Many Are Being Hit With Assignments of Hopelessness

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Romans 5:5

And HOPE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT US, because God has poured out His love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.

It was in during April when the Lord shared with me “that this summer would be difficult a test of faith and the enemy would do all that he can to make me feel hopeless because everything would come against the words he was speaking to me…everything”. Sure enough that has been so true, I don’t think I have been test and tried like I have this summer. However, I am continuously reminded when the Lord speaks to me about things concerning attacks and assignments against me many times its a corporate assignment against the body of Christ.

As I began to respond to comments through social media I started noticing that many other believers where feeling the same type of oppression. Many were battling with feelings of depression, hopelessness and even more so this month as it is Suicide prevention month, spirits of suicide have been released on the body of Christ as well. Forwarned is to be forearmed you know. The Lord has many of us fiery trials and battles that have seemed so long and arduous to truly test our character and our faith that many of us have gone weary. In the weariness the enemy comes at the most vulnerable moment to release thoughts, lies, images, and impressions of hopelessness. Saying “nothing will every change”, “you don’t really believe what the Lord said do you”, “Look your still in the same predicament, give up”, “go back to the old you”, ” Don’t wait on the Lord, YOU do something about it”, ” Are you sure Jesus said…look what is going on” and so much more but we must’n give into the lies! ( now just so you know I am talking to myself here too lol)

I realize before the arrow of hopelessness hit us, we open the door to doubt. Doubting Gods promises, doubting his faithfulness and doubting his goodness. When we began to doubt, the the demon of unbelief enter, the demon of impatience which is accompanied with the demon of anxiety, discouragement, depression and hopelessness. They have a field day in the minds and hearts of those who began to doubt Gods word and ways.  Once we get into that mindset we no longer see the value or have faith in praying and seeking the Lord. We find ourselves easily drawn away to other comforts to distract us which can easily pull us so far away we lose our desire for Gods presence all together. So how can we combat this onslaught?

Antidote: Strong praise and worship in the midst of your storm

I am here to encourage you to RISE UP! Now is the time for FERCIOUS FOCUS OF FAITH like never before! Cast down those vain imaginations, thoughts, and feelings began to declare the Lords promises, what he says about you and your situation not what your seeing or feeling. We must go back to the altars of faith. Everyone has them, think of moments in your life where God has answered prayers, when he made provision for you and of his faithfulness. Just as David did we must remind ourselves first of who God is and what he had done in the past remembring that He never changes! He is the same God today, yesterday and forever and if he was faithful before he will be faithful again. I had to go back in my journal and see how God had been leading my life the many things I wrote down not expecting him to answer and realizing many of the answered prayers I am walking in now! This too shall pass, like all the other trials and battles. Upon writing this blog this quote popped on my instagram so timely from my favorite Saint

“The Longer the trial to which God subjects you. The greater the goodness in comforting you during the time of trial and in the exaltation after the combat”
-St. Padre Pio

I am learning that during the test of our faith our hope must never lie on the circumstances changes, not on the people involved, in what is being said, in what is being done to you or what is not being done to you, and definitely not how we feel. our HOPE must be in Jesus Christ alone. We must hope in our Lords character which is good, loving, faithful, and just. Knowing that if he is allowing whatever your going through he will work it out for your good, bringing beauty out of ashes and its because he loves you that he has called you to endure and he is just, that is why he is allowing this to form you and He is faithful to bring all his promises to you to past. So lets us continue to have our hope be in Jesus alone as we cling to the cross in this season of our lives and honestly in every season. As we wait patiently by his grace for him to restore all that has been lost and to refine his beautiful masterpieces into the most beautiful tapestry called our lives for HIS glory!

Say”Jesus I trust you, Jesus I trust you, Jesus I trust you”

Psalm 27:14
Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.

