Unashamed of God’s Strict Love



Romans 5:5
And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

I’ve come to realize God has a ‘strict love” over me. You may ask what is strict love….I didn’t even know there was such a thing. However its when God has you hedged in finely. He has called me to a life of closeness with him that requires  a great measure of self control and discipline which is all done by his grace of course. However  in this ‘”strict love” many times I found myself complaining, not understanding, pouting, honestly upset wondering why I couldn’t do what others could do. The holy spirit would restrict me from going to certain places., spending my time and using my money selfishly, watching and listening to certain things that many times other Christians could do and feel no conviction. The Holy Spirit had a way of cutting my heart so quickly, convicted me, correcting me swiftly and calling me to himself immeaditley.  The Lord would remind me….you are mine and I am jealous for you.

Exodus 20:5
You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God,

I remember me and my young sister used to talk about it as we would laugh and say man with the Lord we cant get away with nooooothing! lol Now looking back I see how foolish it was to despise or even resent such a beautiful grace and privilege to be called into a close intimacy with the Lord. I cant lie it hasn’t been easy, actually it has been so difficult and painful. The process of dying to yourself and the Lord taking away every attachment you have so that it may seem you have nothing but most importantly you have him. These past few months, well honestly pretty much my entire walk with the Lord has been scrutinized, criticized and judged by people. Many times close family and friends which seem to hurt the most. Every night I cast it on the Lord and ask him to heal my heart so I may love purely but then another arrow is shot and I am hurting again. The past few weeks have been more so as I began to get remarks for how I look now. I found myself deeply hurt by peoples comment towards me and insecurity and fear made a flight as they both walked through this open door I made by taking my eyes off of Jesus. Once again I found myself defending the call of God on my life or trying to have them understand the call…Gods “strict love” so often that I just stopped answering and talking about Jesus.

It happened this past weekend and when I got home I felt grieved in my spirit. It hit me, that oh my goodness, Nana you have become ashamed at what God has done and is doing in your life because of the reaction of men. So I immediately when to get a word from the Lord  from my rhema box ( a deck of cards with scripture I use to get a word from the Lord) and he gave me the scripture above Romans 5:5 and in big bold letters said SHAME. I burst into tears because I realized how I had hurt Jesus, me out of all people being ashamed of him. I didn’t realize in this way I was ashamed to tell others of God’s “strict love” in fear of what they would say or think. Rather than proclaiming to my family and friends Look what God has done in my life. He has set me free!! but I had become in bondage to them and their thoughts. So as I prayed I asked the Lord to heal my heart and wash away the lies that I held captive as truth that I would be no longer ashamed of what God has done or what he has called me too!

So the Nana of above was full of pride,  allowed self-will to rule, vain glory,  full of ambition, greed and the big hypocrite. I ran to others for opinion, advice and direction. I was in bondage to food and lust of the flesh,  compulsively whatever I felt at the moment. I would constantly show of my body and flaunt “assets’ to get attention from men. I prayed when I felt like it. Would party hard on Saturday and go to church Sunday. I lived in compromise and thought there was such a thing as a “grey area” in Christianity so was okay with other living the same way. When I didn’t pray I would pray concerning MY WILL. MY wants, MY desire, MY plans and expect him to bless it because of course my desire was Gods desire right. This Nana wanted to be a “STAR” a mogul in the making looking up to celebrities,  the entertainment life and the WORLDS height and measure to success in life. I wanted to be rich and successful to honor my family …..but this Nana was still in darkness, lost and headed to destruction……


If it wasnt for the saving Grace, Mercy and strict love of the Lord this WOMAN wouldn’t be standing before you today. So let me proclaim UNASHAMED of what my God, Jesus Christ has done. I now cover myself in respect for him and my other brothers so no one will fall into lust . For he has called me to himself to walk in intimacy with a beautiful strict love over me so I don’t wander far off even if I wanted too. He has shown me his face and his love in ways I cant imagine and I am utterly undone by the Jealous love my beloved has for me. He has called me to a high calling of lowliness, hiddeness, holiness and holy poverty.  He has called me lay down my life to serve all man, walk in humility instead of pride. He called me to seek HIS Divine will in every decision and area of my life. He has set me from bondage of food, lust of the flesh and worldly attachments. He has me living the hidden life where many may not understand but what only HE says and does matter. He has called me to imitate his life, by living to give everything away sowing into kingdom whiles living for eternity instead. I live for the audience of the “courts of heaven”. I have finally become a STAR…in my Heavenly Fathers eyes which is the only eyes that matters the most. This Nana was pulled out of darkness into the marvelous light of Christ and is set free and being set free….I am no longer ashamed but I AM UNASHAMED!!! THANK YOU JESUS

