Many Are Being Hit With Assignments of Hopelessness

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Romans 5:5

And HOPE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT US, because God has poured out His love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.

It was in during April when the Lord shared with me “that this summer would be difficult a test of faith and the enemy would do all that he can to make me feel hopeless because everything would come against the words he was speaking to me…everything”. Sure enough that has been so true, I don’t think I have been test and tried like I have this summer. However, I am continuously reminded when the Lord speaks to me about things concerning attacks and assignments against me many times its a corporate assignment against the body of Christ.

As I began to respond to comments through social media I started noticing that many other believers where feeling the same type of oppression. Many were battling with feelings of depression, hopelessness and even more so this month as it is Suicide prevention month, spirits of suicide have been released on the body of Christ as well. Forwarned is to be forearmed you know. The Lord has many of us fiery trials and battles that have seemed so long and arduous to truly test our character and our faith that many of us have gone weary. In the weariness the enemy comes at the most vulnerable moment to release thoughts, lies, images, and impressions of hopelessness. Saying “nothing will every change”, “you don’t really believe what the Lord said do you”, “Look your still in the same predicament, give up”, “go back to the old you”, ” Don’t wait on the Lord, YOU do something about it”, ” Are you sure Jesus said…look what is going on” and so much more but we must’n give into the lies! ( now just so you know I am talking to myself here too lol)

I realize before the arrow of hopelessness hit us, we open the door to doubt. Doubting Gods promises, doubting his faithfulness and doubting his goodness. When we began to doubt, the the demon of unbelief enter, the demon of impatience which is accompanied with the demon of anxiety, discouragement, depression and hopelessness. They have a field day in the minds and hearts of those who began to doubt Gods word and ways.  Once we get into that mindset we no longer see the value or have faith in praying and seeking the Lord. We find ourselves easily drawn away to other comforts to distract us which can easily pull us so far away we lose our desire for Gods presence all together. So how can we combat this onslaught?

Antidote: Strong praise and worship in the midst of your storm

I am here to encourage you to RISE UP! Now is the time for FERCIOUS FOCUS OF FAITH like never before! Cast down those vain imaginations, thoughts, and feelings began to declare the Lords promises, what he says about you and your situation not what your seeing or feeling. We must go back to the altars of faith. Everyone has them, think of moments in your life where God has answered prayers, when he made provision for you and of his faithfulness. Just as David did we must remind ourselves first of who God is and what he had done in the past remembring that He never changes! He is the same God today, yesterday and forever and if he was faithful before he will be faithful again. I had to go back in my journal and see how God had been leading my life the many things I wrote down not expecting him to answer and realizing many of the answered prayers I am walking in now! This too shall pass, like all the other trials and battles. Upon writing this blog this quote popped on my instagram so timely from my favorite Saint

“The Longer the trial to which God subjects you. The greater the goodness in comforting you during the time of trial and in the exaltation after the combat”
-St. Padre Pio

I am learning that during the test of our faith our hope must never lie on the circumstances changes, not on the people involved, in what is being said, in what is being done to you or what is not being done to you, and definitely not how we feel. our HOPE must be in Jesus Christ alone. We must hope in our Lords character which is good, loving, faithful, and just. Knowing that if he is allowing whatever your going through he will work it out for your good, bringing beauty out of ashes and its because he loves you that he has called you to endure and he is just, that is why he is allowing this to form you and He is faithful to bring all his promises to you to past. So lets us continue to have our hope be in Jesus alone as we cling to the cross in this season of our lives and honestly in every season. As we wait patiently by his grace for him to restore all that has been lost and to refine his beautiful masterpieces into the most beautiful tapestry called our lives for HIS glory!

Say”Jesus I trust you, Jesus I trust you, Jesus I trust you”

Psalm 27:14
Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.

 

 

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How The Lord Delivered Me From A “Religious Spirit” Because of Delayed Obedience


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                        “OBEDIENCE IS YOUR PROTECTION”
-Jesus

 

If I can be very honest, I had a sense of fear and shame over take me for moments in wanting to share this testimony and writing this blog. My walk compared to other counterparts have always lets just say different lol. Many things have been said, about my walk as the Lord would always encourage me to press in and not to worry. So I always relied on him being the last word despite the scorn and contempt I faced. So when I found out that I had been oppressed by this spirit as others have thought in the past shame wanted to over take me not to share but I remembered this testimony is for the glory of God! Not only that the heaviness I endured I would never want anyone to go through that.  Through this fiery trial I  have learned a valuable lesson in obedience as children we have heard one way or the other by our parents “delayed obedience is disobedience”. Man isn’t that the truth and I have come to understand the fear of the Lord. So the lord delivered me so that this may bring deliverance to someone else! SO I SCREAM FROM THE ROOFTOP THAT WHO THE SON SETS FREE IS FREE INDEED!