 

 

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How The Lord Delivered Me From A “Religious Spirit” Because of Delayed Obedience


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                        “OBEDIENCE IS YOUR PROTECTION”
-Jesus

 

If I can be very honest, I had a sense of fear and shame over take me for moments in wanting to share this testimony and writing this blog. My walk compared to other counterparts have always lets just say different lol. Many things have been said, about my walk as the Lord would always encourage me to press in and not to worry. So I always relied on him being the last word despite the scorn and contempt I faced. So when I found out that I had been oppressed by this spirit as others have thought in the past shame wanted to over take me not to share but I remembered this testimony is for the glory of God! Not only that the heaviness I endured I would never want anyone to go through that.  Through this fiery trial I  have learned a valuable lesson in obedience as children we have heard one way or the other by our parents “delayed obedience is disobedience”. Man isn’t that the truth and I have come to understand the fear of the Lord. So the lord delivered me so that this may bring deliverance to someone else! SO I SCREAM FROM THE ROOFTOP THAT WHO THE SON SETS FREE IS FREE INDEED!

During Lent this is the first time I have observed it seriously. It was a wonderful time of me doing the Lords Supper day and night with the Lord.  However, difficult as the Lord began to really do a work in my heart bringing hidden sins to the light as he was desiring to purify my heart. I had been ordained by this ministry a few month back and I began to notice the Lord was truly stripping me more and more of things of the world. He eventually began to lead me in putting a lot of ministry work and stay at his feet instead. I would come before him every morning to hear from him as he desired for me to journal our conversations and his instructions for the day. Then he called us to fasting and intercession for our nation offering whatever sacrifices we desired with our prayers. So one of the sacrifices he asked of me was my showers (okay now back story before your thinking waaa). In order to take a shower I would have too go to  friends house and I felt he wanted me to offer this too him as cross to bare for a day or two so gladly I obliged. Then in our of our conversations he desired that he wanted to teach me about obedience and discernment.  Then later on I found out the Lord was calling me to a vocation of prayer and solitude for  season at a prayer community which I struggled with so it was making sense. These things he was asking me to deny because he was slowly pulling me out of the world and into  lifestyle of prayer/solitude. This community is in the mountains and many times there may be moments we have take bucket baths so I found out about all this after the fact therefore confirming why the Lord was asking of these things.

So there are many things I use for discernment one of the things the Lord has taught me to use was a book called the “Bible promises” its all scriptures with different titles and he Lord would lead me from there. Each title meant something for me as the Holy Spirit wanted me to seek him in my decisions throughout the day so I would know his will. At first it was amazing, he really directed me through each scriptures when I would be doing ministry work online, even helped to discern what was going on spiritually with others when I would answer questions.  However, about two weeks ago a “false Jesus” slipped in and I found myself feeling so condemned many times with being called repentance, and my sins always before me and being called to a very very strict “Obedience”. I found myself becoming jealous of others and their walk with the Lord because they seemed to have so much freedom but it seems the Lord demanded so much from me. Now I reconciled this was the Lord at first because as I mentioned my walk had somewhat been that way with him. There were many things that others could do but Jesus would always ask me gently to deny and I did so out of love for him willingly. However, this time around I began to fear then love him or this strict compliance with denying myself. I found myself not feeling the freedom to go outside to take a walk, answer my phone, doing work online because as I would seek him with the scriptures he would give me “lust” and “obedience”.  It seems my sweet gentle Jesus seemed so far from me. Everywhere I reached in the span of the two weeks when this began I found when I opened the bible judgment, patiently endure, and to offer this affliction as a cross.  I was finding no relief from this anguish.  I am apart of this intercessory group but I see now out of pride and fear I didn’t open up to tell anyone because to be honest I think I didn’t want to be wrong about this. I kept thinking I am seeking you everyday you wouldn’t steer me wrong right?

Luke 11:28
He replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”

 

There were two points of breakthrough as I began to wake up I found myself drained, full of anxiety, fearful in ever decision and just waking up to go to sleep. I no longer enjoyed the Lords supper because I would feel worse about myself when I would leave his presence. Everything began to be a source of condemnation even worship, I would hear songs and the lyrics would began to make me wonder if I was in his will at that moment. My head felt so tight, I had such heaviness on my back, my mind was confused and I was weary. Then I felt I was asked again to fast  which I began to do however when I asked to be released from these sacrifices, like taking a shower and eating as I sought him using the scriptures in my Bible promise I would get “Lust”. I was utterly despondent but, I wanted to be obedient so I obliged but so unhappily. My family and friends something was up at this point and I find out now many had been praying for me through this. So I lied in my bed as a song began to play by “Grace Williams your anointing”.  I kept thinking as the songs began to play ” Break those chains of bondage those heavy chains…you are free, you are free. stretch out your hands receive your freedom right now”. As I did that I felt like liquid being poured on my head and the release from my head.  I than sought the Lord if I could eat at this point and I got scriptures on “Gods love”” so I knew that was  yes! I rushed to go eat thinking wait what am I in bondage too could this be  lying spirit…no it couldn’t?! (pride again)  I then sought the Lord again and he gave me this word in one of my rhemas and said ” Ask for the grace of discerning of spirits as the scriptures says you cannot trust every spirit”. I was dumbfounded I couldn’t believe that I could be deceived this way. Oh how humbling it was at this point I hadn’t reached out to any of my members of my intercessor group as to what what’s going on so immediately I did.

