Daddy Where Are You?….When God Hides Himself: Blind Faith

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Isaiah 45:15
Truly, You are a God who hides Himself, O God of Israel, Savior!

When I would read in scripture about God hiding himself it almost always equated to sin. However, I believe many of us have gone through season where the Lord seems so far from us, distant if you will and then were always told no God is not far its just that we are far from him. This scripture really explains that indeed the Lord can and will hide himself from us from time to time as I am learning in this season of my life. He hides himself to test us, to grow us in trust and in blind faith in him.

I find myself  in a season where I feel the Lord is calling me into an even deeper trust and truly blind faith in following him. As I am seeking God to discern his directions in certain decision in my life I am just not getting a clear answer, in fact nothing seems really clear. It feels really muddy as I am drudging along past lack of feeling, irritiabilites, fears and the unknown as i feel the Lord keeping saying ” will you trust me, will you trust me”. This has really been a test of faith for me as I look around with no fruit to show or motivate me to continue to labor on. The Lord reminds me will you labor in love of me only”. As I began to pray and ask him if he would give me the grace to love him more because honestly I find myself loving myself  little bit more rather than wanting to endure.

I am beginning to realize that the seasons in our life are not like the season on earth or definitely not as short lol. Sometimes I tend to equate a change of the earthly seasons or even the year as a change in a season of my life. eeeh wrong (sigh)  Candidly, as I struggle to stay encouraged and motivated as things still seem the same. Waiting for prayers to be answered in my family and my own personal life as I am still staying at my moms house, leading a church  small group,  managing a youtube channel, and work. I pictured myself as a little girl out in a huge field searching, looking for her Daddy ( Abba). As I frantically am calling out to him Lord where are you? Daddy where are you? I could just see him standing off which seemed like a distance but ever so near behind me but I didn’t realize it. That when the Holy Spirit began to impress upon my heart that ” When you seek me and I don’t answer you it is mostly likely a test, I sit and wait to see what you will do”

Psalm 26:2
Test me, O LORD, and try me; examine my heart and mind.

 

So I am beginning to understand as we  grow in maturity with the Lord he indeed has to hide himself from time to time to test us. To test our motives and to see if all that he has taught us is ingrained in our hearts and character. That without hearing him, without experiencing him, with out the “feeling” will we do his will? will we follow the ways of his heart? will we trust him? will we follow him in blind faith and do it anyway? Sad to say I have failed one too many times in these test but, I thank the Lord for his mercy and his ever so loving kindness that draws me back to pick me up again. Just to do it all over again….in hopes the next time I will pass the test!

-From Jesus with love

 

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When The Arrows Hit,Head Into Triage

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Proverbs 18:10
The name of the LORD is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.

 

Jesus began
“what I am wanting to stress to all of you right now, is that there is a particularly intense battle going on to steal from you your special destinies and mission. The enemy has launched an all-out effort to deprive you of your callings. The distractions and tactics will come in many different forms, and forewarned is fore-armed. Not all that seems bad is bad; not all that seems good is good. Each thing must be discerned on an individual basis. This is at the heart of following Me faithfully and living in My Divine Will. Constant attentiveness and discernment are necessary to navigate these shark-infested waters.”

So what do you do when you find yourself hit by many fiery darts of the enemy? As any soldier would do, you run for the triage unit to have them heal your wounds so you can be strengthened and ready for another battle. So as a believer when we are hit we should run to our triage which is in the presence of God to be healed and restored.

The message above is from still small voice youtube channel, a prophetic ministry that I am a part of and the Lord provides daily messages to us. He couldn’t be more right that indeed these few weeks have been some of the most intense battles I have faced. In the spirit Fiery darts of the enemy can come in so many forms and boy how they hurt. Many Christians equate them to negative emotions or a feeling not recognizing they have just been hit. As Christians we have to remember we are at all times in a battle for our faith. The devils and demons are very real. They go to many lengths to bring us to unbelief so then you no longer began to hold up your shield of faith for protection.

A fiery dart is a tool the enemy uses to inject us with his poison. It happens when someone says a mean word that cut your heart, a curse word, negative label put on you, feeling rejection, abandoned, betrayed, fearful, doubt, jealously, pride there are so much more. They just dip the dart in  ( poison)whatever attack they have assigned to you and release it. If you are not covered in your full Armour (meaning walking in righteousness the arrows land) which cause the negative emotions and before you know it your offended. If you don’t repent immediately  then RUN INTO TRIAGE that poison begins to spread in your heart and cause seeds which can turn into roots then strongholds.