During Lent this is the first time I have observed it seriously. It was a wonderful time of me doing the Lords Supper day and night with the Lord.  However, difficult as the Lord began to really do a work in my heart bringing hidden sins to the light as he was desiring to purify my heart. I had been ordained by this ministry a few month back and I began to notice the Lord was truly stripping me more and more of things of the world. He eventually began to lead me in putting a lot of ministry work and stay at his feet instead. I would come before him every morning to hear from him as he desired for me to journal our conversations and his instructions for the day. Then he called us to fasting and intercession for our nation offering whatever sacrifices we desired with our prayers. So one of the sacrifices he asked of me was my showers (okay now back story before your thinking waaa). In order to take a shower I would have too go to  friends house and I felt he wanted me to offer this too him as cross to bare for a day or two so gladly I obliged. Then in our of our conversations he desired that he wanted to teach me about obedience and discernment.  Then later on I found out the Lord was calling me to a vocation of prayer and solitude for  season at a prayer community which I struggled with so it was making sense. These things he was asking me to deny because he was slowly pulling me out of the world and into  lifestyle of prayer/solitude. This community is in the mountains and many times there may be moments we have take bucket baths so I found out about all this after the fact therefore confirming why the Lord was asking of these things.

So there are many things I use for discernment one of the things the Lord has taught me to use was a book called the “Bible promises” its all scriptures with different titles and he Lord would lead me from there. Each title meant something for me as the Holy Spirit wanted me to seek him in my decisions throughout the day so I would know his will. At first it was amazing, he really directed me through each scriptures when I would be doing ministry work online, even helped to discern what was going on spiritually with others when I would answer questions.  However, about two weeks ago a “false Jesus” slipped in and I found myself feeling so condemned many times with being called repentance, and my sins always before me and being called to a very very strict “Obedience”. I found myself becoming jealous of others and their walk with the Lord because they seemed to have so much freedom but it seems the Lord demanded so much from me. Now I reconciled this was the Lord at first because as I mentioned my walk had somewhat been that way with him. There were many things that others could do but Jesus would always ask me gently to deny and I did so out of love for him willingly. However, this time around I began to fear then love him or this strict compliance with denying myself. I found myself not feeling the freedom to go outside to take a walk, answer my phone, doing work online because as I would seek him with the scriptures he would give me “lust” and “obedience”.  It seems my sweet gentle Jesus seemed so far from me. Everywhere I reached in the span of the two weeks when this began I found when I opened the bible judgment, patiently endure, and to offer this affliction as a cross.  I was finding no relief from this anguish.  I am apart of this intercessory group but I see now out of pride and fear I didn’t open up to tell anyone because to be honest I think I didn’t want to be wrong about this. I kept thinking I am seeking you everyday you wouldn’t steer me wrong right?

Luke 11:28
He replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”

 

There were two points of breakthrough as I began to wake up I found myself drained, full of anxiety, fearful in ever decision and just waking up to go to sleep. I no longer enjoyed the Lords supper because I would feel worse about myself when I would leave his presence. Everything began to be a source of condemnation even worship, I would hear songs and the lyrics would began to make me wonder if I was in his will at that moment. My head felt so tight, I had such heaviness on my back, my mind was confused and I was weary. Then I felt I was asked again to fast  which I began to do however when I asked to be released from these sacrifices, like taking a shower and eating as I sought him using the scriptures in my Bible promise I would get “Lust”. I was utterly despondent but, I wanted to be obedient so I obliged but so unhappily. My family and friends something was up at this point and I find out now many had been praying for me through this. So I lied in my bed as a song began to play by “Grace Williams your anointing”.  I kept thinking as the songs began to play ” Break those chains of bondage those heavy chains…you are free, you are free. stretch out your hands receive your freedom right now”. As I did that I felt like liquid being poured on my head and the release from my head.  I than sought the Lord if I could eat at this point and I got scriptures on “Gods love”” so I knew that was  yes! I rushed to go eat thinking wait what am I in bondage too could this be  lying spirit…no it couldn’t?! (pride again)  I then sought the Lord again and he gave me this word in one of my rhemas and said ” Ask for the grace of discerning of spirits as the scriptures says you cannot trust every spirit”. I was dumbfounded I couldn’t believe that I could be deceived this way. Oh how humbling it was at this point I hadn’t reached out to any of my members of my intercessor group as to what what’s going on so immediately I did.

