Contending With Contenment: Blaaah!

400-girl-dragging-her-feet

 

 

Last week I had my quarterly review with my manager about my performance here at the job. Funny, just now I was going to type that I could so see Jesus sitting in that meeting room at the large round table, right next to my manager probable glaring at me as she sat across from me but the Holy spirit rephrased that and said no He was sitting right next to you instead. I thought to myself of course Nana, duh  Jesus always has my back lol. I walked away from that meeting with this scripture ringing in my ears :

Colossians 3:24
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

If I may be honest these past few weeks have been difficult. I have felt anxious and discontent at my job even though I know the Lord hasn’t told me to move yet or leave it. I just found myself praying for motivation to get up in the morning and go. You see, my manager is a believer and during the first quarter review she mentioned to me how I am so excited about Jesus and telling everyone about him which is great but my work also needs to reflect that excitement. That my passion and faith in Christ should touch every area of my life because if she was a non believer that could turn her off, your always preaching Jesus but slacking at your job. That I shouldn’t see her as my boss the Lord he gave me this job so I should do it well.  I was like WOW….I knew it wasn’t here speaking that was so the Lord lol. Then all week I kept getting the bible verse Colossians 3:44 in devotionals, bible verses of the day, finally I was like okay Lord I hear help me.

However its been 3 long months and I started getting anxious again. At work to pass time I listen to youtube, I have listened to so many sermons, worship music, play list etc. So I found myself asking the Lord why am I here, oh how I wish I could just do a job serving you, doing something I love, better yet ship me off to some country I wouldn’t mind to work for you, , I am not married, no  major responsibilities, I mean what am I waiting for Blaaah! Didn’t you say in your word:

1 Corinthians 7:34
An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.

Sooooo Lord come on! lol So at least I thought all in my mind however as I was driving to work that day unbeknown to me that. I would have my review. I felt the Lord speak to my heart that the problem is not what your doing but your discontent. I felt him say if I gave you a husband now would it make your life better….I thought for a moment to myself hmmm waking up with my hubby next to me still going to this job?…no I wouldn’t. Then he said if I gave you an opportunity to go into missions in a different country and you had been there for 2 years doing the same thing everyday would you be happy?….hmmm no might get bored, If I had you go into fulltime ministry working with people not seeing any breakthrough would you be happy….I thought to myself well may…b… okay no I wouldn’t Lord. So I felt the Holy Spirit say the issue is not what your doing its your heart. I can give your hearts desire but if your heart and perspective is not yielded to me you will get bored easily, burned out, or doing it for the wrong reasons then that’s when you become ungrateful, discontent and unhappy and you miss the opportunities before you everyday.

I recalled the conversation we had on the way to work after leaving the meeting with my manager thinking that is so true. Its is my heart Lord because it shouldn’t matter what I do if I do it as unto you then I will always find joy in it because I love you and desire to please you. If I allow myself to find joy in anything else I can make an idol of my experienced, or even emotions and unfortunately finding my identity in what I do. So I told the Lord, fine give me your perspective and change my heart. If I can be honest at work I am usually coming in almost late by the skin of my teeth because I took a longer time in the prayer closet …smh lol then I get to work, check  my Facebook for messages. Check my youtube channel respond to messages, find a good play list or what I am going to listen too by the time that’s done an hour can be gone. Then I work, in and out taking breaks a little because tired of staring at the computer which then has in turn got me looking pretty bad in front of my boss hence reflecting on my reviews. Honestly, I recall one time I was falling asleep and in the corner of my eye I saw and all white garment standing next to my cubicle then I jolted up and looked around and of course no one. In all seriousness, I believe it was really Jesus getting my attention to wake up! (LOL) Lord help me  standing there in his all white garment

So I am sucking up my pouty lip and doing my job and all things unto the Lord by his grace. I realize my job is a great place to serve, there’s people there and wherever their are people Jesus is there too lol. Secondly, no more social media activity only after I get done with my productivity 100%. Last but which is first is that now I have placed in my heart the Lord is my boss. So I am going to leave on time, in practice to become a vessel of excellence not just when I am doing the so called ” Lords work” but doing my 9-5 job which is the ” Lord work” because sometimes we can get so stuck on our future asking the Lord when Lord, when. When the Lord is actually in the now and everything we do daily is a stepping stone to get closer to the purpose he has for us and the work he is doing in us!

 

Advertisements

God Carries A Picture Of Me In His Wallet!