As I opened up telling me superior everything and what I was hearing as she confirmed those things seemed extreme and maybe the Lord was telling me to come right away to this prayer community then waiting but still I wanted to hear from the Lord myself. There was so much confusion about this decision whether to wait or go right away(pride again)

You see  the Lord had called me to this prayer community about 2 weeks prior giving me the scripture
“Do not be afraid,” Jesus said to Simon, “from now on you will catch men.” And when they had brought their boats ashore, they left everything and followed him.

However I had fought with this call because I didn’t know the Lord was leading me and finally when I come to accept it I wanted more time for him to tell me when to leave…..(hence now I see in the scripture above the they left immediately to follow Jesus so I should’ve known) My spiritual mother felt that I was suppose to come right away but I was still struggling with surrendering to this call and I remember getting a rhema from the Lord that said  “Obedience is like a knight clothed in a full suit of stout armor, with his sword on a strong and spirited horse. Riding into battle, he surely has the advantage over his foes. Whereas, Disobedience is like a knight with no helmet, no armor and no sword, seated on a sorry nag of a horse. He will surely be unseated, dislodged and taken captive.””. So here I found myself two weeks in torment thinking that the Holy Spirit wanted me to be obedient to every tedious decision I did daily in the house and not go outside, not eat while offering it all to the Lord as I am waiting. Which of course was not him but I had become that friar who sulkily obeyed by saying yes but dragging in obedience to Gods call to leave which allowed the enemy to slip in..wow. But the Lord showed his great mercy towards me and heard the cry of my heart two days. When I woke up again 2 days after having the breakthrough but still so oppressed and heavy. I woke up with the song playing in my head then I felt liquid being poured on my head again.  I thought to myself hmmm Holy Spirit what was that about as I got up from the bed I walked to my computer to began work and I found my anointing oil which had been lost for months lying right by my chair (not coincidence). So I thought of the song and I anointed my hands and head just then my spiritual mother called again as she had sought the Lord on my behalf in he midst of all my confusion. As we both sought holy spirit finding out that my discernment was way off and of course it was not Holy Spirit, she then asked the Lord if I am meant to leave everything and come right now. Holy Spirit gave her scriptures on “joy” and “success”. I was in shock but so grateful for this break through at that moment. I felt a peace I couldn’t explain and my whole body was so warm with his presence. I got on my knees in tears thinking the Lord for his great mercy towards me for clarity and deliverance at that very moment the oppression lifted immediately! I literally ran outside lol and me and the “real Jesus” took a walk. As I have taken this walking routine so many times I noticed things I hadn’t before I believe the Lord wanted me to see. The first was  rose bush blooming so beautiful and I felt the Lord telling me that I will bloom beautifully and then I saw a bush I pass everyday when I would walk with the kids but as I looked closely it had fruit on there! It was an apricot tree and I felt he was confirming that as I leave I would bare fruit. So the Lord has set me free from what kept me bound, the love of the world, the love of my family, my own wisdom and my need to know when I don’t understand.  I see how now the importance of immediate obedience is may he give me the grace to “get up, leave everything and follow him if he ask me again. So no longer in the waiting…this is a new season and chapter in my life as I dive into the unknown with Jesus and in freedom to be all that he has called me to be!….So please be obedient immediately to whatever the Lord is asking or calling you too you wont regret it!

Praise to God for His Salvation and Providence!

Praise is awaiting You, O God, in Zion; 
Psalm 65
And to You the [a]vow shall be performed.
2 O You who hear prayer,
To You all flesh will come.
3 Iniquities prevail against me;
As for our transgressions,
You will provide atonement for them.