As I opened up telling me superior everything and what I was hearing as she confirmed those things seemed extreme and maybe the Lord was telling me to come right away to this prayer community then waiting but still I wanted to hear from the Lord myself. There was so much confusion about this decision whether to wait or go right away(pride again)

You see  the Lord had called me to this prayer community about 2 weeks prior giving me the scripture
“Do not be afraid,” Jesus said to Simon, “from now on you will catch men.” And when they had brought their boats ashore, they left everything and followed him.

However I had fought with this call because I didn’t know the Lord was leading me and finally when I come to accept it I wanted more time for him to tell me when to leave…..(hence now I see in the scripture above the they left immediately to follow Jesus so I should’ve known) My spiritual mother felt that I was suppose to come right away but I was still struggling with surrendering to this call and I remember getting a rhema from the Lord that said  “Obedience is like a knight clothed in a full suit of stout armor, with his sword on a strong and spirited horse. Riding into battle, he surely has the advantage over his foes. Whereas, Disobedience is like a knight with no helmet, no armor and no sword, seated on a sorry nag of a horse. He will surely be unseated, dislodged and taken captive.””. So here I found myself two weeks in torment thinking that the Holy Spirit wanted me to be obedient to every tedious decision I did daily in the house and not go outside, not eat while offering it all to the Lord as I am waiting. Which of course was not him but I had become that friar who sulkily obeyed by saying yes but dragging in obedience to Gods call to leave which allowed the enemy to slip in..wow. But the Lord showed his great mercy towards me and heard the cry of my heart two days. When I woke up again 2 days after having the breakthrough but still so oppressed and heavy. I woke up with the song playing in my head then I felt liquid being poured on my head again.  I thought to myself hmmm Holy Spirit what was that about as I got up from the bed I walked to my computer to began work and I found my anointing oil which had been lost for months lying right by my chair (not coincidence). So I thought of the song and I anointed my hands and head just then my spiritual mother called again as she had sought the Lord on my behalf in he midst of all my confusion. As we both sought holy spirit finding out that my discernment was way off and of course it was not Holy Spirit, she then asked the Lord if I am meant to leave everything and come right now. Holy Spirit gave her scriptures on “joy” and “success”. I was in shock but so grateful for this break through at that moment. I felt a peace I couldn’t explain and my whole body was so warm with his presence. I got on my knees in tears thinking the Lord for his great mercy towards me for clarity and deliverance at that very moment the oppression lifted immediately! I literally ran outside lol and me and the “real Jesus” took a walk. As I have taken this walking routine so many times I noticed things I hadn’t before I believe the Lord wanted me to see. The first was  rose bush blooming so beautiful and I felt the Lord telling me that I will bloom beautifully and then I saw a bush I pass everyday when I would walk with the kids but as I looked closely it had fruit on there! It was an apricot tree and I felt he was confirming that as I leave I would bare fruit. So the Lord has set me free from what kept me bound, the love of the world, the love of my family, my own wisdom and my need to know when I don’t understand.  I see how now the importance of immediate obedience is may he give me the grace to “get up, leave everything and follow him if he ask me again. So no longer in the waiting…this is a new season and chapter in my life as I dive into the unknown with Jesus and in freedom to be all that he has called me to be!….So please be obedient immediately to whatever the Lord is asking or calling you too you wont regret it!

Praise to God for His Salvation and Providence!

Praise is awaiting You, O God, in Zion; 
Psalm 65
And to You the [a]vow shall be performed.
2 O You who hear prayer,
To You all flesh will come.
3 Iniquities prevail against me;
As for our transgressions,
You will provide atonement for them.

4 Blessed is the man You choose,
And cause to approach You,
That he may dwell in Your courts.
We shall be satisfied with the goodness of Your house,
Of Your holy temple.

5 By awesome deeds in righteousness You will answer us,
O God of our salvation,
You who are the confidence of all the ends of the earth,
And of the far-off seas;
6 Who established the mountains by His strength,
Being clothed with power;
7 You who still the noise of the seas,
The noise of their waves,
And the tumult of the peoples.
8 They also who dwell in the farthest parts are afraid of Your signs;
You make the outgoings of the morning and evening [b]rejoice.