3248_657418995140_5711101_n

So this term was coined by Pastor Todd White and when I first heard it all I could do was laugh at not only the truth in that statement but, the reality that our God is truly a proud parent of all his children. As believers sometimes it hard to receive Gods love. We here it used so loosely at time. God loves you and we think yea I know but,……..if we really search our hearts we have to ask yourself do you really know how loved you are by God, do you? Because I believe if we really knew how much God loved us we would live not only differently but accordingly. If we can be honest, including myself, sometimes our love for him can be so conditionally and I believe we have been taught that way. As if Gods love is conditional too, that when we go through hard times, death, suffering, trials, poverty, rejection, the list can go on that means God doesn’t love us or your not blessed. However, when we go through blessing, riches, elevation, promotion, and have favor with men that means God loves us. Such a twisted incorrect perspective which is such an injustice to our identity once we are saved. You see Jesus died on the cross because of your sin not for it, he died because your sin caused you to be not only separated from God the Father but from your true identity as his child walking in fellowship and communion with him. So he had to die because of your sin there fore redeeming you back to God the father so that you can now have fellowship and communion with him daily as Adam did. His blood restored your identity back to who you were before Adam sinned. That’s why he continues to call his children justified by the cross, justified by the blood, justified if we confess and believe in his son Jesus. Romans 8:30 Those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified, Justified: Just-as-if- you never sinned! YOU are a son & daughter of the Most High King period. That’s who you are right now, nothing can change that who yearns to have deep intimate relationship with all his children. That’s why God created us for relationship with him, he created us for himself that’s it. Its so simple but it sounds so foolish to those who are perishing

1 Corinthians 1:18
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.

If you let that sink in, it blows your mind. I remember having that revelation of his love and its almost overwhelming. That God created the universe for us but created little ole me for himself. That I am the most precious commodity, I am his masterpiece, I am his favorite prized one, I am everything to him and despite all I have done and will do. His love, his adorations, his gaze, his glory, is focused on me so much so that He has now come to make his home inside of me because he loves me! That can blow anyone’s mind lol  When I first read Psalm 139 and

Psalm 8:4-6
What is man that You are mindful of him and the son of man that You visit him? For You have made him a little lower than the angels and have crowned him with glory and honor

I laughed because I thought to myself David gets it! I love King David because the revelation of Gods love for him and Israel made him even dance in his lossley garments in front of all Israel and he didn’t care one bit. 2 Samuel 6:14 Wearing a lined ephod, David was dancing before the LORD with all his might. You know so many times we walk around condemnation because we messed up but God doesn’t condemn you and never will because you are his child. We walk around in guilt or shame because of our past but when God sees you, he sees you as you never sinned your his child. We walk around victimized, hurt, & rejected by others but, God has never rejected you because of the finished work of Jesus blood you have been accepted as his child. We walk around thinking God is too busy, not really present, hard to reach, not really concerned with the details of our lives but,  you are his child so just as he walked with Adam in the cool of the day he now walks with you every single second, of every single day, wherever you go. He so desperately wants you to be conscious of that because living a life WITH God is so much better than FOR him. As your perspective changes you no longer see yourself as a slave following rules and directions but as a child holding their fathers hand going on crazy, surprising, sometimes difficult bur rewarding adventure!

I love the song Pieces by Amanda Cook from Bethel Church because the lyrics are so beautiful and true. Many times in our relationship the Holy spirit has reminding me of Gods love through this song. May favorite parts of the lyrics is the first verse when she states :
Unreserved, unrestrained
Your love is wild
Your love is wild for me
It isn’t shy, its unashamed
Your love is proud
To be seen with me

So during my alone time with the Lord he showed me a beautiful picture in my heart of many of his children walking around with their heads down desponded, hopeless, feeling dirty, unclean, ashamed, condemned and he was in heaven shouting at the top of lungs with such excitement saying Look, look guys, you see that one, yup that’s my son. Oh ooooh look over there yup this one. She is mine that’s my daughter with such love and excitement he was boasting about them in front of all of heaven.
Some of these people were homeless, looked dirty, one was a prostitute, some others were just who were just ashamed of their past, what they had done or were doing. Some were so broken and hurt because of the rejection they faced from others and felt so isolated and alone. Yet, here God the Father was in so much, almost child like giddy excitement proudly boasting that is my child! Haha, that’s exactly what his love looks like its so unashamed and it proud to be seen with you regardless of what the world thinks of you, treats you or what people say. You are a child of God period, His love for you is truly unconditional period, He always is ever present with  you and will NEVER leave you period and he wants you to know that and live this love out WITH him….period lol.So guess what, God has a picture of YOU in his wallet too boasting all day about you, because when he sees you he sees your true identity, his child, a heir to throne of the kingdom of God!

 

2 Corinthians 6:18
And, “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”

God bless you child of God!