As I found myself with many arrows hitting my heart through various circumstances all the one thing I knew how to do was to run into the presence of God. As Christians we have to know how to enter into his presence…immediately. For in his presence comes forgiveness, mercy and grace given to you, healing and the fullness of Joy! Something supernatural happens literally when you enter into the presence of God. One time the Lord showed me a picture of my heart which had many thorns and it was hurting so bad. I knew a wrong thought enter my heart so the arrow landed. In his presence Jesus had surgical goggles, an tweezers and he was ever so tenderly and gently taking out the thorns one by one. After getting up from prayer my heart still delightedly hurt but felt so much better. Its like I had heart surgery! lol So you see as  a christian we must run to the triage daily for healing and strengthen or you will no longer be an effective soldier for the Kingdom of God.

Many soldiers have become bitter, resentful, rebellious, fearful, doubtful, lukewarm because when the enemies arrows came flying in the form of offense in anyway they never ran to triage. They allowed that negative, circumstance or memory stay in there heart and spread like poison. So encourage you brother and sister when the arrows start hitting run to the heavenly triage unit…..in the presence of your Father who is waiting to heal you, restore you and strengthen you!

-From Jesus with Love

 

Psalm 16:11
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

 

When Your Pregnant But No One Notices

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So how can one be pregnant carrying something in their womb but no one notices? That’s what you call spiritual pregnancy. You see every person was sent on this earth with Gods seed of light in them. Carrying a mission and a DNA in them that they only can uniquely accomplish which is called a destiny.  Many unfortunately never birth what God created them for out of fear,  laziness, comfortability, distraction, pride,  etc and many more down right reject Jesus…. the only one who is able to birth the missions into completion.  As a believer its important we are aware of this. You are carrying a seed of heaven within you that is meant to impact not only the world but, eternity. You must first recognize that your carrying something to ensure you don’t abort it.

Psalm 22:9-10
Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast. 
 From birth I was cast on you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God.

 

First Trimester- the most critical (don’t turn back to the world)

So this is the month of conception when you finally say yes to Jesus to surrender all to him and make Lord of your life. The Holy Spirit comes dwell within you and bring life to the seed God has placed in you.

  • THE BREAKING
  • This was a time for me of excitement I knew I was called by the Lord but, wasnt sure for what or how he would use me.  In excitement I told everyone thinking they would be excited too but realized very quickly spiritual pregnancy is not at all like physical pregnancy. Not everyone will be happy for you or even understand lol It’s okay because the conception was between you and the holy spirit. He actually is very private and loves to work behind the scenes so trust him.
  • In this trimester there is no number to how long the season will be. So you have to trust even when you don’t see anything growing. You must’n be moved by what people say or seek peoples validation it could cause you to turn back to the world.
  • Just as you would in your a physical pregnancy you have to change attitudes and create healthy habits for the baby. That’s the same with a spiritual pregnancy in this season. There will be a lot of opposition and spiritual warfare that will tempt you to give up. Don’t fall for it! You have to began some healthy habits of prayer, seeking the Lord, purity of eye, mind and body. So the Holy spirit can dwell in you fully now that your heart has become his home. So press on family you have something to birth!

 

Second Trimester-Growing in the things of the Lord

  • THE TESTING & PRUNING
  • People began to see something is different about you, a “glow” of course the LIGHT OF CHRIST IN YOU!
  • Once you pass the first trimester season it doesn’t get any easier necessarily but you do gain more trust in God and his promises. In this season you began to see some growth, some fruit showing in your life. Your growing in virtue as the Lord continues to test and prune you.
  • The only way you can grow is through testing and trials. Don’t be discouraged the more trials you face are opportunities for accelerated maturity in Christ.
  • In this season I began to grow in my faith as Jesus began to answer prayers. He just left me in awe of him. I began to be sure of my identity in Christ not by what he did through me or even what others said but by His words. I knew I was carrying something in me and was excited to see what God had planned.’ In this season i really learned about suffering and laying down my life for the Lord in order for him to trust me with the gift that is inside of me.
  • I realized in this season Jesus began to trust me! He trusted me with revelation, secret of his heart and direction. He would ask of me to do things for him to see if I would be obedient and faithful in the small things. So press on family you have something to birth!