9 You [c]visit the earth and water it,
You greatly enrich it;
The river of God is full of water;
You provide their grain,
For so You have prepared it.
10 You water its ridges abundantly,
You settle its furrows;
You make it soft with showers,
You bless its growth.

11 You crown the year with Your goodness,
And Your paths drip with abundance.
12 They drop on the pastures of the wilderness,
And the little hills rejoice on every side.
13 The pastures are clothed with flocks;
The valleys also are covered with grain;
They shout for joy, they also sing.

-From Jesus with love

The Sin of Job…”Woe is Me”

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This the first time I have given myself over in Lent truly allow the Lord to do surgery upon my heart and have his way in me. As it is a time of purification as the Lord draws you nearer to produce holiness.  He mentioned it would be challenging and how it has been to say the least. As he been showing me many hidden sins within myself that have been a hindrance to what he has called me to and to holiness. He has allowed many test and trials which I seemed to fail right after the other because of the same vices. I began to get frustrated, discouraged and found myself in self pity as I was thinking but Lord I have done all you have asked, I have done this..and that and this…and holy spirit continued to give reading in Job during my time of communion. As I finally realized he was pointing out one major hidden sin which was the sin of Job, the “woe is me sin”. The sin of Self Righteousness and Self Pity.

Job 32:2-4

So these three men stopped answering Job, because he was righteous in his own eyes. But Elihu son of Barakel the Buzite, of the family of Ram, became very angry with Job for justifying himself rather than God. He was also angry with the three friends, because they had found no way to refute Job, and yet had condemned him. 

If I can be honest many times I have heard of the story of job and read the last chapter but not the entire book and I never quite understood why his friends were reprimanded by God or understood why Job was severely chastised by the Lord. It was God who told Satan that he was righteous Job 2:6-22. However, as you see in Job 31, Job goes on to tell his friends all the sin’s had not committed to be worthy of this suffering he was going thru. Which sounded just like me when the Lord would reveal another hidden sin I would go on this rant within my heart regrading all the the sins I hadn’t done because it was utterly despondent  to find myself falling into sin everyday. Until, the Holy Spirit began to show me it is my Self righteousness that causes me to go into self pity when the Lord allows more suffering or reveals sin because there is nothing I can do within myself to ever be clean before him. It is Christ righteousness that makes me clean and therefore whatever he allows I deserve because he took the worst punishment which was death. Which I never have to taste because of what Christ has done.

I was humbled to say the least and really began to see the depravity of my immense pride that still lingered now in self righteousness and contending with the Lord by going into self pity when he allowed these ever fiery trials as I deserved his consolation or relief. He has been truly teaching me what it means to be a “living sacrifice” and to be yielded in “Total Surrender” which means to be a wounded prisoner of his love. Suffering with Christ and as Job finally stated “if he slay me, yet I will praise him” (Job 13:15). I believe the Lord is looking for us all as believers to come to that place of maturity that though he slays our flesh yet we will praise him! For many of us we are not willing to suffer or even surrender in suffering because we murmur, complain, get discouraged and worse go in self pity thinking we don’t deserve what the Lord is allow which will lead us all into self righteousness.

 

However, the Lord is faith and even though he is sovereign and he has divine providence over each our lives with whatever he allows which is always right and just. He is a good good Father as he has been reminding me in this season of Lent. That although this process of purification is painful and challenging he promises to restore. Always that nothing we sacrifice or endure is without merit in due time if we don’t give up. He is faithful to restore, establish and strengthen us. Just as Job, whose later days were far more glorious, joyful, fulfilling and fruitful more than the former. So my friend lets continue to endure and say yes to Jesus to whatever he ask of us, whatever he takes from us, and whatever failures we face. We say yes to you Jesus, we thank you for your righteousness that you clothe me us with and  give us he grace to rejoice in our suffering in Jesus name!

-From Jesus with Love

 

Job 31

What Can I Expect from God?

31 1-4 “I made a solemn pact with myself
    never to undress a girl with my eyes.
So what can I expect from God?
    What do I deserve from God Almighty above?
Isn’t calamity reserved for the wicked?
    Isn’t disaster supposed to strike those who do wrong?
Isn’t God looking, observing how I live?
    Doesn’t he mark every step I take?

5-8 “Have I walked hand in hand with falsehood,
    or hung out in the company of deceit?
Weigh me on a set of honest scales
    so God has proof of my integrity.
If I’ve strayed off the straight and narrow,
    wanted things I had no right to,
    messed around with sin,
Go ahead, then—
    give my portion to someone who deserves it.