4 Blessed is the man You choose,
And cause to approach You,
That he may dwell in Your courts.
We shall be satisfied with the goodness of Your house,
Of Your holy temple.

5 By awesome deeds in righteousness You will answer us,
O God of our salvation,
You who are the confidence of all the ends of the earth,
And of the far-off seas;
6 Who established the mountains by His strength,
Being clothed with power;
7 You who still the noise of the seas,
The noise of their waves,
And the tumult of the peoples.
8 They also who dwell in the farthest parts are afraid of Your signs;
You make the outgoings of the morning and evening [b]rejoice.

9 You [c]visit the earth and water it,
You greatly enrich it;
The river of God is full of water;
You provide their grain,
For so You have prepared it.
10 You water its ridges abundantly,
You settle its furrows;
You make it soft with showers,
You bless its growth.

11 You crown the year with Your goodness,
And Your paths drip with abundance.
12 They drop on the pastures of the wilderness,
And the little hills rejoice on every side.
13 The pastures are clothed with flocks;
The valleys also are covered with grain;
They shout for joy, they also sing.

-From Jesus with love

Great Faith Is Tried In The Waiting

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When the Lord says” READY, SET…..WAIT lol. As I saw this image for this blog post I just fell in love. It summed up perfectly for me not only what my walk has been like but learning that Great Faith is made in the “waiting”. You see for me I had prayed to the Lord often when I would watch sermons of the generals of the faith and read book on  great missionaries who had done great exploits for the Lord and cried out in my heart asking Lord make me women of Great faith”.  Then excited to get direction from him about the task that he had for me however, I would consistently get “be patient”, “wait” Hmm. At first when I began to follow Christ I was a lot more anxious to know my calling and excited that the Lord had called me to his services as I would wait for direction for the next step and get “wait”, then the second year “wait’, then the third year “wait”. The Lord would always provide small task here and there to ensure I was faithful, He would move me from my job, out of my apartment, back to my mothers house to ensure I was faithful and to humble me and grow me in charity, then the forth year still “waiting”. It hasn’t been easy sometimes waiting on the Lord is the most difficult thing to do but, our trust grows. So I began to have others around me began to question and not quite understand why I seemed too always  be”waiting on the Lord”. Some began to say, well you know “faith without works is dead”  as if to say that I must do something to help the Lord out rather than doing exactly what he said “wait”.

James 2:26
For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also. 

Many read this scripture out of context but, when you go back and read verse 23 Paul talks about Abraham “believing God” and it was counted to him as righteousness. It wasn’t through his faith only but, his works. So to simply believe is a “works of faith”. Its not only about action but, how well someone believes. It took work to believe what God spoke to Abraham and because he did believe it worked out his faith! So too have great faith means simply to believe greatly! Yes it is in the waiting where our Great faith is tried, tested and grown. We live in a generation who don’t know how to wait. We want everything fast, convenient and in a hurry. If there is any delay we call it “the enemy of progress” lol. We rush to to grow up, we rush to go to college, we rush to graduate, we rush to get married, we rush to have the career we want, we rush to have children, we rush to go to places, we rush to get into ministry if God calls us. We rush to clean, We rush to get things done…rush, rush, rush this little demon of rush. I tell you there are demons behind this as the Lord has revealed through still small voice ministry, a prophetic ministry I am apart of . Jesus often taught us that their are always demons that cause his people to rush. As I get this rhema often:

“The rabbit ran circles around the turtle but the turtle won the race. Gods processes are slow Don’t be in a hurry”

In our generation we have been provided with much knowledge about who God is but, many us….many have not really grown or matured in great faith. Especially in our country where we have everything accessible to us. In a book I read a while back a missionary who visited the U.S.  said Him and his brethren would gather together in a remote village to meet secretly to have bible study during their communion time the Lord would turn their water into wine every time. You see they were to poor to afford purchasing wine so they trusted and believed the Lord do a miracle and he blessed their faith. Upon finishing his message a young man came to him and said, why do you think in America we do not see miracles like that and the missionary simply said “because you guys have wine”. lol  In our country there is a tendency to get everything we need rather than relying on God to show up for what we need therefore having great faith.
We did a bible study at my small group last Friday as we went through the passages of scripture in Hebrew 11 and dissecting what is looks like to have great faith as our for fathers before us. So It was so amazing, refreshing , sobering and so convicting, To see how our faith measured up to these great heroes of faith who are now cloud of witness that cheer us on. From Hebrew 11  This is what Great Faith looks Like