 

Third Trimester-Birth pains (persevere don’t give up, don’t abort)

  • THE BREAKING, THE TESTING, THE PRUNING, THE WORKING, THE SUFFERING, & DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN lol
  • Don’t complain began to praise God for what he is about to birth in you. Let your faith arise in expectancy for what your hoping for even if you don’t see!
  • In this trimester/season people can testify of the work God is doing in you and even the vision God has but, many wont understand the process….I tell you too preserver. Don’t give in to people’s criticism or praise for it will be to your ruin. Unshakable faith is looking only for praise and or correction of God alone. He alone has a just viewpoint of your heart and knows your motive.
  • In this season God will continue to break you in areas you thought you were strengthen, test you further by stretching you, prune more layers in your heart, allow you to suffer in various ways all while doing work for him. In order to see if you truly desire to live for him and him alone.
  • You may have a vision or a knowing of the mission the Lord has within you but all the pieces haven’t come together yet. However, you see his footprints in the different steps he has taken you on to get you prepared and ready.
  • I am in that season now and I believe its the most critical because so much going on around you spiritually for the birth of what God has in you. Many times the Lord will put you on bed rest (a waiting period, where you have to endure patiently until the mission is ready to be birth) In this period is where you will get opinions from everyone else about what you should and shouldn’t be doing. Many people questioning your walk or vision with the Lord because they don’t see the “baby” but you must preserver. Trust in what God has spoken to you and know that this is a vital time to listen and walk closely with Jesus. To preserver in obedience to him and him alone. One wrong choice could cause you delay and leave you murmuring on in the wilderness until death like the Israelites. So endure patiently family something great is about to birth in you for his glory!!!

 

Jeremiah 1:5
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart

-From Jesus with Love

Jesus says “Console Me”

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I have come to know the Lord in the most intimate way through suffering. The dreaded word many Christians don’t want to hear or go through but very much apart of a believers life. The Lord never said that this world would be perfect full of love, peace  and joy no he actually warned us that we would have trials and tribulation but to take heart because He has already overcome! Were called to be overcomers in a ever increasing dark, angry, deteriorating world. The times were living in our treacherous when many are looking for answer’s, protection, hope and love in  all the wrong places which can only be found in Jesus! He is indeed coming back very soon!

John 16:33
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

There is a mystery in suffering, that our God suffers with us too. Suffering is caused because of sin and  we live in a fallen world. Jesus took the sins of he world upon him on the cross yet still suffers with us and will continue too until the world is restored to righteousness at the end of the age. We serve a God who is very human and many times we forget. As many go about there day business as usual and act as if God is so far away from all that is going on in the world blaming him but, oh how very present he is and near to the brokenhearted. His heart grieves for the many souls who lose their lives, who go through trials, who are hurting and especially the ones who don’t know him. His heart grieves for the many who still blaspheme his name, who reject him, mock him, who love wickedness and hate truth. He hears the cries of all in this fallen world and when one tear drops those are his tears he cries through them, therefore not one tear hits the ground unnoticed by Jesus. How his heart breaks desperately for his children every day and when you lay down your life to suffer with Jesus he will let you in on whats on his heart.  Now more than ever Jesus desires consolement, yes our God desires to be comforted by his creation, by his children, by none other than his bride. Which is a sweet consolation to his wounded heart. Will you console Jesus in this hour?

With great suffering comes great intimacy, trust and understanding

Jesus what’s on your heart? 

“These are turbulent times my beloved, turbulent times. I am hurting and suffering with the world. Many of my children are doing things for me but, very few are WITH me. I desire to be with my bride in this hour don’t wander off in doing things for me my beloved but, stay close to me. Console me, my beloved console me. Heal the wounded heart of your king, your Lord with worship, with your time and with you praise. Your prayers are a sweet incense that draws me out of the pain of this dying world into the chambers of my bride’s heart where I am strengthen and comforted by your response to my call. Console me my beloved console me. Many desire to pitch their tents on the mountain of prosperity but, so very few….very few will pitch their tents in the Garden of Gethsemane with me. Where my heart resides still making intercession for souls to come to me. Will you suffer with me my bride? Will you drink the cup of bitterness as I did and still tasting until all is return to me? Will you pitch your tent in Gethsemane? I am lonely my beloved, I long for my brides affection, her attention to detach from all the distractions and business of this world and be with me. Will you watch and pray? Console me, my beloved Console me.”