9-12 “If I’ve let myself be seduced by a woman
    and conspired to go to bed with her,
Fine, my wife has every right to go ahead
    and sleep with anyone she wants to.
For disgusting behavior like that,
    I’d deserve the worst punishment you could hand out.
Adultery is a fire that burns the house down;
    I wouldn’t expect anything I count dear to survive it.

13-15 “Have I ever been unfair to my employees
    when they brought a complaint to me?
What, then, will I do when God confronts me?
    When God examines my books, what can I say?
Didn’t the same God who made me, make them?
    Aren’t we all made of the same stuff, equals before God?

16-18 “Have I ignored the needs of the poor,
    turned my back on the indigent,
Taken care of my own needs and fed my own face
    while they languished?
Wasn’t my home always open to them?
    Weren’t they always welcome at my table?

19-20 “Have I ever left a poor family shivering in the cold
    when they had no warm clothes?
Didn’t the poor bless me when they saw me coming,
    knowing I’d brought coats from my closet?

21-23 “If I’ve ever used my strength and influence
    to take advantage of the unfortunate,
Go ahead, break both my arms,
    cut off all my fingers!
The fear of God has kept me from these things—
    how else could I ever face him?

If Only Someone Would Give Me a Hearing!

24-28 “Did I set my heart on making big money
    or worship at the bank?
Did I boast about my wealth,
    show off because I was well-off?
Was I ever so awed by the sun’s brilliance
    and moved by the moon’s beauty
That I let myself become seduced by them
    and worshiped them on the sly?
If so, I would deserve the worst of punishments,
    for I would be betraying God himself.

29-30 “Did I ever crow over my enemy’s ruin?
    Or gloat over my rival’s bad luck?
No, I never said a word of detraction,
    never cursed them, even under my breath.

31-34 “Didn’t those who worked for me say,
    ‘He fed us well. There were always second helpings’?
And no stranger ever had to spend a night in the street;
    my doors were always open to travelers.
Did I hide my sin the way Adam did,
    or conceal my guilt behind closed doors
Because I was afraid what people would say,
    fearing the gossip of the neighbors so much
That I turned myself into a recluse?
    You know good and well that I didn’t.

35-37 “Oh, if only someone would give me a hearing!
    I’ve signed my name to my defense—let the
        Almighty One answer!
    I want to see my indictment in writing.
Anyone’s welcome to read my defense;
    I’ll write it on a poster and carry it around town.
I’m prepared to account for every move I’ve ever made—
    to anyone and everyone, prince or pauper.

38-40 “If the very ground that I farm accuses me,
    if even the furrows fill with tears from my abuse,
If I’ve ever raped the earth for my own profit
    or dispossessed its rightful owners,
Then curse it with thistles instead of wheat,
    curse it with weeds instead of barley.”

The words of Job to his three friends were finished.

 

 

“I AM Shaped By Every Word HE says”

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The song ” I AM NO VICTIM’ from Bethel by Kristene DiMarco has been ringing through my head today even this morning when I got up. I knew it had to be the Holy Spirit and indeed it was for the words are so simple yet, so powerful. In this season,the battle and the fiery trials have been ferocious  as I have  been facing many challenges and things that have tested my faith like never before. Many times I have fallen, many, many times but, in Gods mercy he has picked me back up with his chords of loving kindness. Giving me the grace and courage to forge ahead. I didn’t realize that I was beginning to allow the trials to shape me rather than allowing the fire to refine me and Gods words to shape me. You see the Lord would warn me about fiery trials ahead so I would be prepared and be victorious in my response. However, I would find myself full of fear and anxiety. You see the Lord puts us through fiery trials to refine to clean up everything impure with in us.

Zechariah 13:9
The Lord highlighted this word to me today that I released in 2016. I am feeling this word very strongly for many right now. Be encouraged!

How many times I have prayed that specific prayer. Lord burn everything in me that is not of you, consume me with the fire of your love but when I found myself in the fire I would easily become discouraged and allowing what I was going through to shape me rather then Gods fire to refine me.  So that is where I have found myself utterly downcast, wounded, easily offended, sensitive to remarks against me, feeling rejected and alone.  When the Lord reminds me  in a rehma

”  Do not fear the reproach of man nor be terrified by their insults rather pray for them  for they are scourging me”

Even knowing the enemy will use the closest people around you to shoot his arrows with their words , God uses the closest people to refine you in charity. That when the arrows come you would respond in love and how difficult that has been for me if I may be honest. Through these trials many arrows in my identity have been attacked and I found myself doubting even believing some of them concerning my role in leadership feeling of  not good enough, in friendship going thru betrayals, in relationships feelings of insecurity, in my relationship with Lord feeling judged by others.  I would find myself looking for someone, a loved one I could run too, a confidant who would understand , who would comfort me but found no one….and I should find no one because Jesus is all of these. I found myself running back to him where I should’ve gone too in the first place as he began to impress on my heart..WHO DO I SAY THAT YOU ARE?