  • Faith is framed by the word of God- What promises has the Lord given to you and will you cling to it however long it takes too be fulfilled?
  • Faith is invisible you can not see it but you hope in it and then you will see
  • Faith approves our righteousness and is a gift from God but can be given back to him when we believe in his word
  • Faith pleases God
  • Faith moves under a godly fear and obeys the word God gives
  • Faith will condemn and convict those around you
  • Faith will take a leap at Gods word even when it doesn’t know the full picture
  • Faith will take you into foreign places that will become your promise land
  • Faith waits on the Lords even when it seems impossible
  • Faith doesn’t entrust in itself but on the person who gave the promise, because He alone is Faithful
  • Faith can give you a child at any age despite what the Doctors say (just saying)
  • Faith is a lifestyle…its not only what you believe but how you live
  • Faith sometimes is not always seen on this side of heaven
  • Faith continues to believe the “word” will not pass away even if you pass away without seeing the promise
  • Faith is living for Eternity
  • Faith gives itself as a living sacrifice and willing to give to God whatever he ask no matter how precious it is to us
  • Faith doesn’t yield to fear
  • Faith endures affliction or suffering rather than to enjoy fleeting pleasures
  • Faith regarded disgrace for Christ sake as greater value than the treasures of the world
  • Faith looks ahead for the eternal reward
  • Faith perseveres through the most heaviest of tribulations or trials
  • Faith is obedient
  • Faith suffers much persecution to gain a better resurrection or glory with God
  • Faith looks crazy, sometimes sheepskin, weird clothing, hermit solitude lifestyle kind of crazy lol

So what are you waiting on God for? If you say you truly believe what does your life and lifestyle say do you have faith in Gods known word or even a prophetic word he has given you? Will you continue to wait when the world, family members, friends, pressure you to move ahead of Gods timing, Will you continue to wait on the Lord or will you be moved by a bad report, or circumstance, situations or even how you feel? Will you wait on the Lord as he is growing your faith? I believe the bigger the miracle, the greater the waiting, the greater the ministry, the greater the preparation, the bigger the testimony, the greater the testing in Faith. So will you wait beloved as the Lord is refining you into a GREAT MAN OR WOMAN OF FAITH!

“The greater you wait on me for marriage (or anything) the greater your reward”

-Jesus
(still small voice ministry)

-From Jesus With Love

You Seek Me But You Dont Trust Me -Jesus

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I woke up two night ago with a dream that disturbed me a little. I couldn’t quite understand the meaning and wasn’t sure what I needed to do or even how to pray. So I sought the Lord with a quick prayer and used my rhema cards to get a word from Holy Spirit concerning what to do. He then gave me this rhema word:

“Seek me for me. You Seek me but you don’t trust in me that’s what makes you go off on your own.”- Jesus

Tears immediately began to roll down my cheeks as it hit my heart so tenderly. I could just hear Jesus’s hurt behind these words. Yes, we can move Gods heart to pain when we don’t trust him. I began to think how faithful he had been, how he had come thru for me so many times in this short but intimate relationship we have had for almost 4 years now and I stood before him still not yet trusting him.

Matthew 8:26
“You of little faith,” Jesus replied, “why are you so afraid?”

Imagine being in a relationship with someone who you have given your entire self too. You have been patient with them through many times of betrayals, their wandering, their rejection of your love yet you never left. Faithfully available for them whenever they needed, always there to comfort, give an encouraging word, guidance and love. Yet after being with you for so many years they confess that they really don’t trust you. That would be so painful and that’s what I felt in that moment how easily wavered I am in my heart with the Lord. My weakness yet again naked before the one I love However, I am so grateful that he is always willing to expose this issues of my heart so I don’t continue on in our relationship like this