Your suffering King and Bridegroom-Jesus

 

 

 

Ask “Jesus Do It Through Me”

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This week I found myself at my sisters house with my computer out of commission so unable to do blogs, youtube video and any usual online ministry for the Lord. I had so much time on my hands I wasn’t sure what to do. I knew the Lord wanted me to be about his bushiness as he has instructed me time and time again that my time is now His time. Its a grace given to us all and we will all be held accountable by how we used HIS time for ourselves or for his kingdom.  So lately I have been feeling a nudge to work more on my creative gifts. During the times the Lord had me evangelizing I desired so much to work on music, art, dance etc and even prayed in my heart the Lord would give me more opportunites to work on that. So I was reminded this week when I had all this time that he had answered my prayer, so instead of complaining I should get to work lol

So two nights ago I saw my nephews sketch book and coloring pencils as I thought to myself maybe I should draw. The Lord has given me some beautiful imagery in my alone time to explain things to me and so badly wanted to put them on paper to share it with other but began to think…Lord how, I have no skill in drawing. It seemed like a large task however I remember from Still Small Voice Youtube Ministry the Lord has been teaching us how to trust him with our creative gifts. How we should bank on our inability to do anything and rely on his grace to do everything he put it on our hearts to do. All we have to ask is “Jesus do this through me”. So I took the Holy Spirit up on that offer, sat down with a heavy sigh and said, “Holy Spirit draw through me”. The Lord gave me the word and a picture on my mind and I googled some images and began to trace with my eye the idea I had been given. Within an hour 1/2 I looked back upon the work and was utterly amazed at what Jesus had done! For not having any skill in drawing He did this through me by his grace. I thought to myself if you can do this imagine what else  you can do through me, and I bet Jesus was like you have no idea LOL. I honestly had no idea this gift was inside me and I am now so excited to draw more images with Jesus touch others and encourages others to do the same. Below is a prophetic message from the Lord about us using and relying on him for our gifts. I believe it will encourage you greatly

Prophetic Message From Jesus about our gifts (SSV Ministry):

“My precious Vessels unto Honor, I can do with you anything I want to. If you don’t have the DNA to do it, I will transplant My DNA into your very physical being and you will have the talent necessary. I ask for only two things: a pure love for Me and a willing heart of faith. With these voluntary attributes from you, I can do anything – and much to everyone’s surprise, I often do! You are not limited by past failures and boundaries you could never cross. As a matter of fact, you may not have been able to cross them, because I didn’t feel you were ready – and the gift could have been your undoing.

“Music is an especially treacherous in a gift, because people begin to worship the artist and it can go to their heads very quickly. For this reason, there is much tempering and seasoning and in fact difficult events in the past of my musicians. They must carry the anointing to bring you all into My presence. This is a priestly duty, and not all live a pure and priestly life. That is why you are seeing older musicians raised up. They have lived through the fancies and vanities of the world and have come into a place of realization: only I am important. “I wanted Clare to share this with you so you could understand that you are perfectly fit for any assignment I impart to you. Your skill level is not needed; your heart and surrender are. In fact, I place My desires in your heart.

So I would ask you to look inside and recognize your longings. I have placed them there for a reason. As you discover what lies beneath that throbbing heart, you can bring it to Me to turn it into reality. “I am waiting for some of you to discover yourselves and what I have for you. Seek Me until you find Me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Even as it is written, “Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you.”

“Remember, to bring you joy and fulfillment is truly My delight.”-Jesus

So has he Lord put a dream in your heart to paint, dance, sing, produce, create in anyway for him? Do you feel you don’t have the talent, skill, your not qualified or that its not good enough or the worst lie that many others are doing it , so your not needed. LIES, LIES, LIES. Do you know how unique you are, there is no one like you and the Lord wants to use your vessel which is unique in personality and ways to minister to somebody only YOU can reach. So my friend so what are you waiting for? Those dreams are not yours but, its His dreams embedded in your heart waiting for you to step on faith and rely on his grace and ask  “Jesus do it through me”…..you will be utterly amazed and in awe at what he does!!

-From Jesus With Love

Kenya Mission Trip, Nothing I Expected But Everything I Needed!

 

 

 

 

 

REPENTANCE
“I am going to convict you of your motives this coming week. I am
going to expose attitudes and habits that have hindered you and
prevented you from becoming who you truly are in Me. Some things
may come as a shock to you, when you see why you really do what you
do.
“But this is for your own good. This is to remove more spots from
your wedding gown. This is to bring you to repentance. And if any
think more highly of themselves than they do of others, well, you will
discover just how lowly you are. This is a good thing. For truly I lift up
the humble but decrease the stature of the proud.” – (Rhema Book by Clare Du Bois)

Welp, that sums up my trip pretty much LOL. Truly the Lord sent me all the way to Kenya to do a work in my heart, to think I was going to minister to people but, He used this trip to minister to me. So with that said my Kenya Mission trip was not what I expected and everything I needed. It truly superseded my expectations because it was God’s expectation and his perfect plan and will the whole time!