Jesus calls me

The anointed one,
His Servant who he has chosen
He has known me before the foundation of the earth
He has redeemed me and I AM his and He is mine
I am his beloved
I bring him delight
I AM beautiful
I share in his promises and have his divine nature
I AM a peacemaker
I AM  a concquery
I AM a gift , a pearl of great price that he has won
I AM  an intercessor
I have the gift of dancing on the devils head with my prayer and intercession
I AM his Warrior Bride
I AM Bold and Courageous like Joshua, a strong leader
The demons HATE that I never give up
I was created to dance in the fire
I AM Fearless and Brave
I AM Jesus’s Hotmess
I Am a laid down lover
I AM a priest
I AM a teacher
I AM a Disciple
I AM loved
I AM Forgiven
I AM not alone
I AM protected
I AM not rejected but accepted
I AM a child, a daughter of the King
I AM  betrothed to the most powerful person in all the universe and he has given me authority
I have Greatness ahead of me
I AM a Holy Saint
I AM NO VICTIM!
He is crazy in love with me with all my weakness
He calls me his own very lowly tool of salvation

…..as the lyrics too Kristene Di Marco songs “I AM NO VICTIM” rings in my head

[Bridge]
I am who He says I am
He is who He says He is
I’m defined by all His promises
Shaped by every word He says
Oh I am who He says I am
He is who He says He is
I’m defined by all His promises
Shaped by every word He says

So who does God say you are? Allow his words to shape and define you. Not the storm, not the trials and definitely not what others say about you. You are not who they say you are but you are who God says you are!

-From Jesus with love

 

 

 

 

 

Swimming In the Ocean Of Gods Mercy

ocean

 

Isaiah 30:18

So the Lord wants to show you kindness. He waits on high to have loving-pity on you. For the Lord is a God of what is right and fair. And god will come to all those who hope in Him

The Lord just gave me this scripture after falling again…(sigh) just right after I got out of prayer with him and gave me scriptures on Obedience. I was telling the Lord man you are humbling me I cant seem to go an hour without a fall Lord . So instead of running from him I ran to him and received Mercy. Oh how kind and sweet our God is indeed if we just run to him.  I have been asking the Lord to humble me and he has indeed doing that where he is really revealing all my hidden sins and struggles which causes me not to even think to judge others or walk in pride because I see how weak I am and indeed of his mercy so that i may give others mercy as well.

Luke 6:36
Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

This past week I have found myself falling in every way and every day in faultfinding, quick tempered, impatient and even gossip under the guise of “lets pray for them” lol You know we have all been there and done that which is an offense before the Lord. You see I prayed for the lord to purify my heart and he has been doing just that where I am able to feel it…yes I feel heat on my back and pain in my body when I have fallen which is a grace and a gift he allows. Which I believe he has given to many of his other brides to keep us spiritually healthy and in check. It causes me to run to him immediately with this wonderful (trying not to be sarcastic here…Lord forgive me) answered pray the Lord has given me. I found myself being taunted by the enemy that it seemed I couldn’t do anything right, I began to feel so down and discouraged almost to the point of hopelessness. However, after having a conversation with a friend she reminded me that it was great the Lord has really called me to purity and I am always willing to confess even the littlest offenses to others which gives her room to d the same but it seems like I dwell there. That I didn’t need to dwell there, yes I had fallen but the Lord had already made a way for all my sins, so confess , repent and move forward. I am not sure why something clicked in that moment and decided I wouldn’t allow the enemy to continue to use my faults against me any longer

 

In prayer the Lord showed me the most beautiful image of me just swimming, more like floating in this beautiful crystal clear pristine VAST ocean as the sun was kissing my face. I was in pure joy and the Holy spirit said ” You are swimming in the ocean of Gods mercy”. Many times the enemy will use our faults against us especially those the Lord has called to intimacy because we so want to please him in everything we do and can be devastated when we sin against him but, the Lord was reminded me of his mercy.

Mercy:

noun
 1.compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.

power to punish or harm.

