How The Lord Delivered Me From A “Religious Spirit” Because of Delayed Obedience


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                        “OBEDIENCE IS YOUR PROTECTION”
-Jesus

 

If I can be very honest, I had a sense of fear and shame over take me for moments in wanting to share this testimony and writing this blog. My walk compared to other counterparts have always lets just say different lol. Many things have been said, about my walk as the Lord would always encourage me to press in and not to worry. So I always relied on him being the last word despite the scorn and contempt I faced. So when I found out that I had been oppressed by this spirit as others have thought in the past shame wanted to over take me not to share but I remembered this testimony is for the glory of God! Not only that the heaviness I endured I would never want anyone to go through that.  Through this fiery trial I  have learned a valuable lesson in obedience as children we have heard one way or the other by our parents “delayed obedience is disobedience”. Man isn’t that the truth and I have come to understand the fear of the Lord. So the lord delivered me so that this may bring deliverance to someone else! SO I SCREAM FROM THE ROOFTOP THAT WHO THE SON SETS FREE IS FREE INDEED!

During Lent this is the first time I have observed it seriously. It was a wonderful time of me doing the Lords Supper day and night with the Lord.  However, difficult as the Lord began to really do a work in my heart bringing hidden sins to the light as he was desiring to purify my heart. I had been ordained by this ministry a few month back and I began to notice the Lord was truly stripping me more and more of things of the world. He eventually began to lead me in putting a lot of ministry work and stay at his feet instead. I would come before him every morning to hear from him as he desired for me to journal our conversations and his instructions for the day. Then he called us to fasting and intercession for our nation offering whatever sacrifices we desired with our prayers. So one of the sacrifices he asked of me was my showers (okay now back story before your thinking waaa). In order to take a shower I would have too go to  friends house and I felt he wanted me to offer this too him as cross to bare for a day or two so gladly I obliged. Then in our of our conversations he desired that he wanted to teach me about obedience and discernment.  Then later on I found out the Lord was calling me to a vocation of prayer and solitude for  season at a prayer community which I struggled with so it was making sense. These things he was asking me to deny because he was slowly pulling me out of the world and into  lifestyle of prayer/solitude. This community is in the mountains and many times there may be moments we have take bucket baths so I found out about all this after the fact therefore confirming why the Lord was asking of these things.

So there are many things I use for discernment one of the things the Lord has taught me to use was a book called the “Bible promises” its all scriptures with different titles and he Lord would lead me from there. Each title meant something for me as the Holy Spirit wanted me to seek him in my decisions throughout the day so I would know his will. At first it was amazing, he really directed me through each scriptures when I would be doing ministry work online, even helped to discern what was going on spiritually with others when I would answer questions.  However, about two weeks ago a “false Jesus” slipped in and I found myself feeling so condemned many times with being called repentance, and my sins always before me and being called to a very very strict “Obedience”. I found myself becoming jealous of others and their walk with the Lord because they seemed to have so much freedom but it seems the Lord demanded so much from me. Now I reconciled this was the Lord at first because as I mentioned my walk had somewhat been that way with him. There were many things that others could do but Jesus would always ask me gently to deny and I did so out of love for him willingly. However, this time around I began to fear then love him or this strict compliance with denying myself. I found myself not feeling the freedom to go outside to take a walk, answer my phone, doing work online because as I would seek him with the scriptures he would give me “lust” and “obedience”.  It seems my sweet gentle Jesus seemed so far from me. Everywhere I reached in the span of the two weeks when this began I found when I opened the bible judgment, patiently endure, and to offer this affliction as a cross.  I was finding no relief from this anguish.  I am apart of this intercessory group but I see now out of pride and fear I didn’t open up to tell anyone because to be honest I think I didn’t want to be wrong about this. I kept thinking I am seeking you everyday you wouldn’t steer me wrong right?

Luke 11:28
He replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”

 