If I would’ve been honest with myself going to Kenya I had many expectation because the Lord had indeed redirected my attention to this mission trip when it was the last thing on my mind. I had been given a dream from him about 6 months ago where I was in Kenya putting on an event and sharing the gospel with the local village ladies. So I knew sometime in the near future I would be going to Kenya just not now. So upon leaving for the next 10 days I thought I was going to Kenya to make a divine connection in order to put this future event together among many expectations of seeing the blind eyes open, captives set free, miracles, signs and wonders! LOL Oh how I am still learning what true ministry is, just every day loving and serving people.

So I found myself stepping unto Kenyan soil and it felt like home for me. I knew this is exactly where the Lord wants me to be at that very moment. We had gone with the main itinerary  to assist and serve for a 4 days Pastors Conference held at CMM. Whereby over 400 pastors from Kenya and Uganda come to be refreshed, renewed, & equipped for their ministries. Once arriving I realized a life of a missionary isn’t always exciting or followed with signs, wonders and miracles but, I found God’s delight in the lowliest of thing. In sweeping, cleaning, serving, washing dishes, praying for people and just merely serving that brought God glory.

The Negative Motive & Attitudes in My heart the Lord showed me through out the week I had to repent for:

    1. Resisting submission to authority
    2. Seeking approval and affirmation from man
    3. Complaining & ungratefulness
    4. Self- righteous attitudes
    5. Pride
    6. Discontentment
    7. Result based motives
    8. Selfish desires
    9. Critical/ judgmental thoughts

Therefore you can see why the Lord began to reveal these issues in m y heart, its so true the saying the Lord heals in layers. Many of these attitudes I thought I was free from but he showed me how I was resisting authority in my heart as everything I felt the Lord telling me to do was shut down as a precaution being a different country, how I was still seeking mans approval to affirm Gods call upon me and being turned down felt like rejection, how I than began to complain instead of being grateful for the opportunity to serve, how quickly it turned to pride/self righteous/ attitude thinking highly of myself, which led to selfish desires of wanting to be used by God in a “big” way, then eventually turning into critical and judgmental thoughts towards others….sheeesh Did I ever tell you how much of a hotmess I am lol but, its okay because as the Lord once said to me ” I am HIS hotmess” haha and how He loves me just the same. What a merciful, gracious and patience God we serve. So if the Lord can still use me, train me, and love me as I am that what makes you think he cant do that for you my friend! I love Jesus

The week before I left for Kenya the Lord gave me two Rhemas the first was to “seek the lowliest place in everything” and the second was “To be servant of all and least of all”. That is exactly what I learned on this trip that a leader is only as good as how they follow and indeed the lowliest place is the best place to be. It means to seek positions, service in places no one else wants to do or go. To also exalt others and their ministries above your own. I found myself immediately praying for my team members, seeing their virtue and value in the group. I began to have so much joy in serving, helping, cleaning and doing whatever I was asked to do. There was sooo much that happened in Kenya that it couldn’t fit in one post, that’s what Youtube is for 🙂 but, the greatest of it all is that the Lord did a work in my heart and that of all my team member’s in the most amazing way. He removed our mask, revealed our hearts to each other than unified us. To serve people, intercede for Kenya and to sow seeds of his love wherever we went!

THE BEST KENYA MISSION TEAM EVER!!
R-L top to bottom
Samuel, Ben, Pastor Aaron, Alex
Daisy, Lesley, Monica, Melissa, Rachel
ME(Nana) Cindy, Kelly, Rebecca, Jenny

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-From Jesus With Love

 

 

 

 

 

Trials That Lead Us To Trust

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These past few weeks had been some rough trials mostly just in my heart. For a moment I found myself taking my eyes off of Jesus yet again and looking at the waves and storms. Which caused me to anguish, fear and then just doubt in all that God had spoken to me. Before me I saw many deadlines, but I am reminded before Him , He sees a timeline where his purpose supersedes my deadlines and becomes a testimony!

I fund myself having my unemployment end in 2 weeks, my mission trip funding having to be paid in full at the end of this month, and my lease being up next month. I began to seek God about direction and what he wanted me to do. After many days of no clear answer I began to get anxious again as I began to entertain other peoples opinions as to what they think I should do because I took my eyes off of Jesus and all that he promised me. However, finally the Lord spoke to me about a job he wants me to apply for and I did Monday but now just waiting again lol  You know just this morning I was thanking the Lord that he answered a prayer of mine. I remember the day I was released from my job I spent about 3 hours of the most sweetest time with him. I said in my heart “That I wish I waste working so I could spend all day with Jesus” and he gave me exactly what I asked for lol However, now with only 2 weeks left of income I am savoring each day  thanking him for giving me such an amazing opportunity to get to know him more. That’s what He spoke to me “the reason he had me lose my job so I could know him more”

Then furthermore to my mission trip I am now at 66% percent  with funding 100 percent from donors since I am not working right now. I am just amazed at Gods faithfulness thus far that I had no plan or no intention of going because once again I was looking at my circumstances that the God of the impossible that I serve. I found out about the trip the day of the deadline for submission with no funds to put the deposit however, he had a friend of mine call me and pay it all. He truly is faithful so I believe it is his will he will provide. One think I told him is that He has to come through because if not it will make him look bad lol So I am now sitting back and expecting to be in awe of Him!