Somewhere along the way I had taken my eyes of Jesus and so much on my weakness that I have forgotten He always makes a way available for us all and that is his mercy. The Ocean of Gods mercy is endless, never ending, so peaceful, so filled with love and readily available for all those who humble themselves and boldly come before their Fathers throne to receive it. I am definitely in a season of swimming in the Ocean of Gods Mercy as I continue to be tested tried, fall, repent receive mercy to be tested again. If it wasnt for his mercy I am not sure where I would be….well maybe I do lol Jesus is so tender is so patience in the midst of this that I felt him say in my heart yesterday “its okay, tomorrow is another day just try to do better tomorrow” just to fall again….

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What does Jesus have to say….”Beloved, its okay tomorrow is another day try to do better tomorrow walk in obedience to my every word and you will have peace as you continue to swim in the Ocean of my mercy, I love you my dove, oh how I love you. Don’t be discouraged by your weakness but continue to boast in them as you bring them before me so I can strengthen you with more graces”. So if you find yourself struggling with your weaknesses and sin before Lord don’t run away from him but jump, jump, JUMP into the Ocean of his mercy which is readily available for you, He loves you!

-From Jesus with Love

When God Has You Hidden

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Coming back from Kenya I found myself for about  a week drowning in what felt like despair, discouragement, confusion and even depression. I was still at my sisters house with no direction and no clear answer from the Lord as to where to move too. I had felt all these emotions before, I had been down this road and I didn’t want to go there again.

Going to Kenya helped me get my mind off of my current situation. Still staying at my sisters house fighting this fit of patience….waiting….waiting on the Lord to give direction to make sense of it all. Him telling me to move yet finding that way detoured for… a moment. Coming back of that high I was sure he would then finally speak as to what to do next but I felt I was getting was silence. Furthermore, to find out that my sister’s lease is now also up and she too has to be out by the end of this month . I was waking up having no drive, no motivation, no direction and my alone time with the Lord in the morning  was feeling empty. I was being pelted with some many fiery arrows from the enemy that I was a loser, a bum, useless and worse of that this walk with the Lord has caused me to be a “burden” to the family.  LIES, LIES, LIES. I kept getting question like what are you going to do, why dont you just get a job, when are you going to move, when are you getting a car? How could I explain that I now move when the Lord says move, I go where he tells me when he tells me, I work where he wants me to work and I use my money how he tells me…..but He just hasn’t said anything yet.  Who would understand, to be honest I didn’t understand but I am learning that Trust in God has too supersedes my many whys.

Finally the Lord spoke, I had to repent of my bitter attitude, my unbelief, my ungratefulness, my frustration and my selfishness as he has called me to carry MY cross and follow him. Whatever may come trusting him and abandoning myself to his will that His promises are true, He is good and faithful. Jesus asked mewould you continue to follow and trust me despite what your family thinks, despite what people say, despite how you feel and what you see will you trust me”? I said “Yes Lord“. He reminded me to began counting my blessings for all that he had done and how far he has brought me since I surrendered to him and most importantly to be thankful for all that I do have. I felt him telling me that he has me hidden, for his use and that I may not know how he is using this time to build his kingdom but he is. He is using this time to build me in deep quite trust, faith, perseverance , endurance, peace and patience in him for the journey ahead.

I was reminded how many times we get frustrated with the Lord because of waiting, because of detours, roadblocks, and closed doors we feel like we are ready to walk through. How many times we get anxious in waiting on his promises for ministry, for marriage, in our families, in our careers, in our finances, or the work he promised to do in our heart. He has us hidden that’s all, and its a beautiful thing to be hidden by God for His purpose, for his use and for His timing, which is always perfect. In prayer I felt on my heart him say ” Just like you I kept David and Moses hidden. I was kept hidden by My Father for 30 years for only 3 years of public ministry. Premature public ministry could ruin you. In the hiddenness David learned my faithfulness, my strength and my power which caused him to worship me because of who I AM. In the hiddenness Moses learned my heart, my heart for mere sheep and my patience. He truly learned how I leave the 99 for that one. Which made him into a great shepherd for the sheep of Israel. I too had to learn in the hiddenness of my Father. I learned obedience and quite trust in his perfect will. Therefore in Gethsemane I was able to say not my will but yours be done”. So learning to trust the Lord in my hiddenness that He is in fact right here with me as I am learning to abandon myself daily to his will and trust that He has the answers. So when he wants me to know, I will know where to go, when to move, and what to do.