There were two points of breakthrough as I began to wake up I found myself drained, full of anxiety, fearful in ever decision and just waking up to go to sleep. I no longer enjoyed the Lords supper because I would feel worse about myself when I would leave his presence. Everything began to be a source of condemnation even worship, I would hear songs and the lyrics would began to make me wonder if I was in his will at that moment. My head felt so tight, I had such heaviness on my back, my mind was confused and I was weary. Then I felt I was asked again to fast  which I began to do however when I asked to be released from these sacrifices, like taking a shower and eating as I sought him using the scriptures in my Bible promise I would get “Lust”. I was utterly despondent but, I wanted to be obedient so I obliged but so unhappily. My family and friends something was up at this point and I find out now many had been praying for me through this. So I lied in my bed as a song began to play by “Grace Williams your anointing”.  I kept thinking as the songs began to play ” Break those chains of bondage those heavy chains…you are free, you are free. stretch out your hands receive your freedom right now”. As I did that I felt like liquid being poured on my head and the release from my head.  I than sought the Lord if I could eat at this point and I got scriptures on “Gods love”” so I knew that was  yes! I rushed to go eat thinking wait what am I in bondage too could this be  lying spirit…no it couldn’t?! (pride again)  I then sought the Lord again and he gave me this word in one of my rhemas and said ” Ask for the grace of discerning of spirits as the scriptures says you cannot trust every spirit”. I was dumbfounded I couldn’t believe that I could be deceived this way. Oh how humbling it was at this point I hadn’t reached out to any of my members of my intercessor group as to what what’s going on so immediately I did.

As I opened up telling me superior everything and what I was hearing as she confirmed those things seemed extreme and maybe the Lord was telling me to come right away to this prayer community then waiting but still I wanted to hear from the Lord myself. There was so much confusion about this decision whether to wait or go right away(pride again)

You see  the Lord had called me to this prayer community about 2 weeks prior giving me the scripture
“Do not be afraid,” Jesus said to Simon, “from now on you will catch men.” And when they had brought their boats ashore, they left everything and followed him.

However I had fought with this call because I didn’t know the Lord was leading me and finally when I come to accept it I wanted more time for him to tell me when to leave…..(hence now I see in the scripture above the they left immediately to follow Jesus so I should’ve known) My spiritual mother felt that I was suppose to come right away but I was still struggling with surrendering to this call and I remember getting a rhema from the Lord that said  “Obedience is like a knight clothed in a full suit of stout armor, with his sword on a strong and spirited horse. Riding into battle, he surely has the advantage over his foes. Whereas, Disobedience is like a knight with no helmet, no armor and no sword, seated on a sorry nag of a horse. He will surely be unseated, dislodged and taken captive.””. So here I found myself two weeks in torment thinking that the Holy Spirit wanted me to be obedient to every tedious decision I did daily in the house and not go outside, not eat while offering it all to the Lord as I am waiting. Which of course was not him but I had become that friar who sulkily obeyed by saying yes but dragging in obedience to Gods call to leave which allowed the enemy to slip in..wow. But the Lord showed his great mercy towards me and heard the cry of my heart two days. When I woke up again 2 days after having the breakthrough but still so oppressed and heavy. I woke up with the song playing in my head then I felt liquid being poured on my head again.  I thought to myself hmmm Holy Spirit what was that about as I got up from the bed I walked to my computer to began work and I found my anointing oil which had been lost for months lying right by my chair (not coincidence). So I thought of the song and I anointed my hands and head just then my spiritual mother called again as she had sought the Lord on my behalf in he midst of all my confusion. As we both sought holy spirit finding out that my discernment was way off and of course it was not Holy Spirit, she then asked the Lord if I am meant to leave everything and come right now. Holy Spirit gave her scriptures on “joy” and “success”. I was in shock but so grateful for this break through at that moment. I felt a peace I couldn’t explain and my whole body was so warm with his presence. I got on my knees in tears thinking the Lord for his great mercy towards me for clarity and deliverance at that very moment the oppression lifted immediately! I literally ran outside lol and me and the “real Jesus” took a walk. As I have taken this walking routine so many times I noticed things I hadn’t before I believe the Lord wanted me to see. The first was  rose bush blooming so beautiful and I felt the Lord telling me that I will bloom beautifully and then I saw a bush I pass everyday when I would walk with the kids but as I looked closely it had fruit on there! It was an apricot tree and I felt he was confirming that as I leave I would bare fruit. So the Lord has set me free from what kept me bound, the love of the world, the love of my family, my own wisdom and my need to know when I don’t understand.  I see how now the importance of immediate obedience is may he give me the grace to “get up, leave everything and follow him if he ask me again. So no longer in the waiting…this is a new season and chapter in my life as I dive into the unknown with Jesus and in freedom to be all that he has called me to be!….So please be obedient immediately to whatever the Lord is asking or calling you too you wont regret it!

Praise to God for His Salvation and Providence!

Praise is awaiting You, O God, in Zion; 
Psalm 65
And to You the [a]vow shall be performed.
2 O You who hear prayer,
To You all flesh will come.
3 Iniquities prevail against me;
As for our transgressions,
You will provide atonement for them.

4 Blessed is the man You choose,
And cause to approach You,
That he may dwell in Your courts.
We shall be satisfied with the goodness of Your house,
Of Your holy temple.