Psalm 25: 3
No one who trust in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.

Lastly with my lease being up for renewal not sure whether he wants me to stay here or not just waiting on Him to get clarity on that. In the meantime I realize how everyone one of these trials and the many in between have drawn me closer to Jesus. He did mention the word for this year would be ‘child-like Trust” oh how that has been so true. He has been reminding me a child who is buckled in their booster seat in their parents car doesn’t question where their going, how long it takes to get there, doesn’t even really prepare for the trip because the parents have that all covered. They just sit back and enjoy the ride as the parents take care of ever direction maneuver, detour, filling up gas, travel expenses, clothing and food for this trip. So that’s what Jesus does when we to surrender our wills to him completely as little children trusting our Heavenly Father will and has already taken car of every need in this adventure called Life as we just have to sit back and enjoy the ride with its road bumps, curves, detours and all. Trials will always lead to trust if you allow God to have his way and believe in his promises despite what you see or experience. As I know anxiously wait with great expectation for His timeline to supersede my deadlines and turn into an amazing testimony!

“With great suffering comes great intimacy. Closeness, Tenderness and Understanding”- Jesus

-From Jesus with Love ❤

 

 

 

 

Will You Say Yes?

 

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Yesterday I got to witness first hand how real the spiritual battle for a territory, for a soul and for a life. As a young man whom I got the opportunity to lead into a prayer of salvation immediately after was pursued by an armed robber and shot right before my eyes…….will you say “yes” to what God is calling you to, where He is calling you and yes despite the opposition, your fears and uncomfortably?

Isaiah 6:8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

I had got a vision a month prior where I was sharing the gospel accross the street with a crowd of young man but I thought that was going to be far off in the near future….I should know by now when Jesus shows me something He desires for me to be obdeint and act on that lol  So two weeks ago I found myself with no car, virus on my computer and still no job having absoultely nothing to do wondering what is going on Lord. Then Jesus spoke to me about my desire for missions and that he needed me to be obedient that accross the street was my mission feild and I do have a job working for Him and beiing about his business. Sharing the Gospel and his love to everyone in that area.. The neighborhood I live in is fairly nice however, I live next to a convenint store an noticed alot of males would linger there and at the carwash.  I noticed from time to time I would get approached if I wanted to buy weed and knew the presence of God was needed there.

However on Wednesday I was feeling discouraged because since evangelizing no one had given their lives to Jesus, but many received prayer. Furthermore, there had been of a lot of unusual opposition. One of owners of the car wash told me to leave his property and stop talking to everyone, another mother cussed her children out for praying with me saying they knew Jesus already, another couple in a car was fist fighting whiles driving passed, like I said unusual but I realize now it was high level warfare. So toward the end of the day I stand at the front of the convenient store asking anyone for prayer. When a young man came up to me and asked if I had a rubber band for a wand of money he had I told him I had something better, Jesus. He looked completely broken with a lot on his mind. He began to state his whole life story of how he had ran after money, drug dealing and had it all and was completely empty. That he was tired,  and he was on the run from a lifestyle he wanted to leave behind. He said he never had a father and his mother always chased after man so never knew love, He is now at a point where he is not afraid to die and he knew that was a bad place.  He proceeded stat he didn’t know How God could love him or forgive him if his own parents left him and he couldn’t forgive himself . I shared Gods love, the Gospel and he broke down in tears giving his life to the Lord right then and there.  He said he felt so relieved and had never cried before like that and wanted to stay in contact, that today he would throw the drugs and his guns away. We exchange info as I told him about connecting him with other believers . So I left headed for my apt but I turned around one last time to wave and say goodbye when a young man came up to him seeing a slight scuffle as the man asked for money… then heard a gunshot. I was dumbfounded the young man who just gave his life to the Lord got shot. the shooter ran off but my new found friend was shot in the leg as I ran to help him.