-From Jesus with love


A Dance With My Father On This Valentines Day

dance with my father

Last night the Lord called me into prayer, well actually the pass two nights he has called me to himself. To drop everything I am doing and come into his presence to spend time with him because he needed my comfort, my worship and my love. However,  yesterday was quite different because instead of me dancing with Jesus I just felt the presence of the Father, of Abba. I imagined myself in this beautiful yellow dress, my hair was curly with a red rose in my hair.  As I began to dance in my Fathers arms, I was so overwhelmed by his gentleness, his love and more so his need for me.  God needs us, he truly does each of us are so unique in our creation from head to toe. In all the world there is not one like us therefore the is no one who can take the place of our presence, of our worship and of our love. There is a specif place in the heart of God for each of us and he misses us when we are not there.

You know in this season of my life I am coming to really cultivate and trust the person of the Abba Father. I know that sounds weird right  lol I have been waling with Jesus for 3 years now and I remember the first year just falling madly in love with Jesus asking to know him more and he has definitely answered my prayer. I am still getting to know him even now, then the second year my prayer was Holy Spirit I want to know you, trust in you learn how to relay on you as my teacher. So I came to love and trust the person of the Holy Spirit. However, it  didn’t hit me until last year when the Lord gave me the word “Child Like Trust” did I realize that I didn’t really know God the Father and I had deep father wounds of abandonment as well. Wow he opened my heart up this last year and uprooting somethings I didn’t even know were their. Then he came in and has scooped me up on his lap to just pour out his love and heart on me. As we were dancing I began to cry because he was telling me how many have him so wrong especially his daughters. Many have been heart, abandoned, rejected even abused by their physical fathers and though they may love him through his son Jesus many don’t know him or more importantly know his heart for them. He is not a Father who is critical, judging, demeaning or more importantly he is not a father who will ever forget them, neglect, abandon and reject them.

As we continued to dance Abba Father in the spirit  He put his head on my forehead and this most gentle loving way and said ” You are your Fathers Daughter” I was taking back by those words and tears began to flow. He continued on saying ” You have so much of me in you, you know that strong willed nature, you get it from me” as he touched my nose with his finger.  How many times have we had wrong labels we have received from our own Fathers, or bad characteristic people associate us with connected to our Fathers. So him saying those words were so freeing for me. I thought to myself ….you u know what WOW, I AM MY FATHERS DAUGHTER, Abba Father!

So I just want to encourage you that is how God sees you, beloved.  Look in the mirror, you see that smile, that nose, that chipped tooth, that dimple, your hair, skin color, height, the way you laugh, your strong personality, your introvert ways, your bright creativity, your logic mind, and so much more. He created you perfectly and even if your earthly Father never treated you well, or wasnt really there physically or emotionally, or spoke negative words over you. My beautiful brother/sister you are your Fathers Child, you are created in his image and he soooo desires to take you away from this mundane world into his. Which is heavenly and filled with love, a supernatural love in which you were created from.  So on this valentines day No longer pursue the love that only your Abba Father can give in men or in a women. Avail yourself to him today in worship, Abba Father is inviting you right now to dance with him. In the most exclusive Daddy and Daughter Dance will you say yes? Close your eyes and you will be surprised how God is so desperately waiting to Dance with you, his beautiful daughter today and lavish his love over you!


So I am having Date Night With the Lover of my soul again tonight, for our 3rd year anniversary to dance the night away with my Valentine in worship and Praise!!!

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(1st year’s Date Night 2.14.15 where it all began <3_


Zephaniah 3:17
For the Lord your God is living among you.

    He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
    With his love, he will calm all your fears.[a]
    He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

Learning To Babysit With Jesus




      “Each Of Them Is Jesus In Disguise”- Mother Teresa

I love that quote from above because in fact that what the Lord has been teaching me as  I am babysitting my three nieces and nephews for the past few months. I found myself feeding my beautiful nieces Elly who is 8 months, and in my heart frustrated at my circumstances and honestly resenting the fact that I seem to have no time to “work on MY stuff”.  Which is alot of ministry work I do online and as this fleeting thought crossed my mind as I was feeding her the bottle as the Lord gently interrupted my thoughts to say, “Look at her, every time you feed her your feeding me. Your holding baby Jesus”. I began to recognizes how foolish I had been these past few months. I thought about how our savior came as a baby himself and I don’t know if Mary ever had someone watch Jesus who knows. lol Maybe her cousin Rachel and imagine her being frustrated because she had better things to do thank watch Jesus. Sounds so silly but all of these thoughts came to my mind at that moment and I found myself repenting before the Lord.

