Is Jesus Truly Enough……Is He Really?

pouting

We hear this “Christianize” phrase often if that’s what you want to call it but, its a pretty solid question. Most believers say it, we declare it in songs…”Jesus your all we need”, “Less of me more of you”, “Christ is enough for me”. Now lets be honest how many of us actually believe that and live by that? Well that’s exactly what the Lord has been teaching me this week or should I say challenging me with that question. Asking ” Nana am I truly enough for you”? Hmmm I  love this picture honestly I imagine that’s how I look like with Jesus about half the time, Lord help me lol.

I’m so gratefully that He is so patience, tender and gentle with me even when I pout when his will doesn’t match up with my desires. You see this past week I found myself falling into anxiousness again bewildered about what the Lord was and is doing in my life.  He finally spoke to me about a job He wanted me to apply for. Finally, I thought after 6 months of unemployment with it ending today I just knew that I would apply and would get a quick response, interview and of course the job. But, no I haven’t heard anything back from them, hence the anxious thoughts began then follows the doubt. I found myself looking at my situation and being discouraged this morning. I started thinking about my lack of provision, what I was going to do, with No job, no car and if I can be honest no husband lol. Yes, I started thinking about all of it like Lord when, Lord when. I realized I had based my joy and all my emotions based on my circumstances and what I didn’t or did have rather than Jesus. How often as believers do we do that, yet we say Jesus your are enough.

 If you find completion, contentment or joy in anythings else than Jesus, He then is in fact not enough

I had the most amazing experience a few days prior where i felt power and electricity shoot through my whole body. The feeling was so amazing it took my breath away literally, then immediately after breathing in I felt like a gush of warmth, felt like Gods love and goodness wash over me. It was enough to make me melt lol Seriously, I felt as if Jesus had held his breath and blew on me, it was soooo wonderful and in that very moment. I knew why David said this one thing I inquire of and seek is to dwell in the presence of the Lord for all the days of my life. For David, Jesus became enough! He had all of Israel , all the riches  and as many concubines he could have but for King David that wasn’t enough all he wanted was Gods presence. In that very moment I realized that’s all I wanted, that’s all we were created to desire is Gods presence. I found myself in my prayer closet thinking If I had a husband in my bed, children running around, a nice vehicle outside, my dream job and amazing ministry that would honestly be NOTHING compared to Gods presence. Most importantly it would mean NOTHING without Jesus. At that very moment I didn’t care for anything else in the world but my sweet Jesus and to be in his presence for all the days of my life. I just wanted more of him and to know him more that’s it.

John 17:13
I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them.

However, night I went to bed anxious, I felt the anxiety on my back and neck. I even had a horrible restless night. I woke up feeling discouraged, tired and weary and during my alone time this morning I felt Jesus speaking to me tenderly “Nana I am here” ,”Nana I am right here” I could feel his presence so strongly.  Reminding me again, am I enough for you Nana because I am right here with you. Concentrate on my sweet presence with you in every moment and let everything else go” I began to realize how easy it is to forget Jesus’s presence, to forget that he is literally with us, living with us, walking with us doing life with us. How it hurts him when we confess that he is enough yet we walk discouragement or even discontentment when we don’t get what we want and at the time we want it. When we want more things, more love, more validation, more , more. When we have the living God walking with us abounding in his love and grace to us all yet He is not enough. So is Jesus truly enough, Are we willing to abandon ourselves to his will, whatever that may look like? I had to ask myself If that job never came, or vehicle, or family would he be enough…..and He would. We have been studying John in our bible study group and reading this passage touched my heart. A beautiful prayer Jesus prayed for all believers when he was here still in the world. He  asked the father that we may have the full measure of HIS joy within us. Isn’t that amazing and that its available to us all. So that was my prayer this morning and for you if you can relate to this blog:

Jesus forgive me for putting selfish desires, selfish ambitions and things before you. Forgive me for finding contentment based on my circumstances rather than what was done for me by your sacrifice on the cross. I pray Lord that I would abandon myself to your perfect will, that I would become nothing and you would become everything in me and through me. Humble me Lord, I  pray that I would lay die my life and worldly passions. Deliver me from the opinions of others . I pray that I would have the full measure of your Joy Jesus within me and I would find contentment and joy in you alone. May the one thing I seek and inquire of is to dwell in your presence for all the days of my life. May you be enough for Jesus name. Amen!