Soon The ambulance came and so did the cops….They caught the shooter and the young man was rushed to the hospital. Two things could’ve have happen after witnessing this. I could’ve coward in fear thinking its to dangerous to evangelize or too traumatized to continue to reach out to others across the street but Gods grace it way to sufficient for me! lol I knew the enemy was so mad and I may not being seeing the results but God indeed is doing something over there.  I believe that prayer protected that young man from death and what the enemy intended. So at that very moment I knew why God had said that was my mission field, why it was necessary for me to be there, to preserve and not cower in fear and why most importantly why this young man had to give his life to the Lord…the enemy was waiting, but God had and always is ahead of him…. I travailed in tears and in prayer last night for not only this area but for the young man of our generation who the enemy is sifting like wheat left and right. Praying asking the Lord to send more labors to get more “Christians” “ministers” “pastors” out of the church buildings and pulpits into the neighborhood and go OUT into the community to grab our brothers snatch them from the destruction they are headed too. I could’ve done two things after witnessing this cower in fear and ….Jesus answered my prayer.. last night as I went out again today meeting a pastor and a son who were in the process negotiating for space to begin a church!! So I ask you, if you are a christian…will you say YES thats all the Lord is looking for someone who will say YES and Go to your next door neighbor,  across the street, to your job, at the grocery store? As a believer you are a missionary a pilgrim here on this earth passing through called to make Jesus known wherever you go. WILL YOU SAY YES?!

Matthew 11:12
And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.

My Valentines Letter To Jesus….My Marriage Vows

letter

I know valentines day has passed but wanted to share a sweet moment that I had that day. 3 years ago began my covenant relationship with Jesus I didn’t know what true love was until I surrendered my desire to be loved to him. Since then he has captured my heart, my body, my mind and soul. Truly the God that we serve is so gentle, so tender, so loving, so gracious, so good, so funny, so faithful, and so steadfast. He indeed has become my everything. You see before surrendering to the Lord I didn’t know you could be this intimate with him, I thought he was just a distant God who watched over us, answered prayer and got upset if we did something wrong but that is so far from the truth lol. The saddest part is many people see Jesus this way because they have allowed Man, religion….and I hate to say it the Church, Christians and even pastors to show them who God is rather than looking at Jesus life to be a true reflection of the heart and nature of the one true God!

Exodus 34:1, 4-10
“A God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love

So all of this in my heart prompted me to share my relationship with two other young ladies who then decided to give themselves wholeheartedly to Jesus in a covenant relationship on Valentines day. We had our church young adults ministry and we held a short but sweet wedding ceremony. Where three of my friends bought purity rings and vowed to keep themselves for Jesus until their marriage. It was so awesome. We all had vows we wrote to Jesus and had witnesses to hold us accountable. I am now excited to do this journey with my friends and many others who are now beginning to desire intimacy with God and take their walk with Jesus seriously! These are photos of my friends below…as the Beyoncé song goes “If you like what you see put a ring on it”…well Jesus did lol!celibacy

So here go my marriage vows to the King of My heart Jesus after 3 long years of marriage lol:
 Jesus, we have been through so much together. The first two years was the most difficult I had many thoughts of doubt and even divorce at moments but, your relentless patience, love, gentleness, and faithfulness held me together. You continue to make me feel like I am the only woman in all the world that you love. You have made me stronger, better, you have encouraged me to get out of my comfort zone. You have been my anchor, my rock, and my protector when fear has set in. You have never left my side when many times I have wandered. You have never lusted for another when many times my eyes and my heart has wandered. You are indeed made just for me and I just for you. You have taught me the love and beauty in submission and seeking your wisdom in every decision as my life partner. You have comforted me in the most darkest moments. You held me together when no one else could. My tears are liquid words that you only can read and understand. You have gone before me in all things and as my rear and front guard you have hedged me finely. You are indeed the true lover of my soul. You have shown me love that surpasses anything of this world. Your presence is something I cherish may I never take it for granted. I consecrate myself to you my love on this day. I give you my body, my heart, my soul, my mind  to be fully yours. I vow to stick this out through thick and thing for all of eternity.  I vow to always make you the first person I talk to in the morning and the last at night. I vow to be your help mate, laying down my life to help you build your kingdom. To cover your mission and purpose in prayer. I vow to defend, stand up and be unashamed of you and who you are to me. I vow to share you with others because this is the only marriage you have graced to be and “open marriage”. I vow to take care of our children and family. Jesus I love you take this strong-willed, hotmess of a girl to be your bride!

Isaiah 62:5
As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.