These few months he indeed has been revealing how impatience I am and can be easily angered by children nonetheless. What is so sad is that I loooove children…honestly I really do lol I know that is part of my ministry. I would love to help and love on orphaned kids. However, how can I show unconditional love, patience and grace to broken, abused orphaned kids and not to my own nieces (slap to the face) Lord help me lol. So when the Lord called me back to my moms house a few months ago I just didn’t understand. Then having me work a full time job to being released from that job to now babysitting full time 3 beautiful, firecracker girls everyday has been quite of an adjustment for sure. The Lord gave me this rhema when I asked why he called me back home.

                                                  “Charity begins at home
                                                Love until it hurts that is how Jesus loved”

Which has been becoming a reality ever day as the days pass on. I can get so anxious about my situation at times thinking Lord when, again, when again seems like I am always waiting. Now recognizing  I am still waiting because it seems I still have A LOT to learn and dying to self. You see a couple months ago I got a job marketing an online ministry which I was so excited about. Besides that I have this blog to write weekly, Thinking that watching my nieces is not “ministry work” so I would hurriedly get one ready for school, feed the others and anxiously rush to get to work online. I found myself being easily irritated or impatience when I would be interrupted ( now I am like Nana they are kids for goodness sakes that’s what they do best smh).

I found the Lord chastising me in my alone time with my lack of patience and my frustration concerning my circumstance rather than thanking him. He began to remind me once again, that He is right here with me and I am doing none of this alone unless I wanted too. So I should see him on the couch with me when I watch them play, changing the diapers with me, fixing their bottles with me in the kitchen, just so ever present with me through it all. Not only that but to see him in each of my nieces. That in Elly (10 month) I get to witness baby Jesus growing up before my eyes, that in my (3 year old) niece I get too see Toddler Jesus growing up and my (4 yearold) niece Zay Zay I get to take care of a paralysis Jesus. He indeed is in each of them, so as I serve by nieces I am serving Jesus! One day sometime last week he told me to leave my work and enter into child like grace by playing with the kids for an hour. Oh how refreshing it was! So I am learning even in the waiting the most important thing is not the destination, or even what you do but that you recognize that HE is with you. Furthermore he loves to be invited in your day in the most minimalist task to not only be with you but DO it all with you.  So will you invite Jesus to DO “it” with you you? Whatever that “it” maybe , why not let “it’ be EVERYTHING you do….do it with JESUS!



(Firecracker #1 Zay Zay)



(Firecracer #2 Naomi )



(Firecracker #3 Elly Noel 10 months)

Matthew 25:45
“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

-From Jesus with Love




















Image result for jesus with kids


Hope In HIS LOVE…Even In The Pit


Romans 8:38-39
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 
Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I found myself what looked like in a raging storm of emotions a couple of nights ago. The waves were fierce and the wind even fiercer as I found my thoughts going into a deep  deep into a dark pit. I kept telling myself Nana you have been here before don’t take your eyes of Jesus don’t take your eyes off Jesus but, it was too late. I had completely lost my peace and all I could do was cry out before him in Mercy. The enemy shot one arrow of doubt that triggered my emotions and turned into a snowball effect of me doubting if I was in Gods perfect will. This strategy is called a sucker punch, is when your doing perfectly fine going about your day and a situation, a circumstance, a word is uttered by someone or something and triggers an emotional melt down. You my friend have been sucker punched by the demons.

I began to seek God asking why frantically, is something I did and I am outside of your will? Have I missed you Lord, have I missed you? I felt like Peter was on the boat and confidently walked out to meet Jesus the minute he took his eyes on the waves he began to drown…I was drowning in my pit. Looking for answer’s all over the place because when I sat in Gods presence I got nothing. It had been a struggle for a few months to hear his voice. It was after reaching out too two dear friends of mine who put my thoughts in perspective and I began to realize…I am being tested. When the Lord is silent its because I am being tested with the storm raging all around me would I cling to his promises? With all the emotions raging in my heart I still had to go to work and counsel and encourage online with their walk in Christ. Ironic huh lol but, the Lord used one of them to encourage me. As he wrote me back saying I had helped and ministered to him greatly. He made a statement that he can now return back to Jesus because there is HOPE IN HIS LOVE and it hit me like a lightening bolt.