Then secondly as he mentioned too “Seek me for Me”. That hit a chord as well realizing sadly searched my heart to see if indeed I had  become a seeker of things, of answers or even going thru the motions rather than relationship with him. I felt his tenderness and grief over this as well because many seek the Lord for selfish motives. For breakthrough, for blessings, for favor, for knowledge, for clarity, and the list can go on and on. Now these things aren’t bad to seek the Lord on but when that becomes the #1 motive then we have lost relationship with HIM. He is by no means a far off distant, unrelatable, irrelevant God. No, Jesus is so very real and as He is God, He is also fully man so he too has REAL EMOTIONS and NEEDS that many forgot or haven’t been taught. He desires relationship and how many of us seek the Lord daily just for HIS sake? Just to be with Him, to console him, to love Him, to communion with Him, to see how his day is going, to hear his heart? Imagine being in a relationship with someone who sought you for what they can get rather then who you are…hmm

Isaiah 29:19
Therefore the Lord said: “These people draw near to Me with their mouths and honor Me with their lips, but their hearts are far from Me.

So I came before the Lord utterly broken, naked and repentant before him for hurting his tender heart as I did with my lack of faith in him. I just layed at his feet in worship and allowed myself to just enjoy his presence to get a word, see anything, get revelation or understanding but just to be with my beloved. Who was longing for my sincere affection and attention so I gave it. As I honestly said Jesus continue to grow my trust in you Lord and taking a deep breath still unknown about a lot of things and this season of wilderness I said ” Jesus I Trust You, Jesus I Trust You, Jesus I Trust You”.

So my friend if  you can be honest with yourselves are you really trusting the Lord or are you still struggling in that area as many of us do. Go back to seeking him just to be with him as you did in the beginning and take his had firmly with all your fears, insecurities and doubts with a deep breath saying “Jesus I Trust You, Jesus I Trust You, Jesus I Trust You”

 

-From Jesus with Love

Daddy Where Are You?….When God Hides Himself: Blind Faith

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Isaiah 45:15
Truly, You are a God who hides Himself, O God of Israel, Savior!

When I would read in scripture about God hiding himself it almost always equated to sin. However, I believe many of us have gone through season where the Lord seems so far from us, distant if you will and then were always told no God is not far its just that we are far from him. This scripture really explains that indeed the Lord can and will hide himself from us from time to time as I am learning in this season of my life. He hides himself to test us, to grow us in trust and in blind faith in him.

I find myself  in a season where I feel the Lord is calling me into an even deeper trust and truly blind faith in following him. As I am seeking God to discern his directions in certain decision in my life I am just not getting a clear answer, in fact nothing seems really clear. It feels really muddy as I am drudging along past lack of feeling, irritiabilites, fears and the unknown as i feel the Lord keeping saying ” will you trust me, will you trust me”. This has really been a test of faith for me as I look around with no fruit to show or motivate me to continue to labor on. The Lord reminds me will you labor in love of me only”. As I began to pray and ask him if he would give me the grace to love him more because honestly I find myself loving myself  little bit more rather than wanting to endure.

I am beginning to realize that the seasons in our life are not like the season on earth or definitely not as short lol. Sometimes I tend to equate a change of the earthly seasons or even the year as a change in a season of my life. eeeh wrong (sigh)  Candidly, as I struggle to stay encouraged and motivated as things still seem the same. Waiting for prayers to be answered in my family and my own personal life as I am still staying at my moms house, leading a church  small group,  managing a youtube channel, and work. I pictured myself as a little girl out in a huge field searching, looking for her Daddy ( Abba). As I frantically am calling out to him Lord where are you? Daddy where are you? I could just see him standing off which seemed like a distance but ever so near behind me but I didn’t realize it. That when the Holy Spirit began to impress upon my heart that ” When you seek me and I don’t answer you it is mostly likely a test, I sit and wait to see what you will do”

Psalm 26:2
Test me, O LORD, and try me; examine my heart and mind.

 

So I am beginning to understand as we  grow in maturity with the Lord he indeed has to hide himself from time to time to test us. To test our motives and to see if all that he has taught us is ingrained in our hearts and character. That without hearing him, without experiencing him, with out the “feeling” will we do his will? will we follow the ways of his heart? will we trust him? will we follow him in blind faith and do it anyway? Sad to say I have failed one too many times in these test but, I thank the Lord for his mercy and his ever so loving kindness that draws me back to pick me up again. Just to do it all over again….in hopes the next time I will pass the test!

-From Jesus with love