let me go last Tuesday. You would think I would be excited or relieved but it was such a shock, very unexpected. I think sometimes the Lord is thinking this girl doesn’t know what she wants, isn’t he so gracious lol! I woke up that morning excited in the wee hours of 4 am to spend time with the Lord and wonderful time it was in his presence, worship and reading the word before work. I was so full of joy that morning, now I had heard rumors of our positions being changed but not losing our jobs however, I went in that morning finding out we had a surprise meeting and they told us we were let go and to go home. I wasn’t sure what to think, if I can be honest inside I was keeping cool but on the inside I think my soul was jumping lol All these thoughts of doubt, fear, anxiety hit me..one of the lies of the enemy was telling me “see you woke up spend all that time with the Lord and he didn’t forwarn you, you don’t really hear from Jesus” that was the hardest lie I was trying to cast down.

OUT OF THE BOAT

You see, the Lord called me to lay down my life for him almost  3 years ago. I had intended on pursuing my own business I had at the time, my clothing and jewelry line and move to NY until I had a radical encounter with my beloved Jesus and it changed everything. So when he asked me  almost 3 years ago to live for him I said “of course, I will tell everyone about you and what you have done for me, my life is yours no turning back! I surrender all to you Jesus”. So when the Lord lead me to my job I thought I wouldn’t be there for long or so I thought a few months turned into a year, then the one year turned to two and I was anxious along the way but the Lord kept telling me to wait, Nana wait….

Psalm 27:14
Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.

ON THE WATER

So in the midst of waiting he began to change my perspective and stir my heart for him in such a way to have my life be a witness for others. That wasn’t my intention at the job but he began to show me that I was there by assignment in the midst of me waiting.  So I started to notice the Lord giving me opportunities to share him with my coworkers, to pray and encourage and he even opened the door to began a prayer meeting at the job! Which I looked forward too and enjoyed, he began to give me words of knowledge and dreams about my coworkers to draw them closer to him! Indeed he was stirring my passion to be bold and courageous for him however, he began speaking to my heart to totally surrender and abandon myself to his will. I would get this word over and over again to the point it became frustrating because I thought I had totally surrendered, I wasn’t sure what else I needed too. I kept telling the Lord all is yours, I live a hedged life because you ask that of me, I am at this job surrendered to waiting on you because you said too what else Lord. Thinking to myself I am like peter Lord, you called me to walk on the water jump out of the boat called  “Nanas idea of her life” to follow you and I did just that not sure what else I can give…oh but was I mistaken. He wanted TOTAL SURRENDER & ABONDMENT which means whatever may come, whatever you allow Jesus I am yours. I remember when I started hat job and being around other Christians friends who were called and knew their calling I was so insecure at that time and doubtful because I didn’t know mine so I went on lunch break crying out to the Lord to show me my calling please just show me and he said:

“I cant show you I have to lead you”

WALKING ON THE WAVES

So now he has lead me out the boat, on the water now even higher to walking on the wave. Losing my job caused my eyes to be fixed on the storm rather than on Jesus gaze and his hands that have been right in front of me. I knew the next step from this job would be walking into my purpose and that’s why I was so anxious to leave because I thought I was ready. But we know God is very funny and he will always give you what you ask for just not the way you want it lol That’s exactly what he has done, he has called me higher and deeper in him, not to stop walking on the water called faith, not to go back to the boat called comfortability by getting another job, no he has called me to continue to grab his hand, gaze in his eyes and trust him as he guides me step by step to walk above the storm and to walk on the waves. I have learned that that I am actually always on assignment whenever, with whoever and wherever I am at. I am a pilgrim on an journey here on this earth and that to surrender is not just a one time choice but a daily choice to say today I die that you live Jesus may I do your will and not my own. So I have been asked the question so many times what are going to do, what’s next, what are you waiting for? All I can say is that I am being led by the one who loves me the most, who created me and knows my purpose and is threading this beautiful tapestry of grace called my life and only he knows the finished work. As he is building my trust in him in a deeper way, growing a greater level of faith in me and sanctifying me for his use. Of course he has me waiting again for the next direction. As I sit at his feet I find myself wondering what he is up too slightly anxious if I can be honest but excited about this crazy adventure that I get to do with my forever life partner, leader and guide Jesus!