That was the problem I had been trying to hope in my love for Jesus for too long. If I can be honest my passion for him was dwindling and I was so weary and tired all the time. I felt like I had nothing left to give anyone because I had put hope in my love towards Jesus. I began to feel discouraged because MY love felt like it was decreasing, wasnt exciting anymore but that was just it. That is how our love for God will be sometimes conditional but when we HOPE in HIS love that is unwavering, unconditional, consistent, relentless, faithful, trustworthy, passionate (all the time), and always available. So from my pit, finally I declared my weakness and reached out to receive his love. Despite my falling terribly, giving in to the tactics of the enemy, giving in to doubt and lies against his character. Jesus loved me back to life and nursed my gaping wounds so I may rest in him as he continues to fight this battle.  I finally he spoke to me in a song that kept playing in my mind ” BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD”.  So I declared yes Lord I will be still in this storm and HOPE in YOUR love for me not mine.

So do you find yourself in your own pit in the beginning of this year? The pit can be your circumstances, your own thoughts, and your emotions. That have been weighing you down heavily and you seem to not have a way out. You seem to not hear Gods voice and you don’t know where to turn, Hope in HIS love. Because He loves you he will never leave you nor forsake you, He has not forgotten you and is right there in the pit with you. He had me rewrite Romans 8:38-39 as a declaration over myself and personalize, you should too because HIS word stands!

“For I am persuaded that neither losing my job, nor losing my car, nor spiritual warfare attacks of the enemy, nor moving back to my moms house, nor the criticism of family and friends can separate me from HIS love. For God has called me, qualified me and justified me. I will hope in his love knowing that he is working it all out for my good!

-From Jesus with Love


Wholly Given Over To Holiness

Glowing Bible and dark city

(Kevin Carden Photography)

I heard a pastor say that this millennial generation has some of the best preaching, teachings and catchy lines since the church began because we have podcast, old sermons, great man and and woman of God we can glean from. As the the word of God says in the latter days knowledge would increase. So we have obtain much knowledge to feed our generation but we  lack more than any generation….personal holiness.
How many of  us have allowed the word of God to transform our heart, our minds and our way of life? Its not just about catchy phrases, cute apparel, how much wisdom you know or how well you can recite another preachers sermon but how have you allowed the word of God to take root to transform your life.

1 Peter 1:16
Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy

Interestingly the Lord never said ” YOU ARE holy for I am holy…..no he said BE Holy for I am holy. That means there is a part that all believers take part in the work and process of becoming holy. Yielding yourself completely to the holy spirit not even knowing the cost but giving yourself solely and whole heartily to it because you love Jesus. Not out of obligation or religious superiority but out of the love for the God that you serve to be more like him. The Holy Spirit is who empowers us to live holy lives before the Lord. I just love this statement “ We will not successfully resist the temptation of hollow, fleeting pleasures if we live in a “fascination vacuum.” We must be preoccupied with a superior fascination. A spiritually bored believer is vulnerable to Satan when he comes knocking at their door—that is why sins of our flesh are running rampant in the Body of Christ. But my point is not to give a list of other preoccupations; rather, to say that the reason that so many believers are addicted to fleshly pleasures is because they live in a spiritual vacuum. They have settled down and become content to live in spiritual boredom. I urge you not to be content to live this way. The key to successfully resisting temptation is not just loving Jesus in a vague, general way and hoping to avoid sin. We need something that really grips us spiritually. We need to live fascinated! Fascinated with God. I am not talking about going to Bible school, going on a missions trip, or being on an outreach team. We need something far more gripping than that: in the secret place of our lives we need to know and experience more of Jesus.”