5 By awesome deeds in righteousness You will answer us,
O God of our salvation,
You who are the confidence of all the ends of the earth,
And of the far-off seas;
6 Who established the mountains by His strength,
Being clothed with power;
7 You who still the noise of the seas,
The noise of their waves,
And the tumult of the peoples.
8 They also who dwell in the farthest parts are afraid of Your signs;
You make the outgoings of the morning and evening [b]rejoice.

9 You [c]visit the earth and water it,
You greatly enrich it;
The river of God is full of water;
You provide their grain,
For so You have prepared it.
10 You water its ridges abundantly,
You settle its furrows;
You make it soft with showers,
You bless its growth.

11 You crown the year with Your goodness,
And Your paths drip with abundance.
12 They drop on the pastures of the wilderness,
And the little hills rejoice on every side.
13 The pastures are clothed with flocks;
The valleys also are covered with grain;
They shout for joy, they also sing.

-From Jesus with love

The Lesson I Learned From My 4yr Old Neices Tantrum

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It was just last week that my niece threw one of her worst tantrum’s I have yet to see, “NO'”..”no”…”no” to everything. To say the least it was a very long and rough day. Any parent who has a toddler or a young child has experienced this one way or another. I am not a parent yet but, indeed the Lord is training me with these little ones as I watch them all week and do my best to teach them about Jesus in the midst of it all.

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.

So the day was going  fine until I began to give her instruction like picking up after herself, sharing with her sister, and not screaming around.  One little tantrum, turned too two, then three. I found her screaming at the top of her lungs in tears crying because she didn’t want to do what I asked. I really don’t like to spank unless I have too and I found myself withdrawing more and more to anger. I was really didn’t want to spank her but after the third time of her screaming at the top of her lungs “nooo” when I asked to pick up the toys. I spanked her then she just began to scream even more at this point I had to put her in the room for time out as she began to roll around the floor kicking and screaming.
As I was getting her 2 year old sister together to eat again she came crying out of the room and at that point I told her to go back because of her bad behavior. Then she threw herself on the floor again, screaming and crying and crying and screaming. As she got up she went to go and get the diaper bag from the couch and poured all the items out throwing things everywhere. At this point I had ENOUGH and went to give her 2 more spankings in the room as I told her “I loved her but had to spank her because she was misbehaving and had  she had too stay in the room.” As soon as I closed the door she began to scream again, this time I heard things being thrown against the door and the mirror I was in shock. Like perfect timing my mom walked in to take her and her sister home before I could yell or spank her again. I was flabbergasted to say the least and told my mom what she had done and was doing. My mom was so tired and told them just to get their shoes and come. So she came out of the room crying and left with my mom. Which left me fuming inside as I told my other sister what she had done, and how bad she had been. I had so much anger still in my heart towards what had just took place. So in the evening during my communion or I call it the “Lords Supper” I began to feel awful for my attitude towards her in my heart and asked the Lord to forgive me for not being more gentle. Also for holding so much anger towards a little 4 year old lol but, I knew he would grant me his mercy and patience to do it better the next day. You would think that however, I found myself that morning when she came to give me a hug there was a little something lingering in my heart towards her now. It was, could I believe “resentment”. I was holding onto what had happened the day before against her in my heart. I couldn’t believe it and tried to shake it off just as I was feeding them breakfast she spoke up and taught  the biggest lesson on childlike forgiveness.   I found myself being slightly cold towards her than usual then she said “Nasane” I want to say sorry for my attitude yesterday I was just having a bad day”. I was in shock, and felt so humbled as I asked who told you to say that? She then said “I spoke to my mom about it”.” At that point I felt so embarrassed as a grown up, as a suppose “woman of God” that the Lord used this little 4 year old lovely little girl to teach me on childlike forgiveness and letting go. That Christ like forgiveness that doesn’t hold on to the past nor to any memory to harbor resentment.

I then had my sister text me later that day to ask if  Naomi apologized and I mentioned to her she had. My sister went on to say that in the morning she woke up and they talked about. She sent me a text saying “told her to apologize and let you  know that she was having a bad day that’s it lol it but She said” she knows God was watching so she asked for His forgiveness in her room” All I could do was laugh and be humbled at the same time as we both had gone before the Lord repenting of our lack of charity before one another but she was more humble to come and confess her wrong as I held on too resentment of what she had done. Well, the Lord truly has lessons set up for me everyday and the greatest lesson I am learning and continue to learn is through this little precious girls whom I get to love and many many times thinking I am pouring into but they are truly pouring into me as well.  Thank you Jesus
-From Jesus With Love

LOVE IN ACTION
Romans 12:9-10
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

-From Jesus With Love