Truly, You are a God who hides Himself, O God of Israel, Savior!
When I would read in scripture about God hiding himself it almost always equated to sin. However, I believe many of us have gone through season where the Lord seems so far from us, distant if you will and then were always told no God is not far its just that we are far from him. This scripture really explains that indeed the Lord can and will hide himself from us from time to time as I am learning in this season of my life. He hides himself to test us, to grow us in trust and in blind faith in him.
I find myself in a season where I feel the Lord is calling me into an even deeper trust and truly blind faith in following him. As I am seeking God to discern his directions in certain decision in my life I am just not getting a clear answer, in fact nothing seems really clear. It feels really muddy as I am drudging along past lack of feeling, irritiabilites, fears and the unknown as i feel the Lord keeping saying ” will you trust me, will you trust me”. This has really been a test of faith for me as I look around with no fruit to show or motivate me to continue to labor on. The Lord reminds me will you labor in love of me only”. As I began to pray and ask him if he would give me the grace to love him more because honestly I find myself loving myself little bit more rather than wanting to endure.
I am beginning to realize that the seasons in our life are not like the season on earth or definitely not as short lol. Sometimes I tend to equate a change of the earthly seasons or even the year as a change in a season of my life. eeeh wrong (sigh) Candidly, as I struggle to stay encouraged and motivated as things still seem the same. Waiting for prayers to be answered in my family and my own personal life as I am still staying at my moms house, leading a church small group, managing a youtube channel, and work. I pictured myself as a little girl out in a huge field searching, looking for her Daddy ( Abba). As I frantically am calling out to him Lord where are you? Daddy where are you? I could just see him standing off which seemed like a distance but ever so near behind me but I didn’t realize it. That when the Holy Spirit began to impress upon my heart that ” When you seek me and I don’t answer you it is mostly likely a test, I sit and wait to see what you will do”
Test me, O LORD, and try me; examine my heart and mind.
So I am beginning to understand as we grow in maturity with the Lord he indeed has to hide himself from time to time to test us. To test our motives and to see if all that he has taught us is ingrained in our hearts and character. That without hearing him, without experiencing him, with out the “feeling” will we do his will? will we follow the ways of his heart? will we trust him? will we follow him in blind faith and do it anyway? Sad to say I have failed one too many times in these test but, I thank the Lord for his mercy and his ever so loving kindness that draws me back to pick me up again. Just to do it all over again….in hopes the next time I will pass the test!
-From Jesus with love