What does Holiness look like?  that “The call to holiness is a call to enjoy God. Holiness is not a call to miss out on fun. Yes, we are missing out  sinful activities, but our heart is not missing out. Those activities will never satisfy you, nor will they refresh you or deeply connect you to other people. They will keep you broken, isolated, and disconnected”

Psalm 37:3–4
Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart


As the Lord continues to take me on the journey of Holiness I have learned that the way to holiness is delighting yourself in the things of God, letting go of world pleasures and comforts that truly will never satisfy. Most importantly relying on Gods grace and asking the Holy Spirit for help when the Lord desires for me to let go of something I want to hold onto.  How we will make a difference in this world as believers is when we look separate from the world, walking in righteousness, holiness and carrying the presence of God to a dark, lonely, hopeless and dying world. The apostles and saints of old lived holy lives and I have come to see unfortunately in this generation to pursue living a  life of holiness you are immediately called “legalistic”, or “religious” but obedience is not legalism it is just that …..obedience. Our generation needs to take the word of God a lot more serious because indeed Jesus is serious about his word. I remember first reading the bible with the Holy  Spirit and I began to be so convicted of my lifestyle. I thought I could still profess Jesus and do what I desire thinking he would understand…when I asked him Jesus you are really serious about your word, I didn’t expect to him to respond until he said YES. I thought to myself….ooooh lol, thats when the Holy Spirit began to do a radical change in my heart and in my life as I continue to climb this mountain of holiness with Jesus. Falling many times in the process but yielding myself to his correction and his mercy and grace to MAKE ME HOLY AS HE IS HOLY

-From Jesus With Love

Prophetic Message From Jesus
Jesus began “As in everything we have done before, turtle steps; the steady, unwavering tortoise wins over the impetuous hare. And My Mercies are new every morning as you pursue the course set out for you. Just be aware, My love, continually, that you are moving towards the goal of detachment from all earthly values, even the opinions of men. Shall the servant of God hearken to the wisdom of men? No.”

“I’m calling you to live a holy life no matter which life you choose. But if you choose holiness with great consistency, you will find it increasingly hard to live in the world. That is why I am forever telling you who are young on this channel to leave the world and join a mission effort. But you will have to come to Me and ask for courage, because everyone will come against you in your decision.


Living To Die…. Becoming A Laid Down Lover of Jesus


(amazing photo credits: Kevin Carden Photography)

Unfortunately, the christian life especially in our generation has turned into giving your life to Jesus for what you can get rather than laying down your life for Jesus to become just like him. God calls us all as Christians to a higher purpose, a higher standard of living, and a higher standard of love if we would only yield ourselves to it. However, many times we hear the statement…”Christ died so that you may live” when in actuality “Christ died so that YOU may Die and HE may LIVE”.

Matthew 16:25
For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

That’s truly is the call of any disciple of Jesus Christ. In scripture there were crowd of people who followed Jesus just for popularity or to follow the latest sign/wonder. Then their were many who called themselves disciples but fell away after his teaching became difficult or he asked more of them then they were willing to give. Hence the rich young ruler, or the young man who wanted to bury his father (Mark 10:17-27). Lastly were the 12 chosen disciples who were chosen by God to follow him all the way to their own crosses. Each giving their lives for the gospel and being martyrdom besides one, John. Interestingly enough when I gave my life to Jesus I told him with such passion and boldness that I was all in, I mean I told him not only would I live for him, give my life to him but I would die for him if it came to it. That I would never leave him and want to give all that their is for the sake of the gospel….pause ( doesn’t this sound exactly like what Peter said to Jesus lol…I am so a Peter I tell you)

Matthew 26:3-34
Peter said to Him, “Even if all fall away on account of You, I never will.” 34 “Truly I tell you, Jesus declared,“- this very night before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” 

So I stated this to the Lord boldly really believing I was called to martyrdom in the last days End times army. A soldier who would give her life up for the gospel and die for Jesus!!…sounds so heroic right lol Then the Lord plainly spoke to me last November with such authority and said “Nana I never called you to martyrdom BUT YOU WILL DIE THAT I MAY LIVE”. That statement alone shook me to the core when I heard the Lord speak those words to my heart he really meant it. Not sure which is easier dying in a moment of passion for the sake of the gospel or giving up yourself safe daily and dying to yourself. As you allow the Lord to continue to crush your pride, selfish desires/motives, reactions of the flesh, remove comfortabilities, and call you to a lifestyle of becoming just like him. As Paul stated

