When You Mess Up, Don’t Run From Him But Too Him

Jesus hugs man

I found myself this weekend kind of avoiding my alone time with the Lord as my heart and mind were swarming with thoughts of discouragement, frustration, weariness, discontent, and confusion. For the past couple of days I have been having difficulty in hearing from the Lord clearly and I would seek him for a rhema word  yet not really understand what he was directing me to do. I was getting words from him about “Laziness” twice in a row (eeeh I hate getting that besides sin and pride, makes me cringe) The rhema book provided scriptures on slothfulness so anytime the Holy Spirit gives me laziness it definitively not a good thing. He then also gave me rhemas about specifically being given priceless gifts from heaven and I need to use them or on that day before the Lord I will have many sorrows. So I felt the Holy Spirit telling me  I am being passive or lazy about work, ministry work to be exact. Not utilizing my gifts for the kingdom with the time he has given me. The confusion came because I am not working at this time which I strongly believe was a commission from the Lord to trust him to open the door to the place he wants me at and not just any job.  Then he gave me another rhema of “Submitting to Authority” I began to see how serious he was thinking what have I missed because I have been patiently waiting for 8 months, so getting this word twice threw me in a spat of confusion. Which of course opened the door to the enemies oppression.

James 4:7
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

I began to entertain lies from the enemy and get in my flesh. I found myself complaining and honestly being frustrated with the Lord ( I know) but, I was. It has been difficult this season being back home believing it was God’s will. Babysitting watching my nieces pretty mush the whole half of the day whiles my sister works. Then trying to squeeze ministry work in late at night even staying up way into the AM just to get things done. So as I began to resist the Lords admonishments I opened my heart to receive all the arrows of the enemy saying ” I missed God”, “whats the point”, “everything I am doing is in vain anyway” “what I am doing is not good enough”, “He was the one who told you to come here so how can he expect you to be focused in this environment”. Yes I began to entertain all these thoughts and lies, as I did I began to run to food for comfort as well in the midst of my fast, just feeling like throwing in the towel to give up already. Thoughts of overwhelming sadness, my heart hurting, disappointment grief, and condemnation came over me. So I knew I had to rush into prayer to repent, ask the Lord to clean my heart but I had been avoiding this the whole day. I knew Jesus doesn’t condemn but, I kept thinking oh how I bet he will be disappointment and I deserve this oppression and to be honest I just didn’t feel like praying .

(SIDE NOTE: SPIRITUAL WARFARE 101 Whenever in your walk with the Lord you don’t feel like praying that’s when you NEED TO PRAY all that the more!)

However, when I finally stop fighting my flesh and got into prayer so I can pour my heart out before the Lord in tears. I saw a picture impression upon my heart, of course it wasnt a mad God who had his finger pointing at me saying “how could you”, I am mad at you, or even disappointment. No, I saw Jesus with the sweetest smile just waiting and before I could say or do anything I felt him say “Come hear” and he held me ever so tightly so close to his heart as my head was under his chin. All I could do was began to cry and cry. After a few of him holding me I wanted to let go and look him in the face and he wouldn’t let me as if to say. Its okay, just rest hear don’t be so quick to do anything but just stay right here and He held me even more tightly with the greatest compassion and love. I was like Jesus I don’t deserve this, and he said your right you don’t but its my mercy and love for you, that will never change. We had the sweetest communion and of course the Holy Spirit picked the best songs about falling short, stumbling into sin and the last to not give up!

I realized in prayer that I had been walking in a posture of entitlement before the Lord which the root is all pride. That in giving my whole life to the Lord and upon walking in obedience in the midst of this suffering I deserved some things and If they were not coming I had every right to be frustrated. I couldn’t believe how nasty my heart was, wow that I felt entitled. I felt the holy spirit tell me “We don’t deserve his goodness or his judgment”. Wow, we don’t deserve neither, when the Lord saves us, transforms us and even reveals himself to us its all by his mercy. We don’t deserve any of that and when we walk in condemnation, guilt or shame and we believe or the enemy tells us we deserve consequences that’s a lie because we don’t deserve that either. Jesus took upon the cross all of these things so we can walk free freedom as a son or daughter of God without condemnation. How many Christians feel that way in their hearts sometimes and both thoughts make us run away from God rather than too him. The beautiful thing is what we are entitled too as Christians is Free grace, mercy, love, compassion, and companionship because of the sacrifice and blood of our sweet Jesus! SO RUN TO HIM NOT FROM HIM, YOU ARE FORGIVEN!

-From Jesus with Love

 

 

 

 

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Jesus says “Console Me”

PicMonkey Collage

I have come to know the Lord in the most intimate way through suffering. The dreaded word many Christians don’t want to hear or go through but very much apart of a believers life. The Lord never said that this world would be perfect full of love, peace  and joy no he actually warned us that we would have trials and tribulation but to take heart because He has already overcome! Were called to be overcomers in a ever increasing dark, angry, deteriorating world. The times were living in our treacherous when many are looking for answer’s, protection, hope and love in  all the wrong places which can only be found in Jesus! He is indeed coming back very soon!

John 16:33
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

There is a mystery in suffering, that our God suffers with us too. Suffering is caused because of sin and  we live in a fallen world. Jesus took the sins of he world upon him on the cross yet still suffers with us and will continue too until the world is restored to righteousness at the end of the age. We serve a God who is very human and many times we forget. As many go about there day business as usual and act as if God is so far away from all that is going on in the world blaming him but, oh how very present he is and near to the brokenhearted. His heart grieves for the many souls who lose their lives, who go through trials, who are hurting and especially the ones who don’t know him. His heart grieves for the many who still blaspheme his name, who reject him, mock him, who love wickedness and hate truth. He hears the cries of all in this fallen world and when one tear drops those are his tears he cries through them, therefore not one tear hits the ground unnoticed by Jesus. How his heart breaks desperately for his children every day and when you lay down your life to suffer with Jesus he will let you in on whats on his heart.  Now more than ever Jesus desires consolement, yes our God desires to be comforted by his creation, by his children, by none other than his bride. Which is a sweet consolation to his wounded heart. Will you console Jesus in this hour?

With great suffering comes great intimacy, trust and understanding

Jesus what’s on your heart? 

“These are turbulent times my beloved, turbulent times. I am hurting and suffering with the world. Many of my children are doing things for me but, very few are WITH me. I desire to be with my bride in this hour don’t wander off in doing things for me my beloved but, stay close to me. Console me, my beloved console me. Heal the wounded heart of your king, your Lord with worship, with your time and with you praise. Your prayers are a sweet incense that draws me out of the pain of this dying world into the chambers of my bride’s heart where I am strengthen and comforted by your response to my call. Console me my beloved console me. Many desire to pitch their tents on the mountain of prosperity but, so very few….very few will pitch their tents in the Garden of Gethsemane with me. Where my heart resides still making intercession for souls to come to me. Will you suffer with me my bride? Will you drink the cup of bitterness as I did and still tasting until all is return to me? Will you pitch your tent in Gethsemane? I am lonely my beloved, I long for my brides affection, her attention to detach from all the distractions and business of this world and be with me. Will you watch and pray? Console me, my beloved Console me.”

Your suffering King and Bridegroom-Jesus