“Be prepared to fight if you desire to gain the victory. Without fighting you cannot obtain the crown of patience” – (rhema from holy spirit)
That’s the rhema: btw for those that don’t know, a rhema is a holy spirit inspired word from the Lord) the Lord gave me May 10, 2016 after my alone time with him. I just didn’t know how long and how right he would be about this….then again he is God I should know by now lol However, I found myself called to a radical step of faith this month.
So I found myself excited and nervous to take this huge life changing leap of faith to move because the Lord was taking me into new territory. I asked him to please don’t make me like Abraham, packing up my things with no specific location besides “just go and I will show you”…..and that’s exactly what He did lol
With my lease at my apartment being up I just knew the Lord would have me continue to live there. It made sense in my mind being that I had built relationship in my mission field which was across the street with those I was evangelizing too, I also was hosting a small group from my church at my apartment and to top that off I didn’t give a 60 days notice so would have to pay the penalty. However, I have come to know that our limitation are nothing for the Lord. So he began to speak to me to move, yes move into another city in a low income poverty apartments. My first thought was that’s not Jesus lol but, he began to confirm this nudging which I asked him too several times. I questioned it because of my lack of provision, no job, no car as of yet but, then the Lord came through. As he always does with a 401K I had completely forgot about, so the provision was ready. He also confirmed in a dream where I had a going away party, then through a friends random statement lastly, with two other ministers showing up in the same mission field to reach the lost as well. The Lord had told me that I was there to sow for a season and others would reap. He then wanted me to go to another mission field where the field was ripe for harvest. You see when the Lord called me I knew that I wanted to do missions, I loved to travel, I loved other cultures and once the Lord captured my heart I loved people. However the beginning of last year he told me that “America is a great mission field and is about to be the greatest in history”. So I am a missionary hear in America, then again all Christians are 😉
So with 3 days to move out of my apartment the Lord finally speaks to me where I should live. He was specific to the point of mentioning how long I would be there, what I would do and how much I would be paying. I was so elated, ecstatic, nervous all at the same time. I was hearing from everyone some encouraging and some saying this was crazy, how did I know if it was truly the Lord, and it didn’t make sense etc….so I had to fight this fight of faith trusting that my trust in the Lord wouldn’t put me to shame and to obedient to what the Lord told me to do.
No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.
However, I was dumbfounded when the owners of the location I clearly heard from the Lord said no. I felt like I just had a sucker punch to my belly and a loss of breath. I had 1 day to move and no where to go….but back home the very place the Lord told me not to go back too. I went through so many emotions. tears, fear, doubt, shame, bewilderment, frustration and even anger. I wondered Lord how could you have me step out in faith as you kept telling me to trust in you and now I looked like a fool. ….(side note isn’t it funny how the Lord answers our prayers so many times I prayed Lord I am sold out for you I want to be a fool for Christ but now when It happens I am complaining and crying about it).
To be honest I don’t have a full understanding why the Lord allowed this door that he clearly spoke about to be shut but all I can do is trust him. While abandoning myself to His sovereignty and His perfect will for me at this time and throwing myself at the mercy of my Lord. Realizing that I am being tested in obedience, in trust and most importantly dying to myself. Dying to self- Nana that Jesus may live, not being concerned with where I live, what others think, how I feel and most importantly looking a fool for Christ. So I am now staying at my sisters house for the meantime and have moved my things into my mothers house. Realizing that when he gave me this word MY timing said I would have to stop fighting by Tuesday May 23, 2017 because that’s when I had to move but, HIS timing is not my time as I continue to patiently wait fighting this fight of faith to obtain the crown of patience knowing that God Is not slack concerning his promises even when what he says doesn’t turn out like what we envision. TRUST HIM-HE IS FAITHFUL!
-From Jesus with Love