 1 Corinthians 15:31
Every day do I die, by the glorying of you that I have in Christ Jesus our Lord:
I have come to realize you can gracefully die that’s by you yielding to the Holy spirit in obedience and holiness or you can fight all the way as the Lord kills your flesh….yup sound about right lol. So what does a crucified life or being a “a laid down lover” look like? Is a bride of Christ who is completely dead to themselves, completely void of their own wants, preferences, opinions and completely abandoned to Gods will. A bride who rejoices in their suffering, trials, inconveniences, pains, tribulation and trials knowing that God has allowed it and if so will turn it for their good. A bride who doesn’t live for the earthly pleasures but lives for the rewards of heaven. A bride who wears a crown of scorn and contempt. Who is criticized, mocked, despised, rejected and persecuted for pursing righteousness, who is judged and misunderstood for walking in obedience. A bride who responds always in love, not defending themselves, not looking for the approval or moved by the criticism of others, one who is meek, lowly and little in their own eyes. A bride who yields his/herself daily in obedience to the Holy Spirit in every decision seeking only what will please the Father and no one else. A bride who is climbing the mountain of holiness with her beloved Jesus Christ picking up their cross daily and following him wherever he leads. That’s how the disciples of old lived their lives not loving it unto death and I believe that is how the Lord is calling his last days remnant church to return back too. Return back to hands not only open to receive from him but hearts that are fully surrendered with hands opened to be pierced to the cross with him.  Am I there yet no, but I have given myself totally to this call by the grace of God that I may be a living sacrifice for our Jesus. I hope you do the same too
(speaking to St. Faustina the stations of the cross)
Do you see these souls? Those who are like Me in the pain and contempt they suffer will be like Me also in glory. And those who resemble Me less in pain and contempt will also bear less resemblance to Me in glory
-From Jesus with Love

Crosses Are The Greatest Gift God Has Given To His Creation


(my first painting “THE PASSION” with the Holy Spirit)

That was a rhema the Lord  gave a few days ago and I began to ask how can crosses, how can suffering be a gift? You know this is a really hard time and season for a lot of believers because of all that is going on in the world. The Lord has spread out his splinters from his cross and given each person a designer cross. In order to carry for lost souls and the world. Suffering is a topic not really popular in the church now a days or not really mentioned pertaining to Christians but we must understand and I have come to learn is that

A rhema
“The greater the suffering , the greater intimacy and understanding”

That seems so backwards doesn’t it but its so true. Moses met God in the burning bush after tending sheep for 40 years, Joseph cultivated a character of righteousness in his 13 years in prison, In the several years running for his life in the caves of Israel David could hear the voice of the Lord having his heart not to kill his enemy Saul, and of course a man who wrote the third of the bible given to him by the Holy spirit majority of it being written when he was prison. John the disciple wrote all of revelation in prison as well. Truly the more you suffer the more you look more like our bridegroom and Savior, Jesus Christ.

The Lord spoke to me about three weeks ago to pain his passion. Mind you I have never painted before but with the help of he Holy Spirit sidenote: He is able to do anything lol I have been able to do it with his assistance. The Lord wanted me to paint his true suffering many times we see movies that depict not any harsh torturous treatment but we have no idea how our Jesus suffered. If we did we would realize how precious his gift was and definitely wouldn’t complain about the tiny…tiny…tiny crosses we have to carry.

The Lord gave a vision to a young nun called St. Mary Magdalen of Sancta Clara Order, Franciscan where the Lord revealed the 15 secret tortures of Jesus.

They fastened My feet with a rope and dragged Me over the stepping stones of the staircase, down into a filthy, nauseating cellar.

2. They took off My clothing and stung My body with iron joints.

3. They attached a rope around My body and pulled Me on the ground from end to end.

4. They hanged Me on a wooden piece with a slip knot until I slipped out and fell down. Overwhelmed by this torture, I wept bloody tears.

5. They tied Me to a post and pierced My body with various arms.

6. They struck Me with stones and burnt Me with blazing embers and torches.

7. They pierced Me with awls; sharp spears tore My skin, flesh and arteries out of My body.

8. They tied Me to a post and made Me stand barefoot on an incandescent metal sheet.

9. They crowned Me with an iron crown and wrapped My eyes with the dirtiest possible rags.

10. They made Me sit on a chair covered with sharp pointed nails, causing deep wounds in My body.

11. They poured on My wounds liquid lead and resin and, after this torture, they pressed Me on the nailed chair so that the nails went deeper and deeper into My flesh.

12. For shame and affliction, they drove needles into the holes of My uprooted beard. They tied my hands behind My back and led Me walking out of prison with strikes and blows.

13. They threw Me upon a cross and attached Me so tightly that I could hardly breathe anymore.

14. They threw at My head as I lay on the earth, and they stepped on Me, hurting My breast. Then, taking a thorn from My crown, they drove it into My tongue.