 

 

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Contending With Contenment: Blaaah!

400-girl-dragging-her-feet

 

 

Last week I had my quarterly review with my manager about my performance here at the job. Funny, just now I was going to type that I could so see Jesus sitting in that meeting room at the large round table, right next to my manager probable glaring at me as she sat across from me but the Holy spirit rephrased that and said no He was sitting right next to you instead. I thought to myself of course Nana, duh  Jesus always has my back lol. I walked away from that meeting with this scripture ringing in my ears :

Colossians 3:24
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

If I may be honest these past few weeks have been difficult. I have felt anxious and discontent at my job even though I know the Lord hasn’t told me to move yet or leave it. I just found myself praying for motivation to get up in the morning and go. You see, my manager is a believer and during the first quarter review she mentioned to me how I am so excited about Jesus and telling everyone about him which is great but my work also needs to reflect that excitement. That my passion and faith in Christ should touch every area of my life because if she was a non believer that could turn her off, your always preaching Jesus but slacking at your job. That I shouldn’t see her as my boss the Lord he gave me this job so I should do it well.  I was like WOW….I knew it wasn’t here speaking that was so the Lord lol. Then all week I kept getting the bible verse Colossians 3:44 in devotionals, bible verses of the day, finally I was like okay Lord I hear help me.

However its been 3 long months and I started getting anxious again. At work to pass time I listen to youtube, I have listened to so many sermons, worship music, play list etc. So I found myself asking the Lord why am I here, oh how I wish I could just do a job serving you, doing something I love, better yet ship me off to some country I wouldn’t mind to work for you, , I am not married, no  major responsibilities, I mean what am I waiting for Blaaah! Didn’t you say in your word:

1 Corinthians 7:34
An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.

Sooooo Lord come on! lol So at least I thought all in my mind however as I was driving to work that day unbeknown to me that. I would have my review. I felt the Lord speak to my heart that the problem is not what your doing but your discontent. I felt him say if I gave you a husband now would it make your life better….I thought for a moment to myself hmmm waking up with my hubby next to me still going to this job?…no I wouldn’t. Then he said if I gave you an opportunity to go into missions in a different country and you had been there for 2 years doing the same thing everyday would you be happy?….hmmm no might get bored, If I had you go into fulltime ministry working with people not seeing any breakthrough would you be happy….I thought to myself well may…b… okay no I wouldn’t Lord. So I felt the Holy Spirit say the issue is not what your doing its your heart. I can give your hearts desire but if your heart and perspective is not yielded to me you will get bored easily, burned out, or doing it for the wrong reasons then that’s when you become ungrateful, discontent and unhappy and you miss the opportunities before you everyday.

I recalled the conversation we had on the way to work after leaving the meeting with my manager thinking that is so true. Its is my heart Lord because it shouldn’t matter what I do if I do it as unto you then I will always find joy in it because I love you and desire to please you. If I allow myself to find joy in anything else I can make an idol of my experienced, or even emotions and unfortunately finding my identity in what I do. So I told the Lord, fine give me your perspective and change my heart. If I can be honest at work I am usually coming in almost late by the skin of my teeth because I took a longer time in the prayer closet …smh lol then I get to work, check  my Facebook for messages. Check my youtube channel respond to messages, find a good play list or what I am going to listen too by the time that’s done an hour can be gone. Then I work, in and out taking breaks a little because tired of staring at the computer which then has in turn got me looking pretty bad in front of my boss hence reflecting on my reviews. Honestly, I recall one time I was falling asleep and in the corner of my eye I saw and all white garment standing next to my cubicle then I jolted up and looked around and of course no one. In all seriousness, I believe it was really Jesus getting my attention to wake up! (LOL) Lord help me  standing there in his all white garment

So I am sucking up my pouty lip and doing my job and all things unto the Lord by his grace. I realize my job is a great place to serve, there’s people there and wherever their are people Jesus is there too lol. Secondly, no more social media activity only after I get done with my productivity 100%. Last but which is first is that now I have placed in my heart the Lord is my boss. So I am going to leave on time, in practice to become a vessel of excellence not just when I am doing the so called ” Lords work” but doing my 9-5 job which is the ” Lord work” because sometimes we can get so stuck on our future asking the Lord when Lord, when. When the Lord is actually in the now and everything we do daily is a stepping stone to get closer to the purpose he has for us and the work he is doing in us!