-From Jesus with Love

 

 

 

Drink Deeply Of Me

Ascension

Psalm 16:11

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

 

Journal June 5, 2017

Jesus whats on your heart?
 
“Drink deeply of me, come to the wellspring of my love every morning and take in us
much as as you want and need. Don’t go a day without it. Discouragement is the food of
your enemies don’t eat it. Instead worship me and allow me to sings songs of victory over
you and drink of my love, my grace and my mercy which is never failing, unending,
satisfying and renewing.  If many of my people understood all that happens in my
presence they wouldn’t want to leave. I would no longer become an after thought at the
end of their day or a just a 5 minute prayer in the morning. I would be in fact their
source in everything which I already am but, I give my people free will to choose me or
themselves, choose me or other things which will never satisfy. So my beautiful dove
choose me every morning and drink deeply”
-From Jesus with Love
Isaiah 66: 10-11
“Rejoice with Jerusalem! Be glad with her, all who love her and all you who mourn for her. Drink deeply of her glory even as an infant drinks at its mothers comforting breast”

When Your Roar Turns To A Meow

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There are days you feel like a mighty warrior, ready for battle and not shaken by anything the world, your flesh and the enemy throws at you. Then their are days that seem to be blaaaah. Just feeling indifferent to everything, not feeling as courageous, not feeling as bold and just not feeling as strong. Your once loud roar that was full of life becomes a…… meow lol Thats how it has been for me the past few days just a feeling of apathy & weariness has taken over me but I know these are not the  fruits of the spirit. You see the Lord told me to began writing blogs, creating youtube videos and even starting a prayer meeting at my house several months ago. Which I have been doing for quite a few weeks now however, it can be difficult at times when I am going through a trial if I can be honest I don’t want to lead. I don’t want to do anything really I tell the Lord “Can I just sit back” , “Lord I am tired”. I find myself always feeling the need to be strong for others in the midst of my weakness. To post an encouraging video, to post an encouraging blog uplifting others when I myself feel so down.  It was through reading a dear friend Gigi’s blog and her transparency where I felt the Lord lead me to write this blog to boast about my weakness. Initially I was going to write another blog that roared loudly lol but I felt the Lord say you know in your weakness “I” roar the loudest.
You see I have been told many times how strong I am, or how others see so much strength in me but I am starting to realize more and more that its the Lords grace upon my life. During prayer meeting this week at my job, it was at the end of the meeting and no one had showed up however, I continued  to pray. Then a friend walked in during the last few minutes and asked me how I was doing. The way he said it was with deep sincerely as if he knew what was going on in the inside of me. I paused for a second and said fine changing the subject and he said “your really strong”. In that moment was a little surprised and told him he had no idea what I was feeling like in the inside. I was just fighting to be strong maybe if I acted strong that I would began to feel strong because I am learning “I am not how I feel”  Alot of times negative emotions or feelings can come from our own flesh however majority of the times its from  enemy  to throw us off into discouragement, be despondent and not be able then to minister to anyone because your focused on yourself. I know these feelings to well. The enemy roars LIKE a lion to steal our joy, kill our dreams and destroy our destinies…but he is not a lion

1 Peter 5:8
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

So I have been having to tell myself to rise up using the word of God to anchor me. To not be moved by my emotions or how I feel but press forward with faith in all that God asked me to do because  our enemy will never stop so we cant either.  Most importantly to call upon the Lord because there is  no way I can do this walk, this call, these assignments without his help and strength. He in fact is the source of  my strength I was reminded that when my roar turns into a meows He is there roaring FOR me every time and the times I do roar He is roaring WITH me. He never stops, He is the  only LION, The Lion of The Tribe of Judah, The Lamb of God, My King, My love  Jesus Christ! Greater is in me that is in the world and I am more than a conquer in Christ Jesus!. He is the only one with the roar that causes our enemies to scatter, in our various weakness he roars on our behalf every time. Thats why we should boast in our weakness because then His strength flows through us all that the more.

 2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

So Lord I come before you saying I am fickle, feeble minded, tired and weak of heart. Strengthen me oh Lord for the times ahead and give me wisdom to discern good from evil so I can judge correctly those who you have called me to lead. I ask you for the grace to finish my race with faith, perseverance and endurance. I ask that the Passion of Christ strengthen every area in my heart, mind, body, soul, and spirit so I can be a true witness for you and minister to others to bring them into your kingdom. Deliver me from evil Lord and fill me with your joy overflowing. I love you Lord.