Contending With Contenment: Blaaah!

400-girl-dragging-her-feet

 

 

Last week I had my quarterly review with my manager about my performance here at the job. Funny, just now I was going to type that I could so see Jesus sitting in that meeting room at the large round table, right next to my manager probable glaring at me as she sat across from me but the Holy spirit rephrased that and said no He was sitting right next to you instead. I thought to myself of course Nana, duh  Jesus always has my back lol. I walked away from that meeting with this scripture ringing in my ears :

Colossians 3:24
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

If I may be honest these past few weeks have been difficult. I have felt anxious and discontent at my job even though I know the Lord hasn’t told me to move yet or leave it. I just found myself praying for motivation to get up in the morning and go. You see, my manager is a believer and during the first quarter review she mentioned to me how I am so excited about Jesus and telling everyone about him which is great but my work also needs to reflect that excitement. That my passion and faith in Christ should touch every area of my life because if she was a non believer that could turn her off, your always preaching Jesus but slacking at your job. That I shouldn’t see her as my boss the Lord he gave me this job so I should do it well.  I was like WOW….I knew it wasn’t here speaking that was so the Lord lol. Then all week I kept getting the bible verse Colossians 3:44 in devotionals, bible verses of the day, finally I was like okay Lord I hear help me.

However its been 3 long months and I started getting anxious again. At work to pass time I listen to youtube, I have listened to so many sermons, worship music, play list etc. So I found myself asking the Lord why am I here, oh how I wish I could just do a job serving you, doing something I love, better yet ship me off to some country I wouldn’t mind to work for you, , I am not married, no  major responsibilities, I mean what am I waiting for Blaaah! Didn’t you say in your word:

1 Corinthians 7:34
An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.

Sooooo Lord come on! lol So at least I thought all in my mind however as I was driving to work that day unbeknown to me that. I would have my review. I felt the Lord speak to my heart that the problem is not what your doing but your discontent. I felt him say if I gave you a husband now would it make your life better….I thought for a moment to myself hmmm waking up with my hubby next to me still going to this job?…no I wouldn’t. Then he said if I gave you an opportunity to go into missions in a different country and you had been there for 2 years doing the same thing everyday would you be happy?….hmmm no might get bored, If I had you go into fulltime ministry working with people not seeing any breakthrough would you be happy….I thought to myself well may…b… okay no I wouldn’t Lord. So I felt the Holy Spirit say the issue is not what your doing its your heart. I can give your hearts desire but if your heart and perspective is not yielded to me you will get bored easily, burned out, or doing it for the wrong reasons then that’s when you become ungrateful, discontent and unhappy and you miss the opportunities before you everyday.

I recalled the conversation we had on the way to work after leaving the meeting with my manager thinking that is so true. Its is my heart Lord because it shouldn’t matter what I do if I do it as unto you then I will always find joy in it because I love you and desire to please you. If I allow myself to find joy in anything else I can make an idol of my experienced, or even emotions and unfortunately finding my identity in what I do. So I told the Lord, fine give me your perspective and change my heart. If I can be honest at work I am usually coming in almost late by the skin of my teeth because I took a longer time in the prayer closet …smh lol then I get to work, check  my Facebook for messages. Check my youtube channel respond to messages, find a good play list or what I am going to listen too by the time that’s done an hour can be gone. Then I work, in and out taking breaks a little because tired of staring at the computer which then has in turn got me looking pretty bad in front of my boss hence reflecting on my reviews. Honestly, I recall one time I was falling asleep and in the corner of my eye I saw and all white garment standing next to my cubicle then I jolted up and looked around and of course no one. In all seriousness, I believe it was really Jesus getting my attention to wake up! (LOL) Lord help me  standing there in his all white garment

So I am sucking up my pouty lip and doing my job and all things unto the Lord by his grace. I realize my job is a great place to serve, there’s people there and wherever their are people Jesus is there too lol. Secondly, no more social media activity only after I get done with my productivity 100%. Last but which is first is that now I have placed in my heart the Lord is my boss. So I am going to leave on time, in practice to become a vessel of excellence not just when I am doing the so called ” Lords work” but doing my 9-5 job which is the ” Lord work” because sometimes we can get so stuck on our future asking the Lord when Lord, when. When the Lord is actually in the now and everything we do daily is a stepping stone to get closer to the purpose he has for us and the work he is doing in us!

 

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