15. They poured into My mouth the most immodest excretions, as they uttered the most infamous expressions about Me.

Then, Jesus added,
“My daughter, I desire that you let everybody know the Fifteen Secret Tortures in order that everyone of them be honored.”
“Anyone who daily offers Me, with love, one of these sufferings and says with fervor the following prayer, will be rewarded with eternal glory on the day of judgement.”

2 Timothy 2:12
If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us:

As Christians were called to deny ourselves, pick up our cross and follow Jesus. So suffering is inevitable as a true disciple of Jesus Christ until he restores this earth in righteousness. Now we are in turbulent times and the Lords desire that we would carry our crosses ( annoyances, inconveniences, sicknesses, trials) without complaining for the world. So that he may use it to draw souls into the kingdom in these last final hours.

-From Jesus With Love



Tending the Sheep: God’s Preparation and Process


1 Samuel 16:13, 17
13 Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers. And the Spirit of the Lord rushed upon David from that day forward. And Samuel rose up and went to Ramah. …….
17 So Saul said to his servants, “Provide for me a man who can play well and bring him to me.” 18 One of the young men answered, “Behold, I have seen a son of Jesse the Bethlehemite, who is skillful in playing, a man of valor, a man of war, prudent in speech, and a man of good presence, and the Lord is with him.” 19 Therefore Saul sent messengers to Jesse and said, “Send me David your son, who is with the sheep.” 20


This past Tuesday we had our young adults service where the pastor talked about insecure and secure leaders. She made stark comparisons between the leadership of Saul and David. There was one thing that really struck my heart, that after David being anointed king he immediately went back to doing what he was doing…tending the sheep. Then later was summoned to serving the reigned King Saul. He immediate wasn’t placed on the throne, He never showed any impatience about Gods timing , He didn’t feel that tending the sheep was beneath him now that he had been anointed king. To be frank he didn’t allow his new found title or anointing to cause him to despise returning to his humble beginnings. David trusted God in the preparation and the process. There is a lot I can learn from David.

I found myself waking up last week feeling discouraged and impatience about my situation. Remembering the promises of God and what he has called me too I began to be frustrated still staying at my moms house and now babysitting all day. Finding myself struggling to be a good steward of my time and being able to get any work done for the Lord because of watching the kids. I began to feel like this was all that there was  because at the end of last year I found myself in the same predicament helping my other sister out by taking her to work@5 am, taking the kids to school by am and baby sitting them after-school. It was rough as I found myself grumbling and complaining in discontentment asking the Lord when….when will I do what you have called me too. Then He said

“Stop complaining I am preparing you for marriage”

I was like waaaaa lol, okay Jesus. The interesting thing is I have a heart for children and I know I am called to them. One prophecy I received is that I am called to missions and my life will be a testimony to children. I always had it in my mind to raise a lot of kids or even a orphanage. So I should’ve known that the Lord was preparing me with children ministry 101 with my nieces and nephews. Every step in this journey has been preparation. The Holy Spirit brought to my remembrance what was said at our young adults service about King David this week when I woke wanting to sit in my discouragement and discontentment. Nana, you are just now in your sheep field as David was that doesn’t take away your anointing, doesn’t take away the calling upon your life or my presence. As David went back o the sheep field after being anointed to be prepared some more so do I train my servants the same way who are called to a high calling. Find your confidence, security and trust in me and me alone not what you are doing. Don’t become impatience but trust in the field is where you are being trained. At your mom’s house is where you are being trained to “love until it hearts, for charity begins at home”, where you learn to put children before ministry, where you learn how to be patience with he little ones and teach them about me, where you learn how to manage your time and multi-task, where I am preparing you for motherhood, where you learn humility and total reliance on me. Trust MY preparation and MY process, when you do that I am forced to continuously give you more graces to do what I have called you to do.

So have you found yourself excited, called and anointed by God for a task but you find yourself going back….back too your sheep field (whatever that may look like). Back the the place of humble beginnings and it looks like you have gone backwards then forwards? Well, praise God lol Don’t get discouraged, impatience, or discontent but began to first see the lesson he wants you to learn in your sheep field and most importantly trust the preparation and process being secure that the Lord our God is faithful to finish and complete what he has started!

-From Jesus with Love


The Binding Prayer

A powerful prayer to use daily against spiritual warfare, oppression of the enemy and to keep your heart pure before the Lord.