As a believer living in this time we have the most beautiful grace to know Jesus even more intimately because we are his “Bride” that goes for you to guys 🙂 . The Church is the bride of Christ but since were individual members and our bodies are his temple we too are individual are his bride. In my season of singleness I have come to know and love Jesus as my hubby before my physical hubby comes! lol He has taught me submission, trusting in him, consecrating my body to him alone, seeking him for wisdom before I make any major decisions, helping me be a good steward of my time so we have time for each other, going on dates with him and including him in every aspect of my life. Jesus has truly been preparing me for marriage and teaching me what it means to be an Ephesians 5 Wife, A Titus 2 and A Proverbs 31 woman. You don’t have to wait start or grow in these attributes ladies when you get a husband start now with the Lover of your soul, Jesus!. Marriage is suppose to be a reflection of your relationship with Jesus anyway! Its been amazing and He is the Perfect Husband lol

-From Jesus with Love ❤

In The Waiting….

waiting

If I can be honest this week has been a little rough, well a lot of rough. Started to have those anxious feelings rise up again. Asking the Lord when Lord when, what’s next, what should I do, when will things change, where is the breakthrough, am I in your will or have I missed it? All of these thoughts and much more bombarded me this week. I had to remind myself, “Nana you have been here before. You know better than to entertain these thoughts. Don’t go down this black winding pit the enemy has set up for you”. There is a difference in being called and waiting to be sent as our pastor put it lol. When the Lord calls you and you answer that call. You then have to go through the process of waiting until you are sent out for ministry. So I find myself waiting again. It feels like my whole walk with the Lord has been just that…waiting. Having to trust in Gods timing whiles fighting against discouragement, moving ahead of God, listening to what others say, comparing myself to my peers and my flesh.

Psalm 27:14
Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.

In the Waiting….God is working behind the scenes!

Waiting a lot of times doesn’t look like your accomplishing anything because in actually most of the time that’s when God is accomplishing hidden things on your behalf. I had to remind myself this week and I am pretty sure for the rest of my life in different seasons lol. I found myself excited for the new year, breakthroughs and the promises of God to finally materialize. I just knew that direction would come immediately, I should’ve known better lol. I found myself with finances running so low, still unemployed no direction for employment, then my phone got slammed in my car door after purchasing a new phone a week prior. I was unable to see the screen make calls or answer messages. Then my car door wouldn’t open with my ignition and no money for locksmith hmmm. So have been stuck in the house all this week….so I thought to myself more suffering Lord uuugh!!  Immediately  wanting to throw a pity party..okay I did for like 2 days lol I was reminded of what the Lord had spoken to me before “Abandon yourself to my will, or you will become bitter and full of anxiety”. I thought of course Lord your right you have taught me to give thanks in everything and trust that you plan out my day. So instead of fighting this and allowing the enemy to get a foothold. I saw this as an opportunity to give thanks instead. One I will miss this season where I had hours to spend time with Jesus. So that’s what I felt the Lord wanted me to spend more time with him and in prayer.

Luke 10:41
Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

In the Waiting….The best thing to do is to sit at Gods feet

The reason I was anxious because I found myself wanting to do something, to be busy about the Lords business rather than be at home not working and nothing to show for it. At least what I thought but the Lord reminded me with this scripture. That as bad as I want to be “doing something” the best thing of all is to be in his presence and sit at his feet. That’s where my roots would become deep in Him, that’s where he lays the foundation of what he wants to do through me. That’s where he heals me of wounds, binds up my injures and cleans out my heart of any displeasing things. That’s where I learn to look like him, act like him and become him. That is indeed what we need most to be still at his feet as long as we can before we can do any “work” for Jesus.

Isaiah 40:31
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

In The Waiting….Keep doing what your doing

I have also learned that waiting in the eyes of God is not only sitting still and waiting on him but actively waiting. Being obedient whiles waiting, worshiping whiles waiting, being patience and serving whiles waiting. That was a lyric from a song the Holy Spirt has been playing during my alone time. Which is so true, that’s a prophetic word I got two weeks ago. Which I was just reminded of when these feelings and attack came my way. I began to think that I wasn’t in Gods will or I need to do something different. However, we just need to continue serving, listening and living for him steadily until he makes things clear and he says now go, this is the way walk in it. One step of obedience at a time will lead you into your purpose. Reading the scriptures I was reminded Jesus was prepared 30 years for 3 years of ministry, Moses waited 40 Years,  Joseph waited 13 years. Jesus please don’t let me wait that long LOL but, I know if it is the will of God waiting is always best because that’s when preparation takes place. The longer the preparation, the more equipped and the bigger the impact.

So Lord help me us to give thanks in the waiting. Help us to trust and know that you are working amazing things behind the scenes Jesus. Help us not to compare ourselves to others or even listen to others opinion about where we should or shouldn’t be. Give us the grace to patience and actively wait on you for its not our life anymore but yours in Jesus name!

-From Jesus with Love

Nana