Matthew 18:18 “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

binding prayer (real)1

binding prayer (real)2


When Your Pregnant But No One Notices


So how can one be pregnant carrying something in their womb but no one notices? That’s what you call spiritual pregnancy. You see every person was sent on this earth with Gods seed of light in them. Carrying a mission and a DNA in them that they only can uniquely accomplish which is called a destiny.  Many unfortunately never birth what God created them for out of fear,  laziness, comfortability, distraction, pride,  etc and many more down right reject Jesus…. the only one who is able to birth the missions into completion.  As a believer its important we are aware of this. You are carrying a seed of heaven within you that is meant to impact not only the world but, eternity. You must first recognize that your carrying something to ensure you don’t abort it.

Psalm 22:9-10
Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast. 
 From birth I was cast on you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God.


First Trimester- the most critical (don’t turn back to the world)

So this is the month of conception when you finally say yes to Jesus to surrender all to him and make Lord of your life. The Holy Spirit comes dwell within you and bring life to the seed God has placed in you.

  • This was a time for me of excitement I knew I was called by the Lord but, wasnt sure for what or how he would use me.  In excitement I told everyone thinking they would be excited too but realized very quickly spiritual pregnancy is not at all like physical pregnancy. Not everyone will be happy for you or even understand lol It’s okay because the conception was between you and the holy spirit. He actually is very private and loves to work behind the scenes so trust him.
  • In this trimester there is no number to how long the season will be. So you have to trust even when you don’t see anything growing. You must’n be moved by what people say or seek peoples validation it could cause you to turn back to the world.
  • Just as you would in your a physical pregnancy you have to change attitudes and create healthy habits for the baby. That’s the same with a spiritual pregnancy in this season. There will be a lot of opposition and spiritual warfare that will tempt you to give up. Don’t fall for it! You have to began some healthy habits of prayer, seeking the Lord, purity of eye, mind and body. So the Holy spirit can dwell in you fully now that your heart has become his home. So press on family you have something to birth!


Second Trimester-Growing in the things of the Lord

  • People began to see something is different about you, a “glow” of course the LIGHT OF CHRIST IN YOU!
  • Once you pass the first trimester season it doesn’t get any easier necessarily but you do gain more trust in God and his promises. In this season you began to see some growth, some fruit showing in your life. Your growing in virtue as the Lord continues to test and prune you.
  • The only way you can grow is through testing and trials. Don’t be discouraged the more trials you face are opportunities for accelerated maturity in Christ.
  • In this season I began to grow in my faith as Jesus began to answer prayers. He just left me in awe of him. I began to be sure of my identity in Christ not by what he did through me or even what others said but by His words. I knew I was carrying something in me and was excited to see what God had planned.’ In this season i really learned about suffering and laying down my life for the Lord in order for him to trust me with the gift that is inside of me.
  • I realized in this season Jesus began to trust me! He trusted me with revelation, secret of his heart and direction. He would ask of me to do things for him to see if I would be obedient and faithful in the small things. So press on family you have something to birth!


Third Trimester-Birth pains (persevere don’t give up, don’t abort)

  • Don’t complain began to praise God for what he is about to birth in you. Let your faith arise in expectancy for what your hoping for even if you don’t see!
  • In this trimester/season people can testify of the work God is doing in you and even the vision God has but, many wont understand the process….I tell you too preserver. Don’t give in to people’s criticism or praise for it will be to your ruin. Unshakable faith is looking only for praise and or correction of God alone. He alone has a just viewpoint of your heart and knows your motive.
  • In this season God will continue to break you in areas you thought you were strengthen, test you further by stretching you, prune more layers in your heart, allow you to suffer in various ways all while doing work for him. In order to see if you truly desire to live for him and him alone.
  • You may have a vision or a knowing of the mission the Lord has within you but all the pieces haven’t come together yet. However, you see his footprints in the different steps he has taken you on to get you prepared and ready.
  • I am in that season now and I believe its the most critical because so much going on around you spiritually for the birth of what God has in you. Many times the Lord will put you on bed rest (a waiting period, where you have to endure patiently until the mission is ready to be birth) In this period is where you will get opinions from everyone else about what you should and shouldn’t be doing. Many people questioning your walk or vision with the Lord because they don’t see the “baby” but you must preserver. Trust in what God has spoken to you and know that this is a vital time to listen and walk closely with Jesus. To preserver in obedience to him and him alone. One wrong choice could cause you delay and leave you murmuring on in the wilderness until death like the Israelites. So endure patiently family something great is about to birth in you for his glory!!!


Jeremiah 1:5
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart

-From Jesus with Love